Could the News Journal and their online counterparts be any more feeble? No. Two nights ago my boy Murph foiled a mugging attempt outside his house in Browntown, and it seems they used stock copy to describe it, they were so off. For one, Murph is no "Good Samaritan" - he hates the bible!
The straight dope is as such: Murph got off work and had shot and a beer at the tavern of his choice, and came back to his cool new pad in the 500 block of South Harrison. His neighbors, two women were talking out on the porch so Murph, social butterfly that he is, was shootin' the breeze with them, when two men approached. One pulled a gun and demanded the three neighbors hand over their cash. Murph chose fight over flight or compliance and swacked the gun from the man's hand and away from the action. A fistfight, or as Murph nonchalantly put it, a "tussle" ensued in the street. Murph took a couple hits but ultimately won the fight with a bottle of Lowenbrau over the assailants head. The crooks took off, managing to get one lady's purse, which for some reason had her pin number in close proximity to her ATM card. It turns out the dudes used it to get three hundo from her account, but guess what? ATM machines ALL have video cameras these days, so they are still in hot water. I asked Murph if he got hurt at all and he responded with a smirk, "I got some scrapes on my knuckles from punching the dude in the face, but that's about it." When asked if he was scared, Murph reflected, "Yeah, but I really didn't have time to think about it. All I kept thinking was 'My mom is gonna kill me.'"
I for one think this is the coolest thing I've heard in quite some time, and confirms what we have suspected for quite some time: Murph is the Batman. So - Three-Two-One-Zero, Let's hear it for Murph, the hero!
Read the News Journal's faux journalistic take online, along with disgustingly racist, right wing comments.
The Good Irishman by Billy Frolic.
Ari Wallach (TEAM HUMAN)
7 months ago