Thursday, November 5, 2009
Hey Yankees...
All is right with the world: the self-righteous have dollar-billed their way to the top, the free-market is triumphant! And we the poor are even more rich in spirit. Like Dem Bums from Brooklyn for all those years, I awake with a tussled 'stache and a steely-eyed, non-stop believement (patent pending) that "we'll get 'em next year." I feel very, very sorry for Yankees fans the world over. It must be tough living in that characterless and sideburnless environment. Yankees fans can be analogized to two siblings, a boy and a girl, raised by a celebrated military man who employs his successful battlefield tactics to home life as well. The boy buys in completely, sure that discipline and tough love are what's best for him because you do not question your commanding officer. He will never rebel because he reaps the rewards of being second in line to this nuclear patriarchy. The tradition of Yankee Blue. He believes in birthrights and so does his sister, spoiled, gorgeous but not beautiful, obnoxious to the world yet celebrated by her clan, herpes then inbreeding. The Yankees are the baseball embodiment of that button-down plastic fantastic Madison Avenue scene, the military-industrial complex, 2.5 children, weedin' out commies as the one's who can't afford to buy a cap. To be clear, it's not really about the money. In baseball, the front office must do anything they can, within the rules, to win, and one way to do that is to throw money at the problem, but I do not begrudge them that. Their big money aquisitions did not beat us. It was homegrown Yankees Jeter, Rivera, and Pettite, that insufferable Johnny Damon, and somber Matsui who got the job done. And for my two cents it was Brad Lidge's blown ninth inning tie in Game 4 that was the crucial loss for the good guys. We were not clutch at the plate (save for CHOOCH) and so they beat us. Still, I wouldn't trade any one of our guys for one of theirs. We win as a team and now we lose as a team, our team, the team I love, that I can not wait to see at Spring Training. But I do love to chew on sour grapes and now I have that oppurtunity. So, in the words of the immortal Tanner Boyle, "Hey Yankees... you can take your apology and your trophy and shove 'em straight up your ass!"
Madison Underground Vigilantism
Could the News Journal and their online counterparts be any more feeble? No. Two nights ago my boy Murph foiled a mugging attempt outside his house in Browntown, and it seems they used stock copy to describe it, they were so off. For one, Murph is no "Good Samaritan" - he hates the bible!
The straight dope is as such: Murph got off work and had shot and a beer at the tavern of his choice, and came back to his cool new pad in the 500 block of South Harrison. His neighbors, two women were talking out on the porch so Murph, social butterfly that he is, was shootin' the breeze with them, when two men approached. One pulled a gun and demanded the three neighbors hand over their cash. Murph chose fight over flight or compliance and swacked the gun from the man's hand and away from the action. A fistfight, or as Murph nonchalantly put it, a "tussle" ensued in the street. Murph took a couple hits but ultimately won the fight with a bottle of Lowenbrau over the assailants head. The crooks took off, managing to get one lady's purse, which for some reason had her pin number in close proximity to her ATM card. It turns out the dudes used it to get three hundo from her account, but guess what? ATM machines ALL have video cameras these days, so they are still in hot water. I asked Murph if he got hurt at all and he responded with a smirk, "I got some scrapes on my knuckles from punching the dude in the face, but that's about it." When asked if he was scared, Murph reflected, "Yeah, but I really didn't have time to think about it. All I kept thinking was 'My mom is gonna kill me.'"
I for one think this is the coolest thing I've heard in quite some time, and confirms what we have suspected for quite some time: Murph is the Batman. So - Three-Two-One-Zero, Let's hear it for Murph, the hero!
Read the News Journal's faux journalistic take online, along with disgustingly racist, right wing comments.
The Good Irishman by Billy Frolic.
The straight dope is as such: Murph got off work and had shot and a beer at the tavern of his choice, and came back to his cool new pad in the 500 block of South Harrison. His neighbors, two women were talking out on the porch so Murph, social butterfly that he is, was shootin' the breeze with them, when two men approached. One pulled a gun and demanded the three neighbors hand over their cash. Murph chose fight over flight or compliance and swacked the gun from the man's hand and away from the action. A fistfight, or as Murph nonchalantly put it, a "tussle" ensued in the street. Murph took a couple hits but ultimately won the fight with a bottle of Lowenbrau over the assailants head. The crooks took off, managing to get one lady's purse, which for some reason had her pin number in close proximity to her ATM card. It turns out the dudes used it to get three hundo from her account, but guess what? ATM machines ALL have video cameras these days, so they are still in hot water. I asked Murph if he got hurt at all and he responded with a smirk, "I got some scrapes on my knuckles from punching the dude in the face, but that's about it." When asked if he was scared, Murph reflected, "Yeah, but I really didn't have time to think about it. All I kept thinking was 'My mom is gonna kill me.'"
I for one think this is the coolest thing I've heard in quite some time, and confirms what we have suspected for quite some time: Murph is the Batman. So - Three-Two-One-Zero, Let's hear it for Murph, the hero!
Read the News Journal's faux journalistic take online, along with disgustingly racist, right wing comments.
The Good Irishman by Billy Frolic.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
The Headies @ Mojo 13 on Friday the 13th
Come out to Mojo 13 on Friday the 13th for more spoooooky fun with yer pals the Headies! Four bands total, but two of which had names far too long to cut out of the News Journal and Wizard Magazine.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
And THAT'S Why They Call Him the Main Man!
Dude, you gotta check these super-sweet Spidey's that the Main Man passed me to help while away my unemployment! He also gave Nikki a sweet "Glee" loser "L"/#1 foam finger (in association with Fox Media). That finger is too big to scan. In honor of the Main Man I'm gonna eat some hot wings.
Season of the Witch
Awesome Halloween show at Paul's house... great music (Hot Toddy and the Wilmington Wastoids, Count von Count), great spread (hummus and cold cuts and all the desserts)! My only regret is that there are no Count von Pics in actions, as I was far too busy rockin' out to their Plow United cover set! Yup! You missed it! And they closed with a Tit Patrol cover! Wastoids shots by Nikki, all others by me.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Joanna Molloy is a See You Next Tuesday
For all kids and oldsters reading, I'll forgo any foul language coursing through my spectacular brain. BUT, jeez, have you read any NY papers recently? While ESPN and the MLB network offer actual analysis into who their employees predict as winning this mega-heated Fall Classic, the major New Amsterdam newspapers print garbage that comes off as the whimperings of a once-feared bully whose victims have grown up and outsmarted him one too many times and who can now beat him up. I know all too well what it's like dealing with people/markets who can't keep up intellectually or physically, yet continue to run their mouths. I smile, hold moral high ground, and await my impending victories. But check it.
Even worse is what's inside. With what some have said is supposed to be funny, this Joanna Molloy broad decides to deride the city of Philadelphia as a whole with the excuse being that our teams are facing each other in the world series. Read it and... laugh? Do something...
PHILADELPHIA - Mobs of screaming people followed a green, pig-nosed monster around Philadelphia yesterday - and not because it's almost Halloween.
No, the huge displays of mass hysteria - first at City Hall and then at the magnificent 30th St. train station - came from Philadelphia Phillies fans incited by the team's mascot.
Mass delusion may be a better term for the phenomenon.
Believe it or not, people down here in Silly-delphia actually think the Phillies will beat the Yankees in the World Series, which starts tomorrow.
Did they also think Sanjaya would beat Jordin Sparks? That would be "American Idol," in case you watch too much baseball and not enough Stupid TV.
Fan after Philly fan expressed feelings like Joshua Robinson, who said, outside Tony Luke's restaurant: "It's gonna be a sweep."
Student Michael Francesco, claimed: "The Yankees have never played a juggernaut like this Phillies team."
And Louie Del Brocco, clad head-to-toe in Phillies gear, said: "The Phillies are supposed to be nervous about Sabathia? The faster he throws, the farther they go. The Phillies are totally going to win the Series. How do I know? I have ESPN. I watch the games."
Or is their insanity not temporary? Are they just plain cuckoo?
What makes this city of 109 neighborhoods - with names like Germantown, Fishtown and Swamp Poodle - unafraid?
Do they have anything besides the damn cheese steaks that we don't have?
"We have four PBS channels," said Linda Forman, who was reading Stephen Colbert's book in Rittenhouse Square. "And we have hoagies. Woo-hoo!"
"We actually say 'excuse me' when we bump into each other in the street," said Robinson, a Nordstrom's manager.
"The Penn Anthropology Museum has a wall of skulls, like, 4,000 to 5,000 of them," said native Joe Kaczmarek. Hmmmm.
W.C. Fields wanted his epitaph to say: I'd Rather Be in Philadelphia. Well, maybe it's better than being dead, but I'm not sure.
They do have the Mummers Parade on New Year's - but what about the other 364 days? They have the Mario Lanza Museum. And of course, there's Independence Hall, where Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin and their compadres signed the Declaration of Independence.
But that was so 233 years ago! What has Philadelphia done for us lately? And by the way we have the Magna Carta at Fraunces Tavern now, but New York has so much going on, people don't even know it's here!
Philadelphia produced Bill Cosby, but he lives in New York.
The Philadelphia Zoo has rare white lions, but we have a snow leopard right in the Central Park Zoo, with polar bears playing with beach balls.
The Philadelphia Art Museum has Picasso's "Three Musicians" and Van Gogh's "Sunflowers," but New York has just about every other great work of art.
There do seem to be some rather nice people down here, like Harold Honickman, a big shot in the soft drink industry.
The 68-year-old multimillionaire was just strolling around Rittenhouse Square - don't execs have limos down here? - when a nosy New Yorker asked him who he liked in the World Series.
He splits his time between New York and Philadelphia, and loves both towns, he said, adding with no hint of arrogance: "We have contracts with both stadiums, so we win either way."
Now, for me this is certainly not an ideological battle between two cities. If so, I wouldn't be involved. What this Molloy fails to realize (ONE of the things she fails to realize) is that Phillies fans are comprised of folks from the tri-sate area: Philly itself and the whole eastern part of Pennsylvania, central and south Jersey, and most importantly, Delaware above the canal. So, the countless comparisons - Statue of Liberty vs. Liberty Bell (the Statue stands proudly in New Jersey), 26 subway systems vs. two (of their 26 half can't arrive on time if they come at all), a billionaire mayor vs. one who lives on a civil servants salary, pizza/bagels vs. cheese steaks (no question, gimme Pat's! Prov wit!), and most tellingly population (of the cities themselves) are completely irrelevant trash talk. New York sucks and Philadelphia sucks a little bit less. They are both trash towns and really not to be lived in unless you gotta. I love the Phillies themselves, the game of baseball, and clean hard wins. The only nerve she hit was by dissing my boy the Phanatic, the greatest mascot in all of sport. Any ill words about the Phanatic are either uninformed, ignorant, or jealousy.
But the real point is that none of that wins ballgames. If it did, the Yankees would have been in the Series more recently and possibly always, and while I enjoy considering the personality of different MLB cities based on their culture, people, and team colors, it is not those things that determine who's a better baseball team. They call that a straw man: when you have no way to argue for why your team is actually better, you build a straw man (in this case what each city possesses) and then tear that down. Point made, right? Wrong!
I have previously posted the intangibles that give our Phillies the edge, and now here is what I think is gonna happen, tangibly. Cliff Lee will continue to be the smartest pitcher in the game and baffle Yankees bats. C.C. will have trouble getting the fastball by our line up and get roughed up with some jacks, specifically to right field, specifically by Ryan Howard. Jimmy Rollins will have a career series, possibly garnering the MVP. Jeter will be good, but A-Rod will go back to choke mode and come up flat for most of the series, like most big bats do against the Phils (see regular season Albert Pujols and Manny in the NLCS). Pedro will be sublime and set the stage for Cole Hamels to have a good game when we get back to Philly (at either 2-0 or 1-1), and Burnett is a joke that we will beat up on again (again, see regular season). Brad Lidge will not blow a save. The DH rule will be in our favor with Ibanez hitting while Ben Francisco plays left, or Matt "Moonshot" Stairs will get a chance to rip some out of the little yard in the Bronx. And Mega-Clutch Chooch! One of our wins will come against Mariano Rivera, in a statement walk-off to not just beat, but actually hurt our enemies. This will be a statement Series in general, and when we get back to it next year (at least one more), our opponent will not be the Yankees. Phillies in Phive.
What those NY papers are trying to do is over value the Yankee fan while devaluing the Phillies fan. Though I love the 1980 and 1993 Phillies teams, I do not care about what they did. All I need is right now, this team, these guys, me at 29 years old. Twenty-six Yankee Championships do not matter and neither do 10,000 Phillies losses. What matters is these seven games and how much you're gonna believe in your team. It's in our hands to be the better fans, let's do it, let's believe.
An arbitrarily chosen Flyin' Hawaiian is photo shopped in a "newspaper" cover that simultaneously degrades him, the Phillies, and cheerleaders. What is a cheerleader? One whose spirit is indomitable, believing even when all is lost. Yeah, Shane is a cheerleader, and so am I. Gotta problem with that? I'll arabesque yer ass. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, maybe a major NY paper is just saying that women in general are frivolous and to be reckoned with.
Even worse is what's inside. With what some have said is supposed to be funny, this Joanna Molloy broad decides to deride the city of Philadelphia as a whole with the excuse being that our teams are facing each other in the world series. Read it and... laugh? Do something...
PHILADELPHIA - Mobs of screaming people followed a green, pig-nosed monster around Philadelphia yesterday - and not because it's almost Halloween.
No, the huge displays of mass hysteria - first at City Hall and then at the magnificent 30th St. train station - came from Philadelphia Phillies fans incited by the team's mascot.
Mass delusion may be a better term for the phenomenon.
Believe it or not, people down here in Silly-delphia actually think the Phillies will beat the Yankees in the World Series, which starts tomorrow.
Did they also think Sanjaya would beat Jordin Sparks? That would be "American Idol," in case you watch too much baseball and not enough Stupid TV.
Fan after Philly fan expressed feelings like Joshua Robinson, who said, outside Tony Luke's restaurant: "It's gonna be a sweep."
Student Michael Francesco, claimed: "The Yankees have never played a juggernaut like this Phillies team."
And Louie Del Brocco, clad head-to-toe in Phillies gear, said: "The Phillies are supposed to be nervous about Sabathia? The faster he throws, the farther they go. The Phillies are totally going to win the Series. How do I know? I have ESPN. I watch the games."
Or is their insanity not temporary? Are they just plain cuckoo?
What makes this city of 109 neighborhoods - with names like Germantown, Fishtown and Swamp Poodle - unafraid?
Do they have anything besides the damn cheese steaks that we don't have?
"We have four PBS channels," said Linda Forman, who was reading Stephen Colbert's book in Rittenhouse Square. "And we have hoagies. Woo-hoo!"
"We actually say 'excuse me' when we bump into each other in the street," said Robinson, a Nordstrom's manager.
"The Penn Anthropology Museum has a wall of skulls, like, 4,000 to 5,000 of them," said native Joe Kaczmarek. Hmmmm.
W.C. Fields wanted his epitaph to say: I'd Rather Be in Philadelphia. Well, maybe it's better than being dead, but I'm not sure.
They do have the Mummers Parade on New Year's - but what about the other 364 days? They have the Mario Lanza Museum. And of course, there's Independence Hall, where Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin and their compadres signed the Declaration of Independence.
But that was so 233 years ago! What has Philadelphia done for us lately? And by the way we have the Magna Carta at Fraunces Tavern now, but New York has so much going on, people don't even know it's here!
Philadelphia produced Bill Cosby, but he lives in New York.
The Philadelphia Zoo has rare white lions, but we have a snow leopard right in the Central Park Zoo, with polar bears playing with beach balls.
The Philadelphia Art Museum has Picasso's "Three Musicians" and Van Gogh's "Sunflowers," but New York has just about every other great work of art.
There do seem to be some rather nice people down here, like Harold Honickman, a big shot in the soft drink industry.
The 68-year-old multimillionaire was just strolling around Rittenhouse Square - don't execs have limos down here? - when a nosy New Yorker asked him who he liked in the World Series.
He splits his time between New York and Philadelphia, and loves both towns, he said, adding with no hint of arrogance: "We have contracts with both stadiums, so we win either way."
Now, for me this is certainly not an ideological battle between two cities. If so, I wouldn't be involved. What this Molloy fails to realize (ONE of the things she fails to realize) is that Phillies fans are comprised of folks from the tri-sate area: Philly itself and the whole eastern part of Pennsylvania, central and south Jersey, and most importantly, Delaware above the canal. So, the countless comparisons - Statue of Liberty vs. Liberty Bell (the Statue stands proudly in New Jersey), 26 subway systems vs. two (of their 26 half can't arrive on time if they come at all), a billionaire mayor vs. one who lives on a civil servants salary, pizza/bagels vs. cheese steaks (no question, gimme Pat's! Prov wit!), and most tellingly population (of the cities themselves) are completely irrelevant trash talk. New York sucks and Philadelphia sucks a little bit less. They are both trash towns and really not to be lived in unless you gotta. I love the Phillies themselves, the game of baseball, and clean hard wins. The only nerve she hit was by dissing my boy the Phanatic, the greatest mascot in all of sport. Any ill words about the Phanatic are either uninformed, ignorant, or jealousy.
But the real point is that none of that wins ballgames. If it did, the Yankees would have been in the Series more recently and possibly always, and while I enjoy considering the personality of different MLB cities based on their culture, people, and team colors, it is not those things that determine who's a better baseball team. They call that a straw man: when you have no way to argue for why your team is actually better, you build a straw man (in this case what each city possesses) and then tear that down. Point made, right? Wrong!
I have previously posted the intangibles that give our Phillies the edge, and now here is what I think is gonna happen, tangibly. Cliff Lee will continue to be the smartest pitcher in the game and baffle Yankees bats. C.C. will have trouble getting the fastball by our line up and get roughed up with some jacks, specifically to right field, specifically by Ryan Howard. Jimmy Rollins will have a career series, possibly garnering the MVP. Jeter will be good, but A-Rod will go back to choke mode and come up flat for most of the series, like most big bats do against the Phils (see regular season Albert Pujols and Manny in the NLCS). Pedro will be sublime and set the stage for Cole Hamels to have a good game when we get back to Philly (at either 2-0 or 1-1), and Burnett is a joke that we will beat up on again (again, see regular season). Brad Lidge will not blow a save. The DH rule will be in our favor with Ibanez hitting while Ben Francisco plays left, or Matt "Moonshot" Stairs will get a chance to rip some out of the little yard in the Bronx. And Mega-Clutch Chooch! One of our wins will come against Mariano Rivera, in a statement walk-off to not just beat, but actually hurt our enemies. This will be a statement Series in general, and when we get back to it next year (at least one more), our opponent will not be the Yankees. Phillies in Phive.
What those NY papers are trying to do is over value the Yankee fan while devaluing the Phillies fan. Though I love the 1980 and 1993 Phillies teams, I do not care about what they did. All I need is right now, this team, these guys, me at 29 years old. Twenty-six Yankee Championships do not matter and neither do 10,000 Phillies losses. What matters is these seven games and how much you're gonna believe in your team. It's in our hands to be the better fans, let's do it, let's believe.
I-Fuckin'-Conic
More from Bobby's increasingly iconic run of Phillies. This edition: Uncle Charlie and my second favorite cheerleader, the Sweet One, Shane Victorino!
Wastoids Wednesdays (As Seen In Spark)
The Wastoids, surrounded by women, as usual.
Yes, I know tonight is Game 1. Yer tellin' me? The Wilmington Wastoids, and our leader Hot Toddy, support to our last breath the Fightin' Fuckin' Phils, and to a lesser extant, the Nation of Israel. Never the less, a booking is a booking and we will be shakin' it down on the stage at Homegrown Cafe on Main Street in Newark tonight. Two sets, one at ten pm and one at midnight, with Anne Frankenstein (with possibly a different name?) doin' it in between. We will have the Transistor Sister on stage with us for constant updates, and you can join us between sets at Margherita's Pizza to take in the game on full-color television. Go Phils! Go Wastoids!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Chooch and the Rally 'Stache
Here is why we win: moral high ground, hard work on and off the field, the best fans in sport, super-human batsmanship, revenge (for 2007, 1977-78, 1993, and 1950), good, clean baseball - guaranteed to stick, we want the Yankees, home grown talent, brilliant General Management, West Virginian guts, swagger, "high hopes", WFC, non-stop believement (Patent Pending), a catcher who seamlessly blends the intellect of Niels Bohr with the work ethic of any given Panamaniac, and the rally 'stache. Soak it in Delaware Valley, never take it for granted, cry real tears, yell real loud, and STAY CLASSY.
For more Phillies portraits, check out Bobby Campbell!
This 'stache is dedicated to all Phillies everywhere, with special shout out to Huffer! "Phillies never say Philles are dead!" - the Main Man
Sorry Alyssa! (Not Really)
I have long said that Alyssa Milano serves the same purpose for the Los Angeles Dodgers that your man Dan does for the Philadelphia Phillies, and now it is written who does it better. Sorry Alyssa, you are sexy, smart, and rich, but I am a dirty Phillie, see ya on the other side, sweet-cakes! Phillies in Phive! WFC!
The Adelies - "Show Your Teeth" EP Review
Losing people you care about is really hard, and losing bands you care about is nothing to sneeze at either. In Please Kill Me, top flight rock and roll fan Bebe Buell was reduced to tears upon finding out that "Wave" was gonna be her friend Patti Smith's last record. She recalls, "I was like, "I don't want this to be her last record." I was more adolescent about my feelings about rock and roll. To me it was an incredible loss; I considered it a death in the family. Maybe they thought it was just the last record - "Big deal, I'm gonna go be a housewife now" - but I took it very seriously." It's strange how people can make music that means so much to so many people and then emotionally detach from it to a point where they don't care about it or even like it. For one major instance, take Plow United, the best band to ever come out of these parts. Not long ago, I had the idea to do a Please Kill Me style oral history of the Wilmington/West Chester scene, which during the mid nineties was cohesive and strong, full of great bands and personalities. The first person I ran it by was Joel Tannenbaum, bassist from Plow, as they were the font from which we all sprang. He sensitively shot it down, saying that it wasn't a big enough audience to warrant a book. Now, Joel is a professional writer and certainly has to worry about things like an audience, but I am an artist who works in the medium of words, and audience is the last thing on my mind when constructing art. In another instance, Tit Patrol played a horrendous gig at Bam Margera's the Note in West Chester not long ago and the sound (which was not the problem) was run by Tom Martin, most famously of Third Year Freshmen and also the force behind Throttle Jockey, the New Dance Show, and a long, long time ago, Fondle (with Joel from Plow), and he may have written "So What?" by Pink. We discussed old times briefly and he disclosed that he has given away all his old punk stuff, Plow paraphernalia, etc... I on the other hand have mine organized and vaulted and displayed and archived, never to part. It reminds me of why I do what I do. It meant something to me and still does. People could pejoratively say that I am clinging to the past, but fuck them, I've made no less then six full length punk rock albums since the millennium turned, I am a Now Man. It's simply that I recognize the worth and will not dismiss it. It's funny, to this day I can't tell you exactly why Plow broke up. I mean, I know that they wanted to go out at their best, and they did, but who dunnit and why?
I talked to Arik Victor, proprietor of Creep Records, where at Plow's records where recorded and on which they were mostly released, in around 1998, when Plow was broken up and their swan song Narcolepsy was recorded and done except for front man Brian McGee's vocals. They were pressuring Brian into doing them and doing them well, up to the standards we had all come to expect from McGee's one of a kind raspy voice. I asked him why it was so hard to get him to do them (I was totally drooling for that damn record), and Arik conjectured that Brian knew once the vocals were done, so was Plow, and Brian was having a hard time dealing with that. He even joined Throttle Jockey and then Super Hi-Five, indicating to me that he was not done with the scene. Sean Rule, the greatest drummer of all time, had a whole big life outside the scene and Plow. He was a teacher at our high school and engaged to be married, but still, upon Plow's disbandment, Sean approached Huffer and myself (whose band Ninja Attak had run its course) to start a new outfit with him, and Power of IV played with great success for four more years. So, without pointing any fingers, it would seem that Joel was in the driver's seat of Plow's end game. Bands breaking up is inevitable, and now Plow will always be great, so perhaps they had all our best interests in mind, but it hurt, damn bad. I'm adolescent in my feelings about music as well.
This summer we lost three bands that admittedly were never in the Plow escalon (Who is? Tit Patrol, that's who! Ha ha!) but nonetheless it leaves me with a feeling of discontentment. First to go was the Impatients. I was there at the inception, five girls picking up instruments and learning how to play them as they became a band. They played a handful of gigs and recorded some demos, which I have still never heard. They had some songs that were sorta Ramones-y or Cramps-like, and some songs that were more Melvins-ish, but it all had a pretty unique sound, lots and lots of low end, soft tone on the guitars, all played slow and deliberate, with a strong and confident vocal that went from low and disinterested to a screeching yelp. Their break up was maybe a little nasty, and I won't go too into details I can't confirm, but I can say with confidence that there were true creative differences, no bullshit. I know Tanya on lead vocals wanted a darker less tonally based sound and Ally and Jill, the rhythm section, wanted to continue to pursue a brighter, more pop-oriented sound. I don't know what guitarists Shawna and Marta wanted. So, Tanya, Shawna, along with Chris Crust, Ivan Frankenstein, and Ian Thrash have pursued their sound in a new outfit called Doll Fangs that I haven't heard yet, and Ally and Jill started a new rock and roll act with Devo from Sexon Horses and Sam from Cave Bats (I think) called the Chandeliers, and I'm waiting for them to lay some tunes on me as well. The Impatients was fun while it lasted, but a real shame that they never got past the neo-natal stage of being a band. I was always especially impressed with the dedication that Ally has to the bass and can't wait to see her explode!
Next was my fave, high school skacore by S.H.O.T., aptly anagrammed Super Humans Over Taking, who I've raved about many a time here at Danthology. These guys had the look and the sound and a great fuckin' demo recorded at the Big Blue House. I will always remember all their great sets this summer (their "Beat It" cover was the best) and miss them playing. They played a great mix of thrashy hardcore featuring lots of high end, gain, and virtuoso guitar solos and scratchy ska punk with gruff vocals and a tight, fast, rudimentary, kick-ass rhythm section. Like JFA and OPIV had a baby. They have a very legitimate reason for breaking up/going on hiatus, as they started college this fall, at different colleges no less. This one gets me because I would have loved to see these dudes fulfill their massive potential, they have alot of talent and authenticity. Hopefully they'll keep up music and we'll get them back in some form, maybe even intact!
Recently I was told that Ba-Durr! was on hiatus. You know Ba-Durr!, they play as frequently as Tit Patrol. Now, I'll say it right here that they are not allowed to go on hiatus. I can't go on hiatus. Tom von Count can't go on hiatus. It is a logical impossibility. Can't stop, won't stop! I'm sure it's Connor and Alex, who are lazy. Chris Ba-Durr! also plays drums in Powerstance and now in Tragic Johnson!! He is not lazy.
Also in Connor Ba-Durr! news, I have in my hands the rough mix of his other band, the Adelies', first EP, entitled "Show Your Teeth." I'd call it "Show Yer Teeth", but that's just me. They recorded it with the ex-Big Blue House boys, relocated out of Richardson Park to Newark. I preface this review with all that other jive because the Adelies are in some state of flux. They told me they were breaking up, something about Dragonball Z, I believe. But really, I think it is that old chestnut of going to college. BUT - Tit Patrol is playing with them at the Spot on October 24, so how broke up can they be? Anyway, the Adelies (pronounced Uh-del-eez) play third wave style ska punk, big and chunky, smooth and spunky, and most importantly catchy.
This record starts out very well, just kick drum and the vocals come in with possibly their best hook - "My best friend is a bottle not a knife. I'll never fuckin' cut myself because I love my life. And if it gets so bad that I don't wanna live no more, I'll drink a lot of liquor, cause liquor is the cure." On the surface this a very well delivered call to hedonism, completely lacking that cheesy voice most bands this poppy use, it is gruffer and actually in the vein of Leatherface, but the verse, which is that standard quick change A-E-D progression that the ska boys love so much, reveals that the point isn't entirely the bottle, but "not a knife", it's an alternative to violence against self and other, maybe even anti-war. This a pretty good plan, but I've found through personal experience that weed would be a better drug for the occasion, an actual cure. After the initial hook they engage in some Misfits-style "whoas" in a pre-verse musical interlude. The verse is the first drop to clean ska upstrokes, back to the hook with full band and loud distorted guitars on chorus, back to the same verse repeated, chorus again, and then it gets interesting. The tempo changes into a skiffle beat and the guitars go clean and played straight up, and best of all the saxophone gets very pronounced. This execution and the simple fact that the break is in there at all set the Adelies apart. This is a great songwriting maneuver, the chords in that great "Runaround Sue" progression, and the sax feigning "Blue Moon". Then it drops back to the kick drum/vocal intro hook and repeats with everything huge, up and down chunk palm muting, and gang vocals, ending with the Misfits "whoas" and slow it down on the last one for a big ending. Great tune, well executed, giving the ska punk fan the standard stuff they want and upping the ante song-wise to round it out and make it truly unique.
The next song starts with a clean guitar riff, reminiscent of the Smugglers, actually, which is rather high praise for a riff. Then the rhythm guitars in 1-4-5 and whole band kick in and the rough mix guitars sound awesome, unrestrained. I'll miss them when they are tightened up in mixing. The only way to increase the intensity would be to jump from the half notes played on the ride cymbal to quarter notes, like my man Marky Ramone. I think that the drums suffer the most from being in a rough mix, though you can pick out some nice high-hat work throughout. The vocals come in next with that Leatherface sound, but much poppier, perhaps a nod to Midwest beard-core. It also has that Sid con Carnie, Super Hi-Five, struggling to stay in key and it totally works - sound. In fact the slice-of-life, passionately delivered vocals fall into that comparison well. "There's a full moon out tonight. Just like the last one. I swear I'm gonna make it mean something this time. Newark is quiet, it's summer. And we should treat it just the same." The chorus is complex but very poppy. I think that the rough and gruff Adelies sound keeps it from achieving that bittersweet Jimmy Eat World feel, and that is a good thing, and the main riff pulls it all together. The second chorus is followed by a serviceable solo, which in the roughs sounds like a less confident Vindictives solo, complemented well by the nearly-in-key hollering over it. It rolls out very well, the main riff over and over with "It's a warm night out tonight, just like the last one," chanted over it. Very good tune, these boys seem very mindful of tempo, but I personally would like to see them push it a little and get song times down by a few seconds. Upping the intensity of this number would push it over the edge.
Next is back into full ska mode with an intro that reminds me of Wrenfield. Oh you don't know Wrenfield? Great songs, bad attitude, Ninja Attak used to play with them alot in the mid-nineties. Mike Cruz, Ninja Attak's drummer sat in with them and Mike Biankawanka was the songwriter/guitarist/singer. When I wasn't into drinking Natty Ice, Mike C. found a kindred soul with Mike B. who was not as cool as he thought, perhaps the greatest cardinal sin in the Bible of Dan. But, their songs were really, really good, and this intro reminds me thoroughly of them. It is also the first track on the disc with lead vocals from Connor and lots and lots of sax. Contemplative and poppy, catchy and very smooth. The pre/post-chorus is just harmonized "whoas", but the actual chorus is sweetly heartbreaking. It ends with Connor singing, in "na-nas", the main lead guitar hook, and after the music ends, Connor does a couple more sarcastically soulful "na-nas" and you can hear the band laughing. I hope that stays in, nice little ska love song.
Next is my favorite Adelies song live, as it starts with very upbeat drums and a clean tone riff, which again is very Wrenfield-esque. (I can make you a tape, live from Mike Cruz's basement.) I think the thing that does it is the use of major thirds... yeah I know about music, chump. Then the distorted rhythm doubles the riff before dropping to a half-time stall for the first chord of the verse pattern, which is something like G-Em-C, as seen on the new Riverdale’s in "Rocketship X-M" or the Headies "Teenage Heartbeat"... awesome progression. The chorus is my favorite Adelies thing. It's the main riff played repeatedly with the three Adelies vocalists harmonizing downwardly with each other over three bars til it looks like their gonna pass out and relieved by a series of "heys!" It is beautiful and effective, and they do it great, but this is the only point of the record where "tightening the screws" could be a good thing. It is a showpiece chorus and could be a hit, so nailing it isn't bad. But the point of rock and roll or its derivatives is not perfection and the sound comes across very well. After the second time through they drop into a very Jimmy Eat World breakdown for a couple of seconds but retrieve the Adelies sound with the sax and ska-stroked rhythm before one last big chorus and out. Really good song, but I just realized: needs more bass! Where you at Connie?
The last song on this five-songer starts with another great progression. That is a key to the Adelies, they certainly don't rest on standard progressions you've heard before a million times, nor do they just throw chords together for the sake of being unique. I can see them playing with it til it gets right. The progression here is almost old fashioned, and the sax helps with that classic feel. Then it hits with a quick breakdown with "hup-hup" and that tongue roll that all the ladies love. Then straight up third wave style verses with Connor vocals, full on chorus, and back to the breakdown, and repeat. Then a real-deal slowed down ska bridge with sensitive guitar work and great horn, building in tempo back to the chorus and out.
Overall I am really impressed and into this record. It's modern yet reminds me of mid-nineties styles that are still not just very good, but what people should be doing. The only drawbacks to having early edition rough mixes is that after some fine tuning I could probably hear more of what the vocals are doing, pick out more lyrics, and have a better grasp on the rhythm section, but that is neither here nor there, because the Adelies have really good songs. That's the important thing. If they were played on trashcans and cigar box guitars, they'd still be good. Each one has a hook and though reminiscent, is not reliant on any other tune, very original and sentimental yet tough. I for one hope that this is not the last record I get from these boys... and Ba-Durr! should record too. Lazy.
The Adelies minus Justin on Sax... where's my man at?
I talked to Arik Victor, proprietor of Creep Records, where at Plow's records where recorded and on which they were mostly released, in around 1998, when Plow was broken up and their swan song Narcolepsy was recorded and done except for front man Brian McGee's vocals. They were pressuring Brian into doing them and doing them well, up to the standards we had all come to expect from McGee's one of a kind raspy voice. I asked him why it was so hard to get him to do them (I was totally drooling for that damn record), and Arik conjectured that Brian knew once the vocals were done, so was Plow, and Brian was having a hard time dealing with that. He even joined Throttle Jockey and then Super Hi-Five, indicating to me that he was not done with the scene. Sean Rule, the greatest drummer of all time, had a whole big life outside the scene and Plow. He was a teacher at our high school and engaged to be married, but still, upon Plow's disbandment, Sean approached Huffer and myself (whose band Ninja Attak had run its course) to start a new outfit with him, and Power of IV played with great success for four more years. So, without pointing any fingers, it would seem that Joel was in the driver's seat of Plow's end game. Bands breaking up is inevitable, and now Plow will always be great, so perhaps they had all our best interests in mind, but it hurt, damn bad. I'm adolescent in my feelings about music as well.
This summer we lost three bands that admittedly were never in the Plow escalon (Who is? Tit Patrol, that's who! Ha ha!) but nonetheless it leaves me with a feeling of discontentment. First to go was the Impatients. I was there at the inception, five girls picking up instruments and learning how to play them as they became a band. They played a handful of gigs and recorded some demos, which I have still never heard. They had some songs that were sorta Ramones-y or Cramps-like, and some songs that were more Melvins-ish, but it all had a pretty unique sound, lots and lots of low end, soft tone on the guitars, all played slow and deliberate, with a strong and confident vocal that went from low and disinterested to a screeching yelp. Their break up was maybe a little nasty, and I won't go too into details I can't confirm, but I can say with confidence that there were true creative differences, no bullshit. I know Tanya on lead vocals wanted a darker less tonally based sound and Ally and Jill, the rhythm section, wanted to continue to pursue a brighter, more pop-oriented sound. I don't know what guitarists Shawna and Marta wanted. So, Tanya, Shawna, along with Chris Crust, Ivan Frankenstein, and Ian Thrash have pursued their sound in a new outfit called Doll Fangs that I haven't heard yet, and Ally and Jill started a new rock and roll act with Devo from Sexon Horses and Sam from Cave Bats (I think) called the Chandeliers, and I'm waiting for them to lay some tunes on me as well. The Impatients was fun while it lasted, but a real shame that they never got past the neo-natal stage of being a band. I was always especially impressed with the dedication that Ally has to the bass and can't wait to see her explode!
Next was my fave, high school skacore by S.H.O.T., aptly anagrammed Super Humans Over Taking, who I've raved about many a time here at Danthology. These guys had the look and the sound and a great fuckin' demo recorded at the Big Blue House. I will always remember all their great sets this summer (their "Beat It" cover was the best) and miss them playing. They played a great mix of thrashy hardcore featuring lots of high end, gain, and virtuoso guitar solos and scratchy ska punk with gruff vocals and a tight, fast, rudimentary, kick-ass rhythm section. Like JFA and OPIV had a baby. They have a very legitimate reason for breaking up/going on hiatus, as they started college this fall, at different colleges no less. This one gets me because I would have loved to see these dudes fulfill their massive potential, they have alot of talent and authenticity. Hopefully they'll keep up music and we'll get them back in some form, maybe even intact!
Recently I was told that Ba-Durr! was on hiatus. You know Ba-Durr!, they play as frequently as Tit Patrol. Now, I'll say it right here that they are not allowed to go on hiatus. I can't go on hiatus. Tom von Count can't go on hiatus. It is a logical impossibility. Can't stop, won't stop! I'm sure it's Connor and Alex, who are lazy. Chris Ba-Durr! also plays drums in Powerstance and now in Tragic Johnson!! He is not lazy.
Also in Connor Ba-Durr! news, I have in my hands the rough mix of his other band, the Adelies', first EP, entitled "Show Your Teeth." I'd call it "Show Yer Teeth", but that's just me. They recorded it with the ex-Big Blue House boys, relocated out of Richardson Park to Newark. I preface this review with all that other jive because the Adelies are in some state of flux. They told me they were breaking up, something about Dragonball Z, I believe. But really, I think it is that old chestnut of going to college. BUT - Tit Patrol is playing with them at the Spot on October 24, so how broke up can they be? Anyway, the Adelies (pronounced Uh-del-eez) play third wave style ska punk, big and chunky, smooth and spunky, and most importantly catchy.
This record starts out very well, just kick drum and the vocals come in with possibly their best hook - "My best friend is a bottle not a knife. I'll never fuckin' cut myself because I love my life. And if it gets so bad that I don't wanna live no more, I'll drink a lot of liquor, cause liquor is the cure." On the surface this a very well delivered call to hedonism, completely lacking that cheesy voice most bands this poppy use, it is gruffer and actually in the vein of Leatherface, but the verse, which is that standard quick change A-E-D progression that the ska boys love so much, reveals that the point isn't entirely the bottle, but "not a knife", it's an alternative to violence against self and other, maybe even anti-war. This a pretty good plan, but I've found through personal experience that weed would be a better drug for the occasion, an actual cure. After the initial hook they engage in some Misfits-style "whoas" in a pre-verse musical interlude. The verse is the first drop to clean ska upstrokes, back to the hook with full band and loud distorted guitars on chorus, back to the same verse repeated, chorus again, and then it gets interesting. The tempo changes into a skiffle beat and the guitars go clean and played straight up, and best of all the saxophone gets very pronounced. This execution and the simple fact that the break is in there at all set the Adelies apart. This is a great songwriting maneuver, the chords in that great "Runaround Sue" progression, and the sax feigning "Blue Moon". Then it drops back to the kick drum/vocal intro hook and repeats with everything huge, up and down chunk palm muting, and gang vocals, ending with the Misfits "whoas" and slow it down on the last one for a big ending. Great tune, well executed, giving the ska punk fan the standard stuff they want and upping the ante song-wise to round it out and make it truly unique.
The next song starts with a clean guitar riff, reminiscent of the Smugglers, actually, which is rather high praise for a riff. Then the rhythm guitars in 1-4-5 and whole band kick in and the rough mix guitars sound awesome, unrestrained. I'll miss them when they are tightened up in mixing. The only way to increase the intensity would be to jump from the half notes played on the ride cymbal to quarter notes, like my man Marky Ramone. I think that the drums suffer the most from being in a rough mix, though you can pick out some nice high-hat work throughout. The vocals come in next with that Leatherface sound, but much poppier, perhaps a nod to Midwest beard-core. It also has that Sid con Carnie, Super Hi-Five, struggling to stay in key and it totally works - sound. In fact the slice-of-life, passionately delivered vocals fall into that comparison well. "There's a full moon out tonight. Just like the last one. I swear I'm gonna make it mean something this time. Newark is quiet, it's summer. And we should treat it just the same." The chorus is complex but very poppy. I think that the rough and gruff Adelies sound keeps it from achieving that bittersweet Jimmy Eat World feel, and that is a good thing, and the main riff pulls it all together. The second chorus is followed by a serviceable solo, which in the roughs sounds like a less confident Vindictives solo, complemented well by the nearly-in-key hollering over it. It rolls out very well, the main riff over and over with "It's a warm night out tonight, just like the last one," chanted over it. Very good tune, these boys seem very mindful of tempo, but I personally would like to see them push it a little and get song times down by a few seconds. Upping the intensity of this number would push it over the edge.
Next is back into full ska mode with an intro that reminds me of Wrenfield. Oh you don't know Wrenfield? Great songs, bad attitude, Ninja Attak used to play with them alot in the mid-nineties. Mike Cruz, Ninja Attak's drummer sat in with them and Mike Biankawanka was the songwriter/guitarist/singer. When I wasn't into drinking Natty Ice, Mike C. found a kindred soul with Mike B. who was not as cool as he thought, perhaps the greatest cardinal sin in the Bible of Dan. But, their songs were really, really good, and this intro reminds me thoroughly of them. It is also the first track on the disc with lead vocals from Connor and lots and lots of sax. Contemplative and poppy, catchy and very smooth. The pre/post-chorus is just harmonized "whoas", but the actual chorus is sweetly heartbreaking. It ends with Connor singing, in "na-nas", the main lead guitar hook, and after the music ends, Connor does a couple more sarcastically soulful "na-nas" and you can hear the band laughing. I hope that stays in, nice little ska love song.
Next is my favorite Adelies song live, as it starts with very upbeat drums and a clean tone riff, which again is very Wrenfield-esque. (I can make you a tape, live from Mike Cruz's basement.) I think the thing that does it is the use of major thirds... yeah I know about music, chump. Then the distorted rhythm doubles the riff before dropping to a half-time stall for the first chord of the verse pattern, which is something like G-Em-C, as seen on the new Riverdale’s in "Rocketship X-M" or the Headies "Teenage Heartbeat"... awesome progression. The chorus is my favorite Adelies thing. It's the main riff played repeatedly with the three Adelies vocalists harmonizing downwardly with each other over three bars til it looks like their gonna pass out and relieved by a series of "heys!" It is beautiful and effective, and they do it great, but this is the only point of the record where "tightening the screws" could be a good thing. It is a showpiece chorus and could be a hit, so nailing it isn't bad. But the point of rock and roll or its derivatives is not perfection and the sound comes across very well. After the second time through they drop into a very Jimmy Eat World breakdown for a couple of seconds but retrieve the Adelies sound with the sax and ska-stroked rhythm before one last big chorus and out. Really good song, but I just realized: needs more bass! Where you at Connie?
The last song on this five-songer starts with another great progression. That is a key to the Adelies, they certainly don't rest on standard progressions you've heard before a million times, nor do they just throw chords together for the sake of being unique. I can see them playing with it til it gets right. The progression here is almost old fashioned, and the sax helps with that classic feel. Then it hits with a quick breakdown with "hup-hup" and that tongue roll that all the ladies love. Then straight up third wave style verses with Connor vocals, full on chorus, and back to the breakdown, and repeat. Then a real-deal slowed down ska bridge with sensitive guitar work and great horn, building in tempo back to the chorus and out.
Overall I am really impressed and into this record. It's modern yet reminds me of mid-nineties styles that are still not just very good, but what people should be doing. The only drawbacks to having early edition rough mixes is that after some fine tuning I could probably hear more of what the vocals are doing, pick out more lyrics, and have a better grasp on the rhythm section, but that is neither here nor there, because the Adelies have really good songs. That's the important thing. If they were played on trashcans and cigar box guitars, they'd still be good. Each one has a hook and though reminiscent, is not reliant on any other tune, very original and sentimental yet tough. I for one hope that this is not the last record I get from these boys... and Ba-Durr! should record too. Lazy.
The Adelies minus Justin on Sax... where's my man at?
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