Thursday, September 11, 2008

Everybody's Workin' For the Weekend, Right?

I would like to use this opportunity to announce my retirement from the restaurant game, and standing here in front of you, I consider myself, the unluckiest man in the world. Nah, not really, I'm super excited. All I've ever done, pretty much, since entering the so-called work-force fourteen years ago was food service, and I can't wait to do something else. I realized that I love cooking, like cooks, but hate chefs and their attitudes. I love Gordon Ramsey, and his "the F-Word" on BBC is bloody excellent. Ordinary British people and low-level celebrities work his kitchen for a night and see how many people choose to pay per course, and he busts on them or congratulates them accordingly. Also included is a behind the scenes at Ramsey's personal projects, like brewing ale and a look at raising animals to eat, and they show how to kill 'em, cause it's British! (It's off-putting but necessary for deliciousness. By the way, there is a lot of blood in each and every cow!) But, now all these American douche bags think that that is how chefs are supposed to act (swear words and belittlement), not just how one dude acts, while in character. I can tell you, some chefs are amazing, what they can do with food, but it is no more a talent then putting tail lights on Pontiacs, it is practice, like anything else. Anyone can play a guitar like Jimmy Hendrix if they try hard enough. So, any frustration pent up and directed at a certain soul-food slinger named Dan is contrived and inappropriate!

I started working in 1995 at the Rita's Water Ice on Silverside Road. As printed in Urine Zine issue #3, the franchise owner/my boss was a lady who recently stopped menstruating and hated me for it, apparently. Rita's is a weird store. The ice is really good and they have countless flavors, but it couldn't be less authentic, five gallon drums shipped in from Rita's Central. Around here, we have real Water Ice stands. Fusco's Italian Ice on Union is as real-deal as it gets. They only serve lemon and they make it fresh everyday with lemons and ice and salt and sugar and this weird machine. (I got to use it!) And also on Union is Yatz's Polish Ice, who are just slightly less authentic, as they broaden out what flavors they make, but it is seriously the best water ice in Wilmington. The fresh strawberry and strawberry-lemonade flavors are the tops, and Yatz's is a full-service steak shop too. Across Pennsylvania Ave. is the dark horse, Rose's Italian Ice with lemon and cherry. That is where I got every water ice I ever had till Rita's came around. I was not suited for Rita's. It was extremely corporate and I swear they hated me from day one. I only worked there for like a month, everyday sick to my stomach that I had to do anything I didn't want to. My tenure there ended when I gave free ice to the kids from the Shoplifters and my bitch-ass boss saw me. New to me that this was frowned upon, as everybody constantly gave it out, but I wasn't allowed to, so out I went! I flipped that store the bird every damn time I drove by for the next five years.

Next I worked at the Melting Pot on Concord Pike in Independence Mall. If you don't know, the Pot is an extremely nice fondue restaurant, perfect for sexy dates and mother's day. Guests cook their own food in hot oil or bouillon at their table, so all three course, cheese course, entree, and chocolate dessert, are all prep and no cooking. I started in "the Pit" scrubbing stubborn cheese pans and dishes, and to this day I have never been stinkier than working in a fondue restaurant. Eventually I was identified as not a fuck up and got to design dessert plates and even invented a chocolate design they use to this day. The yin-tang, half white chocolate, half dark chocolate with circles of milk chocolate in the fat part. The best part was that we got out at like ten or eleven but I wouldn't go home until one or two, so the whole time I worked there I got about four hours of sleep a night, and would fall asleep driving alot.

I got sick of the hours though and soon moved to a Delaware institution, Capriotti's Subs! My time there makes me really proud, because you will not get a better sub in the whole world than at Cap's. Franchised all the way out to Las Vegas now, if you show your Delaware ID there you get a free small turkey! Pulled turkey, not that crummy deli stuff!! The best taste in the world is a fresh hunk of, slow-cook roast beef, hot from the oven over night and on white bread, dipped in the juice! You should break into any given Capriotti's during the night while they have their beefs and turkeys in the oven, and eat them.

Around now is when I realized there was something wrong with me. I had a great job with great hours that I could walk to, and all the pastrami I could eat, but I hated it. I hated the idea that I had to do anything I ever didn't feel like. At school, days that I worked were horrible, always hanging over my head with responsibility. Not big responsibility, just any responsibility was too much. A schedule existing with my name on it that dictated when I would be anywhere, anywhere at all, was no good. That's why I quit little league at Babe Ruth level. They all told me that everybody has to work. Why? To make money because that's how the world works, and the only way out is suicide. Even crime denotes a schedule, trust me, I tried. Shhh... I have never stopped resenting this apparent fact. They say you must work to make money to not starve. I say I could win the lottery. They say I have not done that (and in fact have never played the lottery), so it doesn't matter. I say it could happen so it does matter. I could literally find ten million dollars if I'm lucky enough, just like Willie Lohman never did. I could have a hit single or sell pictures of celebrity babies one time and never have to work again. I could write "Catcher in the Rye" or "The Bible" and sell copies for life without publishing again. The fact that these possibilities exist means that there is hope, and hope trumps despair. I have worked for thirteen some odd years with a total of the entire time, only about eight months unemployed. Those eight months were more productive than the rest combined. I do what I must in this reality, but I wholly reserve the right to think it is fucked up. I should be given a pass for being me, redeemable at the grocery store and 7-11 and the weed dude and local eateries and the comic book shop and Citizen's Bank Park and eBay. Oh, I also refuse to use a bank. It has cost me more money to keep my money in a bank than is conceivable. Anyway, the point is that working should be that which fulfils you, not that which obstructs your fulfillment, ideally. But it's not so I cook for bucks.

The closest thing I came to job fulfillment was working at the Comic Book Shop in North Wilmington. It was a dream come true really. All the free comics I could want and the store to run as I would. I stayed up on every new book and got all kinds of classics like "The Death of Gwen Stacy" and "Spiderman No More" and "Batman:Year One". I used to have girls over and lock up the shop and show them the back room, if you catch my drift, and smoke weed in the toy section after hours. Amazingly it wasn't this behaviour that got me canned. I spaced on opening on a new comic Wednesday and was rightfully given the boot! Losing this job is the only tangible regret I hold in my life.

After that I went to college in Newark and the Huffer got me a job washing dishes at Iron Hill. I was the great white hope, the only non-Hispanic dishwasher and I held very little respect for the rest of the Caucasian staff, but they loved me and soon I was on line making salads, appetizers and desserts while Huffer tossed pizza pies around the corner. It was here that I fully realized that people who work in restaurants are crazy and frequently substance abusers, much like hair stylists. This was the worst job I ever had, because we'd get off around one and get drunk ass wasted until early in the morning, sleep until five and go do it again. This schedule is not good for mental stability, and I made it out by the skin of my teeth.

I moved to Paper Mill Road and Billy Frolic hired me and Karl and Todd and Grant at Peace-A-Pizza, delivering pies around Newark. This was a real free-for-all and a true blast. We would keep kegs in the walk-in and the whole staff was tanked all the time! I loved driving around in the nice weather all toasted and seeing people's houses and dorm rooms and stuff. I was a bona-fide wild man at the time and the entire system lended itself well to innocent hedonism. Unfortunately, Billy received his first unfair firing, and me and half the staff walked out with him. Did I mention that it is horrible hippie-style pizza for trendy losers? Well it is!

In order to be around fellow degenerates, I took the job as a bus boy, or as they call it a server's assistant, at Iron Hill on the Riverfront. We had the all-time greatest bus crew of all time. Me, Karl, Grant, and Bobby Nowell were the Dream Team of servers assistants. This place was a real grab-bag of girls to date and get messed up with. It was like living in a vacuum were you can happily free-fall without fear of hitting the ground. We lost Bobby when the manager Gay Eric tried and make us bus boys carry trays at all times. It may sound small, but this could not fly and Bobby actually walked out when Eric tried to force it on him. I got a weak thrill out of carrying tens of pint glasses in front of everybody, but it wasn't enough. I was relieved of my duties as this one hostess's boy-toy, crashed my car a couple times, read some Green Lantern comics, and decided to resign and enter rehab and the loony bin at the Rockford Center.

After I got clean I took three months off before getting hired yet again by Billy Frolic at Dead Presidents Pub on Union Street. This would be my longest tenure at any job and the closest I came to being okay with working. That is, I worked (once again) with Todd and Karl and Billy and virtually no one was being a dick to me. I could know I had to work and not be deeply depressed about it. I was also on medication! At Dead Prez I made the only real friend I ever made at a job. Master Ray is actually the kindest person I know, a top-notch conversationalist and music fan. I love Ray! We all had alot of fun and did a great job at DP, taking ownership and making the restaurant a success. Unfortunately this was not enough for ownership. The Lucey Brothers are Salesianum grads (like us boys), but they are old school, molestin' style Catholics, all talk, no rock. It turns out they realized they could pay someone less than Billy to run the store, so they railroaded him, saying he was not committed enough and drank too much, both blatant lies to everyone who worked there. Todd and I used this as an opportunity to quit, and I called up them boys and told them all about themselves and what they could do with their jobs. Those pussies offered me more money (I was making jack shit!), and with Billy's approval, I stayed on the project I had started. It wasn't new managements fault, they put assistant GM Brownie in charge and bartender Nicole took up his position. They are both great people who want to succeed, but were payed less than Billy and ultimately less was expected of them. Brownie exceeded all expectations and made me kitchen manager, but neither of us, least of all me, needed any responsibility or people blaming me for orders arriving late, etc... so I asked them to hire a real manager. The dude the Lucy Bros. brought in was probably the creepiest douche bag I have ever had the displeasure of being around/working with, and both Brownie and I had had enough, resigning within a week of each other. Now the place is hangin' by the thread that is Raymond.

I used the following two months to weigh my options and shop around my talents. It was probably the most stressful vacation I ever took, having no money and begging, borrowing, and stealing my way through the summer, until Dead Prez's Nicole set me up with a new kitchen, 1717 on Delaware Ave. I took the job, being told it was five days a week, never working past eleven, and the kitchen would be mine to do with as I will. I was surprised to come in on my first day to find the new kitchen manager, my old buddy Toby from Iron Hill, we would be opening seven days a week, and on three of those days I'd have to stay until 1 am! We had fun for a month, but it was clear not only that I am burnt out on cooking for a living and that I can not be around people I don't know who drink or use non-marijuana drugs excessively, so I set out on a new path.

My best friend Todd works for Action Supplies Unlimited in New Castle, and as of now, so do I! I am their newest sales representative and I can not wait. We sell chemicals, paper, plastics, cleaning supplies, any and all supplies you need for your place of business, I will sell to you and offer Hank Hill-esque service to go along with it. It is a local company that is focused on environmentally friendly alternatives to harsh cleaning chemicals. One of the many things that attracted my to the job (along with working with Todd, the enlightening characters from which I can learn, my love of that which is clean and multicolored chemicals, etc...) is how old-school it is. Save for the chemical make-up of the product, the job is the same as it would have been in the 1950's. I'm reading all the literature on my product to know how best to explain and sell it, as well as Arthur Miller's "Death of a Salesman" which I feel will give me the insights I need for greatness.

They say "do what you love and the money will follow." In my experience I have not found that to be true. I mean, if you love playing video games, you can get a job designing video games, not playing video games. What's more, what if all I love is playing R.B.I. Baseball 3? It would be extremely far-fetched to think you could find a job playing R.B.I. Baseball One, let alone Three! If you love playing punk rock in your basement and don't even want anybody to see what you do (that DOES NOT describe me, by the way), you might be able to get paid playing some version of your music, if you concede to play it outside your basement. If you only love playing basketball but are five foot two, you might be able to get a job coaching, maybe. The point is if you get paid for doing what you love exactly it is a rare and fortunate accident. For the most part doing what you love must occur in spite of the need to make money or starve. To those who have it both ways, you are a blessed person. So for now, I retire from the food-service industry, until my dad opens a restaurant, at which time I'll be ready to do it all!

Vote Handsome Dick Manitoba/Jimmy Rollins in 2008!

In our current two party system, the choice is obvious. One must vote Democrat this year. Not only does McCain represent the same policies that have torn our country apart over the last eight years, we also stand at the crux of history in which we can protect American's rights with a vote for Obama, or set up the series of events to rob us of said rights with a vote for McCain. With that being said, I have a soft spot for third party candidates, and one ticket running this year really caught my eye, really speaks to me and for me. The ticket is the one you've been hearing about from the alternative media, that's right Handsome Dick Manitoba/Jimmy Rollins in 2008!! I was lucky enough to attend the convention held at Manitoba's bar in Manhattan, NY. Rollins made abrief statement about being the "ticket to beat" and called winning all fifty states before yielding the floor to Manitoba. Here is the transcript of his acceptance speech for the presidential nomination.









Manitoba starts out by responding to those critics who question his and his V.P.'s qualifications for the most powerful positions in the free world as a legendary punk rocker and tavernist and the most sabermetrically sound short stop in modern baseball.

Who's that boy with the sandwich in his hand? You won't miss me, even though you can. He could make a dead dog laugh, and watch me kick my mother on her ass. He's no boy and yet he ain't no man. He don't know what he's gonna do. In three years, I'm gonna be fifty-two. All his friends think he's great. He's their favorite degenerate. You might say he's just too crazy for you. You can bet that he's no Mickey Mouse. Give me an hour, and I'll destroy your house. Eatin' eggs all day long, sleepin' with the TV on. He looks just like you, turn him inside out.

Then a quick statement of brand and a dig at the competition.

I am a pilgrim looking for danger. I am an outlaw, I am a stranger. I'm just a clown walking down the street. I think John McCain is a creep. I need a girl, I need release.

Then Mr. Manitoba focused in on the issues, telling us exactly why he'd best suited for the job.

Talk, talk, talk, talk, keeps getting in the way. Speaking as a young artiste who has so much to say. So now you know my situation, understand my aggravation, building up so strong inside, cause I wanna make some noise. I can play faster and louder. I can dance faster and louder. I can live faster and louder. I'm a man faster and louder. I can scream faster and louder. I can jive faster and louder. Walk the dog faster and louder. Mow the lawn faster and louder. Jump back jack! Faster and louder. Get down Bernice! Faster and louder. Hot Pants!

So tell me pretty baby, are you still talking bout yourself? You're such a non-conformist, just like everybody else. And if you had a heart, tell me would you use it? And if you had a thought, I think you'd confuse it. And if you understood exactly what I'm saying, would you have the common sense to kiss my ass? Cause I am right. I am right. I am right. I am right.I'd like to take your ego and crush it into a little ball. And then I'd take my baseball bat and knock it over the center field wall. Cause if you had a soul, I think you would sell it, and if you had a life, you'd serve your time in hell. Justice can be sweet, power is corrupting, so it would be my pleasure to have you kiss my ass. Cause I am right. I am right. I am right. I am right.And if there was a god, I think she'd give her blessings to every dirty deed, I would be confessing.So before I knock on heaven's door please grant my last request. Would you be so kind as to kiss my ass? Cause I am right.

Hippies are squares with long hair, and they don't wear no underwear. Country Rock is on the way. I don't want music, I want pain. Dictators can swing. Make you dance and sing. Cause no oil spill. You don't know us, but you will! We're the members of the master race. Got no style, and we got no grace. Sleep all night, sleep all day. Nothing good on t.v. anyway. Gasoline shortage won't stop me now, Oh no!We've reached a higher spiritual plain, that is so high, I can't explain. We tell jokes to make you laugh. We play sports so we don't get fat. We can sweat and stink. We can eat and drink. Don't do what we're told. And we're scared of growing old! We're the members of the master race. We don't judge you by your face.First we check to see what you eat, then we bend down and smell your feet.

Mr. Manitoba then goes on to discuss some of his constituents and the financial problems they've been facing under the Republican administration.

Benny got a new tattoo down at the St. Mark's Zoo. He walked down to the park, drinkin 40's till it's dark. Talkin to a grey haired man in a tye-dyed shirt and ragged pants. He said, "That's where the hippies used to play. Down on Avenue A." Susie got a new pair of shoes. Now she don't know what to do. So she's sitting in the Park, smokin' pot till it's dark. Talking to a toothless man with spiky hair and leather pants. He said,"I knew Stiv in the day. And that's where the junkies used to play. Down on Avenue A." When every memory is gone, and everything you know is wrong... Takin' the edge off on a beautiful day, with a Frappacino and a creme brulee. Yeah, it's all over when you see a Range Rover, and to my bodega, I say, "hasta luega." It's not what you do, it's what you say. And it's not who you know, it's who you pay down on Avenue A.

Smoking marijuana, watching channel five. Got to get my strength up in this struggle to survive. Everyone's an asshole. Everyone's a creep. I look out my window and there's garbage in the streets. I live in the city, I breathe dirty air. I ride trains with b-boys, junkies, queens and squares.Everybody's hungry and don't know what to do. I used to live on pizza, now I live on Chinese food. I can't stand my neighbors screaming all the time. If I wasn't blasting "Sister Ray" I could lose my mind. I live in the city. I breathe dirty air. I ride trains with b-boys, junkies, queens and squares.Safely someone's smiling, the fat man waits his turn. Soon he'll count his money while the south Bronx slowly burns. Get out for the children. Get your ass and run. Get out of this stinkin mess. To a safe suburban slum.

Oh Weekend, Benny took downs in class. The principal found his stash, his mother's gonna get his ass.Oh Weekend, In his room he'll stay. Dreamin when he's king he'll say, "Everyday is Saturday!"Oh Weekend, Bobby is a local punk. Cuttin school and getting drunk, eating at McDonald's for lunch.Oh Weekend, soon he threw up in the store. But if he does it anymore, I'll make him eat it off the floor.

Finally Mr. Manitoba focuses in on the only issue greater than freedom of choice.

I fall to my knees and look to the sky. Who will save rock and roll? Murray The K is not here today, so who will save rock and roll? Every protest singer, every guitar slinger, every punk rock sinner sells his soul.My generation is not the salvation, so who will save rock and roll? I saw The Stooges, covered with bruises. Who will save rock and roll? Every mercenary, three chord revolutionaries, choose your side and choose it well. June 1st, 67 something died and went to heaven. I wish Sgt. Pepper never taught the band to play.

You say you wanna rock and make it to the top? You gotta look good and you gotta act tough. You don't know what to do, I'm givin you a clue, so you can be the next Supreme Rock Dude.

I can go anywhere, people look and people stare. They all know that I'm the one, not to let your son become. What I want to do I do, who I want to screw I screw. Playin' in a heavy band, guess I'm just a Two Tub Man.I drink Pepsi Cola for breakfast. I've got Hilary Clinton in my pants. I'm never gonna watch channel 13, edjumacation ain't for me.

So he's a little soft on the education issue, but still the most interesting candidate in this very interesting race. And if you like extremism and mavericks (Republicans) than write in your vote for Manitoba/Rollins in '08!

Campbell Strikes Again!

Hot damn, this is cool! Bobby Campbell drew up this official endorsement, and that is in fact what I'm talkin' 'bout when I'm talkin' 'bout America! I can only imagine the Mr. Moist Obama, or the "Main Man" Timmy Toner's McCain and Palin... do it.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

All-Time MLB Franchise Players - NL East

As promised, here is the big list, the top franchise player for each current team throughout their history. Said player must have nearly career-long personal success and have participated in their team's success. Staying on one team throughout their career will be a plus. I will also throw in some honorable mentions and current, newer players who may well achieve that ultimate franchise status. I'll go in order of the standings as of today. In the interest of brevity (ha ha), I'll break it down to a division per post over the next couple days.
National League East

New York Mets - It's hard to give the all-time franchise seal to any of the "bad guys who won" from the '86-'88 teams because their stars, Darryl Strawberry, Doc Gooden, Kevin Mitchell's, careers all kinda went awry due to drugs and ego. And Mike Piazza couldn't carry the team to World Series victory in 2001. The best Met ever has to be Tom Seaver. Actually nicknamed "the Franchise," Seaver is the Mets all time winner with 311 wins, 3,640 strikeouts and a 2.86 ERA. In 1969, Seaver had 25 wins and the first of his three Cy Young Awards en route to leading the Mets to their first ever World Series win.


Philadelphia Phillies - The best team there could ever be, my Phillies have had a cadre of excellent, representative stars. From the greats like Richie Ashburn and Robin Roberts to today's stars Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Cole Hamels, et al. I believe that barring any ludicrous trades that Jimmy Rollins is in fact the all-time Phillies franchise player. If you only watched baseball in 1993 then my man Lenny "Nails" Dykstra of John "the Krukker" Kruk could easily fit the bill. But for now, it is clearly the Scmidter, twelve time All-Star, Michael Jack Schmidt. I grew up watching Schmidt club his way towards 548 home runs, and in 1980 he won the MVP (one of three he would win) and led our team, along with Pete Rose, Steve Carlton, Greg Luzinski, and Tug McGraw, to World Series victory. Schmidt was a pro, earning ten Gold Glove Awards and rarely showing emotion or compassion for Philly fans who simultaneously loved and hated him for it, but always realized we were watching possibly the best third baseman in baseball history do his job for us.


Florida Marlins - Another expansion team, like the Rays, it is difficult to pinpoint the Marlin's franchise player. Many great players had sub-par seasons with them, and their two World Series Championships were largely a patchwork quilt of rent-a-players not suitable for the franchise tag. Their 1997 World Series team consisted of great players who you can't even imagine in a Florida uniform, like Bobby Bonilla, Moises Alou, Gary Sheffield, and Darren Daulten. The 2003 squad had future Red Sox stars Josh Beckett and Mike Lowell, Chicage Cub Derek Lee, L.A. Dodger Brad Penny, etc... These were really good teams but without commitment to maintaining the nucleus of players either time, the band broke up. Until last off-season, I would have bet it all that either third baseman Miguel Cabrera or side-arm fire-baller Dontrelle Willi$ would have soon fit into that all-time franchise label, but they are Tigers now, to varying degrees. Currently, the Marlins have some very good young talent that could rise to franchise status like All-Star second baseman Dan Uggla, and the great Hanley Ramirez at short stop, but if Florida repeats its history, this young talent will be traded for much older big names and a quick fix. If there is a Florida Marlin all-time franchise player, it would have to be Jeff Conine. He was an original Marlin, and on the 1997 and 2003 World Series teams. He is a two time All-Star with respectable mid-level numbers, but he is known by some as "Mr. Marlin" due to his quiet, intangible quality that helped Florida become World Champs two times over.


Atlanta Braves - Despite all the talent Atlanta has boasted over the years, offensively Eddie Matthews, David Justice, Terry Pendleton, Ron Gant, Chipper Jones, and pitching Tom Glavine, John Smoltz, Greg Maddux, Steve Avery, Warren Spahn, this is an easy one. Despite having played half his career in Milwaukee until the Braves moved to Atlanta in 1966, Hammerin' Hank Aaron achieved his greatest fame and ultimate goal in Atlanta. He wrested the crown from Babe Ruth's head to become the new Home Run King in 1974 with a career total of 755, a title he achieved without performance enhancing drugs. Aaron was a twenty-one time All-Star and holds the record for career RBI's, extra base hits, total bases, and he is in the top five all time for each hits, runs, games played, and at bats. He won a World Series and league MVP with the eventual Atlanta team in Milwaukee in 1957. Each year the Hank Aaron Award is given to the most effective hitter in each league.


Washington Nationals/Montreal Expos - Well, not much has ever gone right for this franchise, no matter what country they play in. Since they moved to Washington, the best National has been Alfonsonso Soriano, who mainly used RFK Park as a place to learn to play left-field before going on to a good team in Chicago. Ryan Zimmerman is a vacuum at third base, but young and not consistently offensively impressive. You have you go back to Montreal and take a look. Greats like Pedro Martinez and Vlad Guererro got their start in Montreal, but the best team was in the late '70's with "Rock" Raines, Gary Carter, and the Montreal all time franchise player, Andre "the Hawk" Dawson. Dawson played the fourth most games as an Expo that anybody ever will, was the Rookie of the Year with them in 1977, and is the only expo ever to hit 200 home runs and steal 200 bases. A five point player, and eight time Gold Glove Award winner, the Hawk could do it all and finished second beind Mike Schmidt in the 1981 MVP voting. Dawson stands with only Willie Mays and Barry Bonds in the 400 home runs/300 stolen bases club.

All-Time MLB Franchise Players - AL East

As promised, here is the big list, the top franchise player for each current team throughout their history. Said player must have nearly career-long personal success and have participated in their team's success. Staying on one team throughout their career will be a plus. I will also throw in some honorable mentions and current, newer players who may well achieve that ultimate franchise status. I'll go in order of the standings as of today. In the interest of brevity (ha ha), I'll break it down to a division per post over the next couple days.

American League East

Tampa Bay Rays - The Rays have employed some of the best players of the 1980's. Unfortunately they weren't a team until 1998! Elder statesmen Vinny Castilla, Fred McGriff, and Jose Canseco all played for the then Devil Rays in their unsuccessful formative years. It is very hard to name a true franchise player for Tampa Bay, as they are only this year playing the best baseball of their existence, in first place for most of the season, and the current roster likely holds that franchise player, most likely All-Star rookie third baseman Evan Longoria, pitcher Scott Kazmir, or fan-favorite Carl Crawford. But for now, the Ray's all-time franchise player has to be Wade Boggs. The noted Red Sock and Yankee finished his career in Tampa, got his 3,000th hit there (a home run at that), and chose to retire as a Ray, his number the only one retired for Tampa Bay, save for Jackie Robinson's league-wide retirement of number 42.




Boston Red Sox - My least favorite baseball team has alot of tradition and a slew of classic stars, from Wade Boggs to Carl Yazstremski, to current franchise names like David Ortiz and Diasuke Matsuzaka, and housed great players who would be even more effective and well known with other teams like Jimmie Foxx, Carlton Fisk, and Pedro Martinez. They also can claim one of the best of all time, Ted Williams. Known for his textbook swing, the "Splendid Splinter" was a two time AL MVP, six time batting champ, and amazingly won the Triple Crown (leading the league in batting average, home runs, and RBI's) twice! He was a 17 time All-Star, and finished his career with a .344 average, 521 homers, and 1,839 runs batted in. Most importantly he was the last player to hit over .400 for a season, hitting .406 in 1941. On the last day of the season in 1941, the Red Sox faced a double header and Williams had a virtual .400 average. If he sat it would stay even at .400, but Williams opted to play both games, going six for eight and raising his average the final .006 points. Williams once stated his goal was to have a father walk down the street with his son , point to Williams and remark, "Son, there goes the greatest hitter who ever lived." Williams at one point reached base at least once in 84 consecutive games and reached base safely in sixteen straight at bats, both solid records. In 1970 Ted Williams authored "The Science of Hitting." While he never won a World Series with the Sox, it wasn't his fault, it was the "Curse of the Bambino". Luckily, they just don't make 'em like the greatest Red Sock anymore, and if they did, they'd have to pay him 50 million a year.









Toronto Blue Jays - Yet another AL East team I hate, the Jay's all-time franchise player cemented his position with my tears, literally. The Jays hadn't had much success in their 31-year life-span, with the glaring exception of 1992 and 1993, winning back to back World Series. Boasting working-class stars like John Olerud, Roberto Alomar, and Paul Molitor, the biggest and best (or worst) Jay has to be Joe Carter. Boasting the only walk-off home run in World Series' history, Carter's blast off Mitch "Wild Thing" Williams and my Phillies in October 1993 made him Toronto's favorite black dude and sent me into a baseball spin I am still dealing with to this day.

New York Yankees - Of course the Yankees have most of the best players of all time. Mickey Mantle, Yogi Berra, Joe DiMaggio, Roger Maris, Phil Rizzuto, Don Mattingly, and my man Reggie Jackson, as well as current-future Hall of Famers like Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter. But, for the all-time franchise player it comes down to two men: Babe Ruth or Lou Gehrig. Babe Ruth was probably the greatest baseball player ever, completely dominant, fifty years of being the home run king with 714 dingers, and a .342 average to boot. Also, his fame reached beyond baseball for the first time in history, the first sports celebrity. Ruth changed the game and in many ways saved it, like the ill-fueled home run race of 1998, he garnered attention from the world for his game. But Lou Gehrig was even better. Known for his comparable love of and excellence in the game, the "Iron Horse" played 2,130 consecutive games from 1925 to 1939 and only stopped due to his amyothrophic lateral sclerosis, delivering his famous farewell speech at Yankee Stadium. He still holds the career record for most grand slams and retired with a career .340 average and 1,995 runs batted in, won two MVP awards and six, count 'em six, World Series rings. He was so awesome at baseball that, while playing for the New York School of Commerce high school squad at Wrigley Park in 1920, in front of 10,000 spectators, at seventeen years old, Gehrig hit a walk-off grand slam that left the ballpark. On April 28, 1923 while playing for Columbia University, Gehrig hit a 450 foot home run that left South Field and landed on 116th and Broadway. Gehrig was the first player of the twentieth century to hit four home runs in one game, and he was robbed of his fifth by a leaping catch. In 1936, Time magazine called Gehrig "the game's No. 1 batsman", who "takes boyish pride in banging a baseball as far, and running around the bases as quickly, as possible". Upon Gehrig's his retirement, Yankee Manager Joe McCarthy described Gehrig as "the finest example of a ballplayer, sportsman, and citizen that baseball has ever known". In January 1949's Sport magazine, Ogden Nash wrote, "G is for Gehrig, The Pride of the Stadium; His record pure gold, His courage, pure radium." His number "4" jersey was the first to be retired in major league baseball.








Baltimore Orioles - While the O's experienced the most success as a team during the 1960's with stars like Brooks Robinson, Boog Powell, Frank Robinson, and Jim Palmer, the greatest Oriole played during the 1980's and '90's. Of course it was Cal Ripken Jr., the man who broke Gehrig's "unbreakable" record of consecutive games played, resetting the record at 2.632 games. Staring his career with back to back Rookie of the Year and MVP wins, Ripken set a precedent of excellence, based in fundamental baseball, on and off the field. One of the best men to play the game, and 19 time All-Star, Ripken's overtaking Gehrig's record is referred to as the "most memorable moment in baseball history." Ripken is known both for his extensive charity work and his involvement in youth baseball.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Breaking News - Hot Toddy Denounces Shirts

Two more from Wilmington's Punk-a-Billy jokers, Hot Toddy and the Wilmington Wastoids, recording very soon with noted difficult producer Skinny Dick Jones, aka, the Sam Phillips of the Brandywine. Of course, your Wastoids are: Hot Toddy - shirtless vocals, Danny Robinson - lead guitar, mc Ben - semi-visible aluminum man and rhythm guitar, Grant Robinson - mini-sideways electric stand-up bass, and J-Vav on the skins! Videos once again from my man, James Yetter, party dude and humantitarian, lover of Birds and trees. Thanks Jamesage!

"Greyhound Bus"


"When I Get Home"


Check out all of James' videos at http://www.youtube.com/user/bigyetter

Walkin' Wilmington and Walt's Fried Chicken

On a day like today, in a city like this, you gotta get out and do your wander round. I hung out with Raymond and discussed the function of the Pineal gland. I hung out with Karl and discussed the greatest all-time franchise players in MLB history. I played the Ramones with Todd and Ally. I checked out the poling places for the local Democratic Primary, like the Boys and Girls Club and P.S. duPont school. I know what you're thinking, "Democratic primary day! You must be so excited!" Well, I am and I'm not... see, when I originally registered to vote, it was like 1998, and we didn't know what was about to go down political-party wise in America. Things were so righteous that I was in a position to think very broadly and assume that the two-party system was a system for simple-minded cave dudes and we're really close to expanding this joint. I didn't know the perversion Republicans were about to reveal, or that the Democratic party would once again stand in strong opposition to elitism (whilst being accused of it). I held the luxary, at that time, of registering "independant." Let me say, in my defense, that I didn't realize the value of primary elections at the time. And what's more, I live in Delaware, which will always and forever be Democrat-heavy, a "blue state" I believe it's called. We are very unique, a state once divided by the Mason-Dixon line, and the northern, much more populated New Castle county is highly urban and always favors Democrats. So, I was safe to, in 2000, vote for the much more vibrant, progressive, marijuana law-reformin', and equally environmentally-minded Ralph Nader, rather than the (seemingly) bland Al Gore. I new Gore would carry Delaware, which he did, and I got to happily support my third party candidate. Now, in 2004, there was no futzin' around to be done, so I bellied up to the bar and voted for John F. Kerry (or rather voted against George W. Bush), as did more than half of American voters. Then things got fuzzy and, well, time makes fools of us all and I forgot to ever freakin' re-register as a Democrat. I know, I know... so anyway, luckily (I assume) my pick won the presidential primary, but here we are with my precious local elections and I'm stymied. I wished to support a gubanatorial candidate! Well, I can't wait for November 4th...

Anyway, after Toddy's house I hopped into my car and tried to start 'er up, but the thing wouldn't go... outta gas, as usual. Well, I am in a rare open-parking zone on Van Buren and Gilpin, so I figured I'll get a can o' gas later and walk on home, from Happy Valley to 7th and Greenhill, right outside Wawaset Park. I started up Shallcross towards Trolly Square and passed by all those old-folks apartments and hipster apartments in the Delaware Avenue neighborhood, all around ten to fifteen story jobs. I swear all those grandma's musta been fryin' chicken at once because the whole neighborhood smelled like a church picnic! I knew right then and there what I wanted, nay, needed for dinner: Walt's Flavor Crisp Chicken. If you don't know, Walt's is a Wilmington institution and the best soul-food style fried chicken in the world not made by my Grandmom Robinson. Their two thighs and fries deals are legendary, and also necessities like mac and cheese and collard greens, biscuits and fountain Mountain Dew, and oddly-placed but really good trendy desserts. Walt's is known for (at least) two things: their mystical secret recipe originated by founder Harry Sheppard, who I assume is Walt, into which they dip their plump, juicy chicken, and their technique. Walt's chicken expert scientists claim, "The secret to Walt's savory chicken lies in the patented pressure frying process. Pressure frying seals the juices and the flavor inside the chicken, while providing a crispy, golden-brown coating on the outside." They ain't kiddin'! The first Walt's has been at 527 Vandever Avenue off of N. Market for twenty-seven years. From the Headies-Cave on Harrison, you'd go down a block and over the Van Buren Street bridge, and go right past the Brandywine Zoo, emus and llamas on your left, the creek on your right (don't go up Monkey Hill on your left), go past mc Ben and James' house and make a left onto Market, Vandever will be on your right. But that's in the opposite direction and it was gettin' dark out, and I'm not tough enough to roll over there on foot after dark.

Walt's has experienced nothing but the success it deserves, if not monetarily, their tradition of quantum fried chicken art stands apart from all competition. After years of wedded bliss, Walt got divorced and it came to light that the elusive secret recipe was actually his wife, Miz Walt's. She went out on her own, opening a store on Union Street right off of PA Ave, where my video rental store used to be, and where the Union Street Tavern is now. Initially, Miz Walt was so sucessful, she teamed up with cajun man Fat Rick and opened a joint effort "Fat Rick BBQ featuring Miz Walt's Flavor Crisp Chicken" in the upscale North Brandywine Hundred. On the last day of our junior year, me, Brendan "Huffer" Huffman, and Mike Gallagher went over to Fat Rick's and got down on crawdads and fried chicken and cherry cokes. As Miz Walt's came and went, Walt kept it real on Vandever and eventually sold the store and recipe to Larry Fletcher. Fletcher opened another Walt's franchise at 103 N. Lincoln off Lancaster Ave, just two blocks out of my way on my walk home.

I walked towards Trolley Square past affluent family's beautiful homes with fountains in the yards and tea gardens that smell amazing, looking inside at bookcases and glowing flatscreens. I walked through Trolley Quare and past Gaudiello's, home of "the Nigerian" sub and ribeye cheeseteaks, and the incomparable Ciao Pizza, best in Wilmington, and the Hollywood Tan that used to be the Smoke Shop with a carved piece of Bethany Beach driftwood out front and a wooden Indian where I bought my '87 Topps and Batman and Ghostbusters 2 cards, and my old barber shop, where my barber Vinny would cut the Archbishop Bevalaqua's hair and sell jewelry out of the shop. I walked up Dupont Street across Eleventh into Little Italy and the smell of garlic bread filled the air, distracting me only for a second from my true goal, remembering all the chicken I can get with five bucks, as opposed to ten plus for spaghetti and meatballs from Mrs. Robino's. Past Fourth Street and out of Little Italy past the rim shops and like three new Metro PCs stores and a bunch of dudes demonstrating who has the best jump shot without a ball and into sweet, sweet Walt's where I promptly ordered up the three-piece dinner box, with a thigh, a leg, and wing, and fries. I practically flew home up Fourth past Bancroft and then past Roberto Clemente field where pee-wee football practice was just letting out and I juked and jived around all these little dudes in their pads, holding my chicken box like the pigskin. I hustled across the Flats between Lancaster Ave. and 7th, where huge boxwoods and thirty foot pines line the streets and mechanics' garages shine bright listening to radio hip-hop. I bust up the three flights of stairs into my apartment and crack an ice cold Pepsi, eat my chicken (the thigh was the best), watch the Phillies, the election results, and wait for my girlfriend to get home from cheerleading practice.
www.waltsflavorcrispchicken.com

Art For Obama

http://www.manifesthope.com/ is a partner with http://www.moveon.org/ that recently held a contest to create works of art themed around Democratic Presidential nominee, Sen. Barack Obama. As they say, "Art plays a pivotal role in creating cultural momentum. The Manifest Hope Gallery celebrates that role and shines a spotlight on artists across the nation who use their voices to amplify and motivate the grass roots movement surrounding the Obama Campaign." I picked a few of my favorites, they definitely don't represent the scope of all contestents, I like funky art, not warm folky stuff... by the way, is Obama wearing an Andre the Giant/Obey lapel pin to the left here? Oh, and if you got time... a Bobby Campbell and/or Todd Purse original Obama would be righteous! Hint, hint...

"Stars and Stripes" Phil Fung from Miami, Florida




"Unite Us" by Nicholas Rock from Providence, Rhode Island

"Obama/Hope '08" by Shel Starkman from Los Angeles, California


"Hope Monger" by Patrick Haemmerlein from Los Angeles, California

Monday, September 8, 2008

Everything You've Ever Wanted to Know About Republicans (But Were Afraid to Ask)

For years, American politics has been in a state of disrepair. For one, the previously tacit youth had held a mask in front of their face, a mask of apathy which affected their successors more than their own phony selves (Note: the apathy WAS a mask, as our Gen-X elders elected Bill Clinton twice with record youth and black voter turn-outs). This mask said that the enormity of the electorate rendered any one vote meaningless. This little problem is old and outdated, and my man Freddy Nietzsche comes to mind, whereas me and all the cools have self-ascribed meaning as best we can for a while now, after all, "it's a super-man's world and the rest are fucking fads." The rest referring to the American non-voter. (Well, not exactly... their are some good reasons not to vote: if you just don't care, don't wanna, forgot, or got too high and spaced on the date, but not cause it doesn't matter, mattering is a personal matter - make it matter and it matters, get it? But don't let anyone make you vote if you personally don't want to!) The other reason to feign apathy is the real problem with America's flawed system. If the Electoral College is calling all the real shots, then maybe your vote really doesn't count, but again, your vote not counting is no reason not to vote. Last on this triumvirate of inadequacy is the feeling that everyone knows that the Republican Party in favor of George Bush tampered with not just the voters, but actual ballots in each of the elections that resulted in his presidencies. Intimidation, misinformation, and lying came to the front of the Republican Party during the last eight years, specifically in their campaign techniques and failing that, flat out cheatin'. So, yes, your vote may never count or be counted, but we, the new generation have a new view. Insurmountable odds are nothing to us and we're too smart to be misdirected, right? Right. So please allow me to catch you up with what's been going down on the U.S. political scene for the last few decades, specifically the last few days.

A Brief History of the Republican Party
The crux of the matter lies at the heart of the Republican party and why no-one with any moral integrity, intelligence, or love of America should vote for them until they clean up their act. What did the Republican party stand for originally? The designation of a "republic" refers to a government response to dictatorship in which liberty and its protection are the primary goals. Liberty is protected in a republic by a rule of law which applies to all citizens and in fact would also govern the government. As John Adams put it, "They define a republic to be a government of laws, and not of men." In order for a republic to be healthy, its citizens must actively oppose corruption and uphold civic virtue. So it is not surprising that Republicans were first and most importantly anti-slavery. The party was actually founded as a response to the Kansas-Nebraska Act which would have allowed the expansion of slavery into Kansas. They were opposed to the so-called "Slave Power" those old, old money southerners who wanted nationwide legal slavery. They were also the party of modernization, supporting higher education, banking, industry and farmers, arguing that free trade is morally and economically superior to slavery on the national level and in fact represents the basis of what American values must be "Free Soil, Free Labor, Free Men," as advocated by Thomas Jefferson. This ideology was cemented by the election of the first Republican President, their best, and probably the best president ever, Abe Lincoln. Sickeningly, Republicans still refer to themselves as the party of Lincoln while spitting on both civil rights and modernization. Through Lincoln, Andrew Johnson, and U.S. Grant, the Republicans wrested political sway in the South away from old racist democrats, appealing to free blacks and northern opportunists during the post Civil War reconstruction. Grant passed the Fourteenth Amendment, guaranteeing Constitutional rights to free blacks and supported their eventual voting rights. But the experiment didn't hold. When Rutherford B. Hayes withdrew the last Yankee Troops from the South, racial inequality continued and ran rampant in the uneducated, ignorant areas, securing the Southern vote for the Democrats until 1964.

Following the Civil War, business was booming, due in large part to the modern ideas the Republicans had initiated in the previous two decades. They supported big business and small government, that is the idea that government regulations should play little part in the lives of their citizens, only to protect and serve and not interfere or nanny grown up citizens. Republicans also stood for high taxes, maintaining the gold standard, and taking great care of Union Veterans. They supported the annexation of Hawaii, which the Democrats opposed, and prohibition of the manufacturing, sale, and consumption of alcohol. These were pretty unpopular decisions amongst U.S. citizens in general, and the party began changing its game-plan. Instead of running on what it could do, it ran on what the other party might do. "Rum, Romanism, and Rebellion" were used to scare the populace. Rum indicated the Democrats were pro-liquor, Romanism meant they were all corrupt Catholics, and Rebellion reminded people that they were secessionist racists. So cultural and religious issues were now subject to political scrutiny. Prohibition was their gay marriage or abortion issue, relying on people's religious views to get votes. Those who though drinking was immoral, a social ill, voted Republican. Those who thought it wa a personal matter of choice voted Democrat, irregardless of civil rights issues, etc...

By the time of William McKinley, big business and lobbyism were in place in U.S. politics, with McKinley getting record contributions from business owners. McKinley cow towed to these special interests, but his assassination and my man Theodore Roosevelt's trust-bustin' Republican presidency cause a rift in the party, allowing Democrat Woodrow Wilson to interrupt this Republican era for eight years. But after that TR's progressive ideas were now a real faction within the Republicans and social reform was something they actually did, not just prattle off on endlessly with the truth being diametrically opposed to what comes out of their mouths like some Republican candidates today. They battled Tammany Hall and fought to strengthen urban areas and disallow labor unions from engaging in wasteful strikes. They opposed the League of Nations and higher taxes (now), and promoted business interests to benefit all of America. TR's Republicans stood for regulation of business and citizens, not obstruction, federal control of interstate business, and the shifting of burdens from poor to rich, from employee to employer, etc... All this came to a head when the stock market crashed and America blamed the Republican's sometimes lax business laws. For the first time, urban and black voters saw their interests better represented by the Democrat, Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

FDR was anything but conservative, which literally means to attempt and change as little legislation and day to day life as possible with government actions. He burned it down and built it up, legislating his ass off to fix his country. Republicans fought him tooth and nail and labeled his big government "socialist" in order to scare people off from voting for him. People back then realized the difference between social conservatism and what politician's jobs are though, and actually voted for their economic interests, unlike middle-American dirt farmin' Christies today, who vote with their religion, all the way to the poor house. During this time the Republicans split into two "wings." A left wing that supported what the New Deal legislation was doing right but wished to tweak it and run it more efficiently, and a right wing which wished to overturn the New Deal and block FDR's legislation at all costs, even that of their country. This right wing cost the Republicans the 1948 election, with Harry Truman pointing out their inability to pass any legislature that didn't pander to them, and the U.S. citizens, and especially the Electoral College, responded. Richard Nixon was the last liberal minded left-wing Republican President, and his corruption, which seems cute by today's standards, no worse than Bill Belichick, doomed Republicans to the right, always to the right...

After America recovered from the shock of the Watergate scandal and Gerald Ford's seemingly implausible pardon of Nixon for his participation therein, they once again voted Republican in grand numbers, but by now, there was no real left wing to speak of within the party, liberals jumping ship after Nixon's muff-up. Historically, some Republicans were moderate or liberal on domestic and social policies. They favored New Deal programs, including regulation and welfare. They were very strong supporters of civil rights. They were strongly supported by big business on Wall Street (New York City). In fiscal policy they favored balanced budgets and relatively high tax levels to keep the budget balanced. They sought long-term economic growth through entrepreneurships, not tax cuts. In state politics, they were strong supporters of state colleges and universities, low tuition, and large research budgets. They favored infrastructure improvements, such as highway projects. In foreign policy they were internationalists, and anti-Communists. They felt the best way to counter Communism was sponsoring economic growth (through foreign aid), maintaining a strong military, and keeping close ties to NATO. Ronald Reagan didn't give a fuck about any of this, and neither did his supporters, particularly a new breed of Southern Republicans. The Democratic lock on the South was decisively broken. The long-term cause was that the region was becoming more like the rest of the nation and could not long stand apart in terms of racial segregation. Modernization that brought factories, businesses, and cities, and millions of migrants from the North; far more people graduated from high school and college. Meanwhile the cotton and tobacco basis of the traditional South faded away, as former farmers moved to town or commuted to factory jobs. The immediate cause of the political transition involved civil rights. The civil rights movement caused enormous controversy in the white South with many attacking it as a violation of states' rights. When segregation was outlawed by court order and by the Civil Rights acts of 1964 and 1965, a die-hard element resisted integration. Republicans appealed to a less-educated, blue-collar electorate that on economic grounds favored the Democratic Party, but opposed segregation. After passage of the Civil Rights Act most Southerners accepted the integration of most institutions (except public schools). With the old barrier to becoming a Republican removed, traditional Southerners joined the new middle class and the Northern transplants in moving toward the Republican Party. Meanwhile the newly enfranchised black voters supported Democratic candidates at the 85-90% level. In addition to its white middle class base, Republicans attracted strong majorities from the evangelical Christian vote, which had been nonpolitical before 1980. The national Democratic Party's support for liberal social stances such as abortion drove many former Democrats into a Republican Party that was embracing the conservative views on these issues. Conversely, liberal Republicans in the northeast began to join the Democratic Party. Today, the South is again solid, but the reliable support is for Republican presidential candidates.

So Reagan won by a landslide with votes from "Reagan Democrats," Democratic voters who had voted for Reagan in 1980 and 1984 (and for George H.W. Bush in 1988), producing their victories. They were mostly white, blue-collar, and were attracted to Reagan's social conservatism on issues such as abortion, and to his hawkish foreign policy. Reagan Democrats no longer saw Democrats as champions of their middle class aspirations, but instead saw it as being a party working primarily for the benefit of others, especially blacks and social liberals. Reagan slashed taxes and got rid of the last of the New Deal policies, save for social security. Reagan's policies involved hard edged tactics against enemies of America and he is credited with an economic resurgence in the U.S. and with ending the Cold War. Most American's mistake these successes for successes of conservatism, when the truth is a conservative president also accomplished these things.

Bill Clinton was a fucking outstanding president. Though he failed to legalise medical marijuana in California, otherwise his two terms were an unmitigated success. America was safe and prosperous and minorities, youth, and the middle class were well tended too. But unfortunately, the conservative media lambasted him incessantly for engaging in human sexual behaviour, again blurring the line between personal morals and ability to govern. With this inundation of conservative ideals, the right wing grasped control and for the first time began truly spreading their agenda. Huge government pushing conservative Christian ideals into legislature. We all know that Jerry Fallwell was a treasonous traitor, a fear monger and finger pointer. He blamed 9/11 on feminists and gays and noted America got what it deserved in light of our moral inferiority. These and the rest of his hate doctrine are 101 courses at his so-called Liberty University, the law school from which approximately 150 Bush staffers and cabinet members graduated. It's obvious what is happening. The separation of church and state is not the proper way of things according to these conservative Republicans, and in fact George Bush has frequently admitted his decisions are based in his gut reaction and prayer, legitimate motivations for calling plays in school-yard football maybe, but certainly not politics.

What has been labeled a "Culture War" by conservatives, the divergence of liberal/conservative ideals amongst Americans and the desire for them to vote based on them is a misnomer. It is actually a Holy War, a Civil Jihad declared by the right-wing in America. What's worse, it may not even be genuine. The Karl Rove method for winning an election: find a non-political wedge issue, an issue that splits America down the middle, politicise it, and side with the 51% side. In 2004 it was gay marriage. Stone-age assholes love that my U.S. constitution defines marriage as the union between one man and one woman. It should be something along the lines of "marriage is the union between two people." You don't force 'em to love each other or stay married by law, why force 'em to be opposite sexes? Because there is a half a line in the so-called Bible about men not lying with men (or more likely they are intimidated by those different than them and justify it through the Bible or pseudo-naturalistic procreation-style arguments). First, why these people can pick out a random line and ascribe American legislative reasoning to it is beyond me, manipulative and shady, and second, they don't even care! It was a trick to get those who want to go to Christian heaven to vote for them! Now, even more clearly inappropriate is the issue of abortion. The only way, the only way one could say abortion should be illegal is if it is definitely "murder." That is that "life begins at conception" definitely and no other alternative. One, no fucking way life begins at conception. That worm you got in your womb CAN NOT survive without you, it can not live without you. It is not a human yet, it is still a parasite. If it survives it will become a human and at that point aborting it would be immoral. I hate abortion. I hate the idea of it, and I think it would be sick not to wish it could stop, but that is horribly unrealistic. No one comes to the decision to have an abortion easily, and the idea of unilaterally stripping Americans of this sensitively held, seldom understood right is a decision devoid of sense. The real sickening thing is this right to choose is just one they want to take away. The conservative right wing of the Republican party, which I am saying IS THE WHOLE PARTY NOW, mocks the right to privacy, equal rights, equal pay, and anything else they can whore your religion off on into tricking you to believe. Are you scared of Muslim terrorists? They hate us for our freedom? Well our freedom has eroded under this conservative America and they still hate us. They hate us for our occupation of their land and our interference in their Holy Land. Pushing Christianity on the world stage is the best way to lure suicide bombers towards Los Alamos. So this is the neo-conservative agenda, split the country, win the election, legislate from their Bible. The current nominees for the Republican ticket are a perfect example. Though, of course this is actually not a Democrat v. Republican battle, it is Democrats (political party) v. Conservatives (faith-based group).

Official Endorsement - Sen. Barack Obama (D) Illinois
Okay, I support Barack Obama. Why? Because he obviously thinks. Americans are intimidatable, more than any other country. They are of course intimidated by race. This is the most disgustingly racist country on god's Earth, but even more than that, Americans are intimidated by intelligence. So intimidated that they passed on Al Gore, telling themselves it was for any other reason than that he is smarter than them. So they voted for a dummy, someone comparable with their educational goals met. Not me, I want someone smarter, better than me (for the position) in charge. Issue wise, it's all important. Anybody who can read should know that there will be, for all intents and purposes, no oil within sixty or so years. Drilling off-shore in America will not change this, there simply is not enough, it is a NON-RENEWABLE resource. Drilling off-shore will not lower gas prices, and if fact, if legislature did pass to allow off-shore drilling, they would not even do it. Big Oil just wants the rights to do so, so in the future when gas will be ten dollars a gallon or more, they can sell it to the remaining idiots. Long story short we need to change not to nuclear power, but to wind. America is custom made for wind farming, and if they had they technology in the 1700's Tommy Jefferson and mc Ben Franklin would have been supporters. Of course this is pretty brand new, but America's natural gas resources could serve as a bridge over the next ten years until the technology is complete. Check it all out at www.pickensplan.com in which big oil dude and former G.W. Bush supporter T. Boone Pickens gives us the straight dope on the situation. I am P.O.'d that Obama must compromise on off-shore drilling in order to achieve bipartisan comprehensive energy plan, but that is politics, baby.

Economically, by the numbers, Obama will raise your taxes if you make over 250,000 dollars a years, cut your taxes if you earn between 20,000 and 249,000 dollars a year, and big rebates and incentives for those who earn under 20,000 dollars a year. The average citizen under Obama's plan will pocket 5% more in cash a year, around 2,000 dollars a person. McCain's plan is identical to Bush's making permanent tax cuts for the wealthiest one percent and big business, actually costing those who make under 250,000 dollars annually about 3% of their income. Amazingly, white middle class voters vote AGAINST their own economic interests, either buying the lies the Conservatives spit or caring more about religious issues that their own well being. The health of America is the health of the middle class, and only the Democratic ticket's plans favor the middle class.

Health care wise, the Democratic congress has a terrific plan of conceivable, affordable, fair universalesque care that Bush wouldn't let through. McCain will push his own plan that further taxes the middle class, while Obama will pass congress's plan.

Nobody says what I think about immigration, which is this is fucking America and the Melting Pot is not just a restaraunt. Any and all immigrants, especially Arab and Hispanic should be welcomed with open arms, allowed to work legally no matter what, speak whatever language they damn well want *FREEDOM OF SPEECH* and given respect and love they deserve. No stupid fence at the border (Stay out of my yard, you damn kids!). I may be skewed a little on this one though. I live in Wilmington, DE, 54% black, 36% white, 6% Hispanic and growing. We actually live, work, and play with people of all races and can't be scared by what we don't know. Middle America and random racists should read or live outside their comfort zone for awhile before they vote against other humans who want the better life they deserve. Or better yet don't vote at all. That is key: most values these conservatives cherish are the oppisite of what America stands for: freedom, choice, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happines, free trips to the salad bar, etc... I am personally ready for any tax increase this takes.

On corruption, Obama has ran his campaign spitting in the face of lobbyists, while McCain and his bee-yotch give lip service to a clean and fair campaign while nested comfortably in the same pockets as the Bush administration (the military-industrio complex, Christian fundamentalists, etc...). The double talk of the right in general is a huge problem, but I'll get to that in a minute.

Now, let's say for the sake of arguement that Obama is a terrible dude who really would do all the lies and slander that the Conservatives thrust on him. Even if that was true there is one and only one issue in this election that is representative of the overall problem, and that is the pro-life/pro-choice debate. I'll make it as clear as possible. There must be a seperation of church and state for our leader to govern properly. The only reason abortion can plausibly be seen as a negative right is through a religious lens. It is a personal choice, not one came to lightly, and certainly not one that should be made for you by outside parties who do not allow for audibles, i.e. a prgnancy resulting from rape or incest or a pregancy that endangers the mother's life. Conservatives have tried to overturn Roe v. Wade, the ruling which garantees the right to abortion, but have been unseccuessful only because the Supreme Court has judges which have favored fairness and law over personal faith-based agendas. Two such upstanding judges, John Paul Stevens and the famous Ruth Bader Ginsburg, are now elderly and on the verge of retirement. It is extremely likely that the next president will chose up to two new justices in the next four years. McCain has made it abundently clear that he will choose judges who will vote to overturn Roe v. Wade. He has made it clear that under his presidency this vital right will be taken away from American women. Nothing else is as important as a presidential nominee running on the platform of removing rights from American citizens, and noone who values freedom and has the intelligence to seperate fair legislation from internal moral questions should support him.

Lastly I will vote for Barack Obama becasue he is black. To me it is just a bonus that he is a qualified, caring, intelligent individual who loves America. One of the three biggest issues in modern Amrica is still racism and civil rights. America has long been under the shadow of slavery which built the country. Every civil rights triumph we've had has helped lessen this shadow and bring America closer to the ideals it represents. By hoisting this black man to the most powerful position in the world, we can not only prove the equality talk is not all lip service, we are also put into a position to really strive for that equality we dream of. Not the least of it, I also wanna dig into some sour-fucking-grapes and laugh and laugh at racist-ass America's conservative right wing, knowing they will die still thinking two plus two equals five while Jesse Owens and Jackie Robinson look down on me and Barack like the end of fuckin' Jedi!!!!

The icing on this amazing cake is the addition of my main man and author of the Violence Against Women Act, Joey Biden as the V.P. candidate for Obama. The amount of times they've said Wilmington, Delaware on national news is awesome, and I seriously shed tears in my more emotional moments. I love Wilmington and Delaware so much it hurts me, and that this great man, this yellin', screamin' truth tellin' dude is representing us to the world is highly vindicating. His strident attacks against the bull-shit that was the "surge" and his extreme experience on the global stage are inspiring, and his ability to say, "No you are wrong, and here is the truth," is so rare and needed in Washington these days. He's an actual middle class Senator who has looked out for Delaware's best interests for his entire career and he will do the same for America.

Argument Against Conservatism
So, that is why you should vote Democrat, and here is why you shouldn't vote conservative. First I must say that I have absolutely zero respect for someone simply because they were a soldier. I understand the draw of the military for the poor and uneducated, and know that in extremely rare occasions the military has been used properly, effectively to maintain peace and secure America or the world. However, simply serving does not make you respectable or good or important. Some of the worst people I ever met were soldiers (and maybe a couple of the best). What's more, being a Prisoner of War certainly does not qualify one to lead. As John Simmons astutely commented all those years ago, being a P.O.W. just means you were a shitty soldier. And that's John McCain to a tee, a shitty soldier. Now, if the story is true, and McCain remained a P.O.W., letting his compadres go before himself, then hands down, that is heroic, and for that I respect him. However, it has ZERO bearing on the current election. It happened a long, long time ago in a war we shouldn't have been in and could not win. It is virtually identical to our inadequacies in Iraq. The American people were mislead into supporting that war, and McCain has proven his intentions to maintain that misdirection and keep us their, without telling us why or for how long. Again, it is our overtly Christian presence in a Muslim world that cause the 9/11 attacks and continue to infuriate America's enemies and make us new ones. Only through diplomacy and well thought out meaningful attack on terrorists in whatever area, even one that doesn't house U.S. owned oil, will eliminate or lessen any real foreign threat to America. I mean, what did 9/11 attack wanna accomplish? Best case scenario, destroy our economic infrastructure, and at least kill alot of Christians. What does the war in Iraq aim to accomplish? Alter Iraq's infrastructure to better mirror ours, and at least kill alot of Muslims. They are utter hypocrites, as highlighted by John McCain's consistent voting against benefits and health care bonuses for Iraq and Afghan War veterans. These people care about you as long as you are an embryo, once you're born the don't care if you are educated, healthy, or enjoy a good quality of life, then you're valuable again as cannon fodder until you get damaged, the you're fucked again, no benefits, no health care, and if they have their way, privatized social security that would be pretty much another inside joke for the right, and valuable once more when you are old and easily pandered to with your social conservative views. Stop buying it! Find out the truth! Vote for your actual pragmatic WORLDLY interests! So McCain wants to fight WWII in the Middle East, but he is old and out of it, probably not really that evil, just creepy, unqualified, and frightenly pro-war. Back in 2000, I supported McCain, I thought he was different, but the willingness with which he bent over for the right is startling, and the lies he tells are so frequent, people start to believe it. That's what they do, they mix non-consequential truths, half-truths, and lies until everything seems somewhat truthy. This truthiness took McCain away from his moderate turn of the century views and towards right wing agenda of Bush/Cheney's White House. It led him away from the vice presidential choices he though would be best for America and towards a choice that panders, tongue hangin' out, to the conservative right wing, a choice ready to take over as the leader of the free world if natural causes. god forbid, end up assasinating McCain.

Sarah Palin is a walkin' talkin' characature of everything that is Anti-America. She is absolutely perfect for winning the race as well. John McCain knew he couldn't win without the Republican bread and butter babies, the neo-conservatives. McCain's previously independent leanings scared the easily scared and he knew he had to bolster the base. So he picked Dick Cheney in granny panties. This choice was a slap in the face of American women, assuming that they would vote for any given broad. That's what they thought and they for a part were right. I mean, what exempts women from American stupidity? They are as easily bamboozled as men, concerned only with chromosomes, the Y chrome she doesn't have and the extra chromosome crammed in her baby. Yeah, that is the best thing she has going for her for America as a whole, her ill-named Down Syndrome infant. (Fuckin' baby-boomers and ther cutsie-wootzy baby names. The baby is named Trig, short for Trigger I assume, not trigonometry, which the Governer may or may not think exists). One of the most glaring lies told in her acceptance speech was that "special needs" children and families would have a voice in Washington. Of course a little fact check will show that she slashed Alaska's special needs family budget from 8 million annually to 3 million. So actually, they wouldn't have a voice, just a V.P. with a fifth retarded kid. Another non-political issue, her 17 daughter is pregnant out of wedlock. I'm way cool with that. Shit happens, almost happened to me alot! (Praise Allah it never did and I never had to make a CHOICE.) Does it make her a bad V.P.? No, but here's the thing. She knew she was pregnant, she knew the world would find out and judge her, right or wrong for it. My mom would not do that to me. Any good mother would not do that to their kids. A good mother would at some point start practicing birth control so they don't have over-forty year old pregnancies that frequently result in Down Syndrome babies. And, one would assume that a good mother would not cut funding for young at-risk pregnant women like Palin did as governer of Alsaka. Do you have to be a good mom to be a good V.P.? Clearly not, but whether you are a politician or a line cook, if you're a hypocrite, your oppinion is devalued, and someone who harps about what a family woman she is while exposing her daughter to negative world-wide scrutiny is not a good family woman, and a hypocrite, and a lier. The U.S. doesn't know much about Palin. I've been watching her old gubernatorial debates on C-Span and I can not understand how she got elected at all. She sits wedged between two men who are eloquent, kind, and people-minded and she gets eaten alive by the moderators, every question coming down to hunting and fishing rights, no gay marraige, no abortion, no stem cell research. She looked fucking bush league (no pun intended), yet somehow won. It must be the tits. Yeah, I'm not sexist, I got my eyes open and know how people are. (That is that most American men have no taste in women and this busty moron is right up their alley. Seriously, you can get a hot girl that is also smart, funny, and well-rounded, but you sell yourselves short, boys.) It's those same neo-con values and tits that she brought into her only interaction with the American people, if you can call them that, her Vice Presidential acceptance speech. I have never witnessed someone so belittling of American ideals in my life, and I am a punk rocker. Without details, the speech went, "Greeting, lies, sarcasm, lies, horrible joke, lies, sarcasm, condescention, lies, lies, lies, lies, God Bless America!" A few specific lies? That Obama would raise American's taxes... nope, just those making over 250,000 anually. That Republican's want to explore alternative energy sources... nope, she is previously quoted as saying "I disagree with any candidate who says we can't drill our way out of our problem." Genius! That Iran will cut off twenty percent of our energy supply... nope, not unless Iran wants to go bankrupt. That she will reform and join McCain in his anti-earmark platform... nope, she's the opposite of reform, leading the earmarked money per-populace race in America. She lied about her lame-ass luxury jet on e-bay joke. What really happened was she tried and couldn't sell it on e-bay so she ended up selling the 37 million dollar jet for 31 million to a private elite Alaska/Russia hunting company, costing Alaska six million for no reason to fly wealthy dowagers over to Russia to hunt endangered species. Yup, she also wants to remove Kodiak Bears from the endangered species list to please her hunting lobbyists. On Iraq she pleads ignorance, yes ignorance, except for the fact that she knows that it is a mission from God. Ms. Palin, I know Joliet Jake, I sang with Joliet Jake, and Ms. Palin, you are no Joliet Jake. Need more? She does not believe that global warming is man made. Do you? You better or you are an idiot. Read something, anything... I'm from Wilmington, I can show you the creek where global warming started! She is tied in with a pro-secession Alaskan movement, just like the party of Lincoln should do, wishes to ban books from libraries and fired the head librarian who wouldn't play ball. Abusing power like her corporate masters, firing the Chief of Police for not firing her ex-brother in law, voting against her mother-in-law for her mayoral position, these are all Simon Greely-esque actions of a cartoonish corporate villian, not an American Vice President... well maybe a lot like one American Vice President. Worse perhaps than the lies was the condescention. With a perfect "I know better than you do, sweetie" sarcasm she belittled Obama, volunteer social civil work, and America. She snarked, "Well, I guess a small town mayor is kind of like a community organizer, except they have actual responsibilities." This was the second most disgusting part of the speech. She single handedly, single sentencedly belittled every grass roots activist accomplishment that American has ever known, including the work of my man Dr. Martin Luthor King Jr. and all of his ilk which have worked within and without the government if nesacary to achieve positive change in our country, and what's more, she did not state a single responsibility she had as a small town mayor. If you aren't disgusted enough, she went on to spit in the face of habeas corpus, one of the most essential rights dealing with due process in U.S. law, claiming that Obama is more worried that someone won't get their rights read to them than national security. The neo-com crowd rallied around these anti-American sentiments, cementing the image of people who are more concerned with personal bluster and agenda than American law and order.

After this speech, Palin refused to talk with the media. This is a new neo-con tactic. Say the media is out of line in bringing up questions of credibility for the position because they also discuss her daughter's pregnancy. Palin is clearly anti-free speech, anti-informed voters, but why? John McCain refused to appear on moderate CNN's Larry King Live because he claimed King was too hard on Republican dude Tucker Bounds. Bounds says King and CNN were fair and not at all out of line, but that is McCain's story and he's sticking to it. Traditionally presidential and vice presidential candidates appear on weekly Sunday morning talk shows to be grilled and get their platforms discussed. Palin is disallowed with her campaign saying they will only do what is in the best interests of their winning. They admit that Palin discussing her position, history, etc... will be detrimental to a Republican victory, so they won't do it, and the right is cool with that, because they know all they need to know: anti-abortion, wedge driven, let's vote. NO!! If she doesn't talk, she doesn't get anything. Don't let them trick you into a vote. She is not a woman, she is a neo-conservative. She is not a mother, she is a neo-conservative. She is not an American, she is a neo-conservative. What is the difference between George Bush and Sarah Palin? The lipstick.

So what role does the media play? A huge one. A well educated populace is key to a healthy republic. There a several ways to break down reporting styles. There is conservative media, liberal media, and genuine moderate media. Moderate media is largely useless, reporting on talking points of both sides and whatever scandals are mainstream enough to go with. My local paper, the News Journal is pretty moderate, but ran by idiots who can't seem to do anything right, giving semi-hashed stories and not accomplishing anything at all. Conservative media would like to tell the truth, but in being conservative and supporting that agenda they are predisposed towards lying. Bill O'Reilly and Laura Ingrahm are the two biggest traitors to America within the media, proporting lies and slander as fact, hiding in plain sight, screaming fair and balanced while practicing skewed and one-sided. By the way this in NOT my oppinion, this is fact, I checked it out, so can you. Mainstream liberal media is wholly represented by MSNBC which is unashamedly anti-neo-con in Republican clothing. You get a great version of the truth from Keith Olbermann, but his humorous style and truth telln' make him a target for the right. One of the best places for real news is in fact www.huffingtonpost.com, in which the so-called liberal side, i.e. the truth, facts and fact checks, uninterupted by right wing spin. Of course, you must examine what there is in the way of on-line right wing news as well, that is those who honestly, innocently hold the religion near and dear and believe what they believe, but will not be spoon-fed lies by people with agendas, those who dispise abortion yet realize the government's proper role in the debate, that of man's law, not god's.

Please remember this, as an American citizen and voter, these reportings of the truth (which one could see as attacks) are not against you. You are not the ones doing the manipulating, and you can always chose to not be manipulated. The conservative wing in America houses master manipulators, philosophers gone bad, people who know how to make information appear in a way that said information makes you think a certain way about seemingly unconnected ideas. They exploit your beliefs and values in a way that co-opts American legislation. They are taking advantage of the fact that you don't know the truth, don't know how the system works, don't think your vote counts. Think hard, cast off ideas that bind you, be free, make a well-informed decision, and then please do what Steve Rogers would do.