Showing posts with label baseball. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baseball. Show all posts

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Bold Predictions

I have seen the future, and this is how the 2009 MLB season will play out. But I'm not sure who wins the Wild Cards... SPOILER ALERT!

NL East

Phillies
Marlins
Braves
Nationals
Mets

NL Central

Pirates
Cubs
Cardinals
Brewers
Reds
Astros

NL West

Dodgers
Giants
Diamondbacks
Padres
Rockies

AL East

Rays
Blue Jays
Red Sox
Yankees
Orioles

AL Central

Royals
Tigers
White Sox
Indians
Twins

AL West

Mariners
Angels
Athletics
Rangers

See ya in October, chump.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Weekend Update with Anchor Person Daniel Robinson

Welcome to the other side, Monday morning World Baseball Classic Managers... last things first, why the F did Davey Johnson take out my man and prime Phillie, the Flyin' Hawaiian, "Sugar" Shane Victorino, a switch hitter against a righty with a man on third and one out, and bring in Evan "Eva" Longoria to strike out right handed, strand LaRosa (is that right, or was it DeRosa?), and lose momentum, and then allow three more Jap runs in the ninth? I don't know, but if I was the Sweet One, I'd be unleashing the Famous Grouse all the way back to Philly! Go Team Korea!

On Thursday, Tit Patrol was supposed to play down at Chris Ba-Durr!'s house on Madison Drive (why does that street name sound familiar?), but the Main Man was doin' the right thing and filling in for his co-worker on her birthday, so they lucked out and got the Fabulous Headies instead! I was slightly concerned that the slightly more cerebral Otis Redding/Chuck Berry/Heartbreakers/Ramones style punk the Headies do would go over people's heads (we couldn't have less to do with the Misfits), but Ba-Durr! and company went balls out for us and we kicked all the ass, as per usual. Unfortunately we showed up late (the show started at 4pm, and we all had to get out of work first), and missed the opening bands. We talked to the first band S.H.O.T. and they were cool and young and I can't wait to hear them. We're gonna bring 'em up to the Spot, apparently they're neighborhood kids! Next was Pukescreamer featuring Ivan Frankenstein, Sammy Terrifica, and more of my friends, but I'm not sure which! We got there in time for Ba-Durr! who were spankin' it in front of a full Maddy living room. Next Atlas played, and they sure did sound like they had the weight of the world on their shoulders! The Headies played (hopefully) our final set as a three-piece... just wait, you'll love it! The best part of a great night was after the set we were hangin' with Ba-Durr!, engaging in non-illicit activities, our new friend Shirtless Sam showed up... Move over J-Vav, Jess Erving, and Razorcake Magazine, Tit Patrol has a new biggest fan! Some dude was giving tattooes in the bathroom, and Sam stepped into all our hearts by getting the first ever Tit Patrol tattoo! He had Toddy draw the Titty Kitty off the "Robot Pope" 7" on his arm, BIG on his arm, and he got it inked in green! He now receives free Tit merch for life, and we will beat people up for him if he wants us to! I got the pic on my phone, which is solid but free of features, so when I can get my bro to extract it for me, I'll post that glorificous body art! Special cred for Peter "Awesome" Dawson for staying to see us and taking down an entire mosh-room single-handedly while holding a camera! And to King Eric Tragic and Maria for being so freakin' cool!

On the way home from the show on Maddy, Toddy got a call from Grant, who reminded him that he had booked a touring band from Boston (loosely from Boston, we would find), at the Spot months ago. Unfortunately the original booking was the last that my boys had discussed it, so we called up our friends in Ba-Durr! and asked them if they wanted the impromtu gig. Of course they were in to rock, so that was three bands. Todd called Sexon Horses drummer and Spot landlord/proprietor Rocky Highlands (Sean On Horses), who had given these two other bands we don't know the night, so there ya go, show booked. We let the two bands Seany booked go first, as we figured the people who came out were there for Tit Patrol and Ba-Durr! Plus, someone brought a baby, and we wanted it out! Anyway, the first band was inspired by bands like Nickleback or other radio-friendly neu-rock, and the second band was a Korn-clone whose singer looked like mine, Grant, and the Rad One's old neighbor on Delaware Circle, Loki, but it was some other dude, who I'm pretty sure randomly said "Fuck You" to me when I walked by him and his little bro or partner or whatever (who WAS wearing a T.J. Ford Milwaukee Bucks jersey, so props!) They were balding with dread-locks! I thought there was no way to decrease the value of dread-locks, but there ya go! I felt a bit for these dudes, who are playing a kind of music that was popular for a brief time, they clearly fell in love with it, and continue to play it, even if no one wants to hear it. I respect that, but I just don't wanna see it, or have it in my presence! It was brutal, and depressing, and their twenty-five minute sets seemed to last eternally! The band from Boston was called Strike Orange, and they each had a distinct look, which I like. The singer/bass player was punk-as-fuck with patches covering everything that metal studs were not, and a fedora. The guitar player was super-skinny Asian with long crimped hair. The other guitar player looked like John Pyle in a thin disguise and mustache, and the drummer looked like a pretty boy California kid. He confided in us that he was actually from Vermont and a bit nervous about the so-called "hood" that the Spot is in... oi vey! Anyhoo, they played punkish har-edged music that veered heavily into metal sounding riffs, and claimed that school was facist. Now, by the time Ba-Durr! and the Tit were going to play, everyone had much time to drink beers and whiskies, so we were all in top form. Ba-Durr! was great as usual, and I'm liking getting to know those bone-heads, even if Alex did make fun of your Otherworldly Headies for like their whole set for thinking we are/being cool. Apparently he didn't get the memo: I AM THE GOLDEN GOOSE AND NOT TO BE TRIFLED WITH! Ah well, he'll learn. I like them. And then tit Tit, the Tit. We played until we had to close, much to the angry chagrin of the Main Man and Grant, who wanted to keep goin'. We all did, but time had run out, so we wrecked the stage and I ran home to bed and my woman and my...

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Dock Ellis: Punk Pitcher

There is some wild shit going on in some conceptual afterlife somewhere. Last week we lost Betty Page and the great Dock Ellis (by which I mean they died.) While I was familiar with the story of Ellis pitching the no-hitter on acid, there is a good bit more lore that needs airing! For instance I just found out that Dock was black! Weird! Anyway, check out this amazing article written by some dude named Keven McAlester way back on June 16, 2005.

"Balls Out"
or
How to throw a no-hitter on acid, and other lessons from the career of baseball legend Dock Ellis.

Thirty-five years ago, on June 12, 1970, Pittsburgh Pirate and future Texas Rangers pitcher Dock Ellis found himself in the Los Angeles home of a childhood friend named Al Rambo. Two days earlier, he'd flown with the Pirates to San Diego for a four-game series with the Padres. He immediately rented a car and drove to L.A. to see Rambo and his girlfriend Mitzi. The next 12 hours were a fog of conversation, screwdrivers, marijuana, and, for Ellis, amphetamines. He went to sleep in the early morning, woke up sometime after noon and immediately took a dose of Purple Haze acid. Ellis would frequently drop acid on off days and weekends; he had a room in his basement christened "The Dungeon," in which he'd lock himself and listen to Jimi Hendrix or Iron Butterfly "for days."

A bit later, how long exactly he can't recall, he came across Mitzi flipping through a newspaper. She scanned for a moment, then noticed something.

"Dock," she said. "You're supposed to pitch today."

Ellis focused his mind. No. Friday. He wasn't pitching until Friday. He was sure.

"Baby," she replied. "It is Friday. You slept through Thursday."

Ellis remained calm. The game would start late. Ample time for the acid to wear off. Then it struck him: doubleheader. The Pirates had a doubleheader. And he was pitching the first game. He had four hours to get to San Diego, warm up and pitch. If something didn't happen in the interim, Dock Philip Ellis, age 25, was about to enter a 50,000-seat stadium and throw a very small ball, very hard, for a very long time, without the benefit of being able to, you know, feel the thing.

Which, it turns out, was one of the least crazy things that happened to him on that particular day.

The high-desert town of Victorville, California, is the last stop on the long road out of Los Angeles, and the place does little to embarrass the word "shithole." It's best known as the home of five prisons, some reportedly very good crystal meth and a kick-ass Long John Silver's; its primary attraction to residents is that, unlike the small towns across the mountains in California's central valley, its air does not always smell like burning tires and cowshit. It is, in sum, about as far from major league baseball glory as one could get without a spaceship or a body bag. And it's the place that, for the past two years, Dock Ellis has called home.

On a recent Friday afternoon, Ellis, now 60, stands outside his house, waiting for movers to arrive. Ellis lives in an upscale subdivision of identical homes laid out on identical streets; this weekend he's moving to a larger house several blocks away.

Ellis is not a small man--when he drove up in his wife's tiny sports coupe, his knees looked like earrings--and here, now, watching him pace around his front yard, a few flecks of gray are the only suggestion that Ellis' "heavyball" couldn't still kill a small animal. (Well, plus the fact that he can't lift his arm over his head, having torn his rotator cuff lifting weights in 1993. There's that.) In conversation, he's intelligent, funny and what former Rangers owner Brad Corbett calls "dangerously honest."

Throughout his 12-year career as a player, he was often labeled a different kind of dangerous. Brash, gifted and impetuous, he would do almost anything to make a point he believed in. When baseball brass complained about his haircut, he wore hair curlers on the field. When a heckler called him nigger during a minor league game in Alabama, he entered the stands, sat among the hecklers and said, "What happened to all those niggers up here? All those niggers calling me nigger?" (In Ellis' version of the story, he also has a gun in his pocket.) When the Cincinnati Reds taunted the Pirates after beating them in the 1972 National League Championship Series, Ellis decided to motivate his team by hitting every single batter in the Reds' lineup. He hit the first three and walked two before he was pulled. He had, in short, that certain combination of raw talent and insanity that very rarely creates Hall of Famers but almost always creates legends.

"Dock Ellis was without question the most intimidating pitcher of his era," says former MVP and batting champ Dave Parker, who came into the majors on Ellis' 1973 Pittsburgh Pirates. "Bob Gibson is up there, too, obviously, but with Dock it wasn't just his stuff. It was his flamboyance, his perceived militancy and his fearlessness. When he came and said he was gonna hit all those Reds, I thought, 'You ain't gonna do nothing, man.' Then he did it. I gained a lot of respect for him right there. Dock was and is one of my best friends--I call him my baseball father--but after I left the Pirates, he said he was gonna hit me in the face. And every time I faced him, I was scared."

Ellis grew up 97 miles southwest of Victorville, in a section of Los Angeles known colloquially as "the Neighborhood"--a middle-class black suburb nestled between Gardena, Long Beach and Watts. His childhood was, by all accounts, remarkable mostly in its normalcy: His parents loved him, he got into trouble here and there, he excelled at sports and practical jokes.

"I met Dock on the front porch of a lady friend's house in 1962," says Al Rambo, Ellis' cohort the night before the LSD incident. "He drove up in a 1959 four-door Chevy Impala with 'The Nut' written on the rear windshield. He walked up and told me he was a singer. I asked him to sing, and he said he only did it for money.

"He's still the person you call if you want to find somebody from the old Neighborhood. Later, he liked to create this image that he was a gangbanger or something, but Dock never got into much trouble. Except with the ladies."

Ellis and Rambo soon began running around with a couple of other neighborhood athletes, calling themselves "The Sons." At 6-foot-4, Ellis originally gained notice as a basketball player; he once had 21 assists in a Gardena High game. He refused to play for the baseball team--one of the white players had called him "spearchucker"--until, during his senior year, he was caught drinking wine in the bathroom. Play baseball, he was told, or we'll suspend you.

He played in four games and was named all-league.

Ellis' true initiation to baseball took place under the tutelage of legendary pitcher Chet Brewer, a 20-year veteran of the old Negro and Mexican leagues, a man who had played alongside Satchel Paige on the Kansas City Monarchs. Brewer was a scout for the Pirates and the manager of L.A.'s Pittsburgh Pirate Rookies squad. (In the days before the draft, such scouts were heavily relied upon to recruit players for rookie teams; at one point, the talent on Brewer's team was so impressive that Ellis wasn't even their No. 1 pitcher--and future Hall of Famer Eddie Murray was the bat boy.) Almost immediately, several teams tried to sign Ellis to a proper minor league contract, but he and his friends had heard of rookie players signing with the Pirates for $60,000, so he held out. Then, a year out of high school, Ellis got arrested for stealing a car. (Long story.) After he got off with probation and a fine, Chet Brewer suggested that, at this point, he might consider signing anything with a dotted line. And so, in 1964, Ellis signed a one-year minor-league contract with the Pirates for $500 a month, plus a $2,500 signing bonus. The Nut was going to The Show.

Here's what Ellis remembers about the trip from Los Angeles to San Diego: not a goddamn thing. Apparently he got to the airport, boarded one of the San Diego shuttles that left every half-hour, flew for 22 minutes and landed. The first thing he recalls is sitting in a taxi, telling the driver to "get to the fucking stadium. I got to play." Next thing, he's sitting in the locker room. 5 p.m. By that point, Ellis had enough experience with LSD to know that it wouldn't be wearing off anytime soon; as a, uh, "precautionary measure," he took somewhere between four and eight amphetamines and drank some water. He walked to the railing at Jack Murphy Stadium where, each time he played in San Diego, a female acquaintance would bring him a handful of Benzedrine. White Crosses. He took a handful of those and went to the bullpen to warm up.

After that, it's impressions, mostly. The bullpen. Throwing. No idea how that felt, but he can remember being there. Next: the dugout. Sitting. Looking up and seeing drizzle. Not really how it looked or felt or any of that; just hoping to shit the game would be canceled. Just before 6:05 p.m., the umpire emerged, wiped off home plate and did a quick and basically ceremonial examination of the drizzle situation and signaled to the Pirates' bench. The national anthem began. "Damn. Looks like I'm gonna have to pitch." At this point, the thing in his hand felt, more or less, like a very heavy volleyball.

Much like rock music or God, baseball is forever being declared dead. This scandal or that problem has tarnished the game forever; this strike or that contract has permanently alienated the fans; this player or that legend declares the sport has seen its best days. Ellis hates that shit. "When I played the game." "When I played the game." The ball is the same, isn't it? How about the bat? Still four bases? OK then.

Looking at tape of Ellis in his prime, what's most immediately striking is how much bigger--as in taller, naturally wider, fatter--the players appear to be; by contrast, a baseball game in today's steroid era looks like a carnival of bloated red midgets. The second-most striking thing is the economy of Ellis' motion. There's no elaborate wind-up, no huge leg kick or head move. He hides the ball until the last possible moment, then nonchalantly throws a brutal breaking ball. After a few pitches, it's easy to see how, even without the best pure stuff in the league, he became one of its premier pitchers.

In 1968, after being called up from the minors in June, Ellis went 6-5 with a 2.51 ERA; as quickly as the 1971 season, he was 19-9 with a 3.06 ERA and starting for the National League in the All-Star game. He had the arm speed and leg strength, but he also relied heavily on strategy--which consisted almost entirely of intimidation.

"It's such an important aspect of the game," he says. "Like hitting batsmen. All hitters know they're gonna get hit. They just don't know when. The kicker for the truly good hitters is, you cannot hit me as many times as I'm gonna hit you. They take that hit to get six hits. But you gotta pop their ass so you can get an 0 for 4 on them one day. Don't get cocky now, motherfucker. The challenge is on. So let's get it on. Other guys might explain it differently, have different reasons, but that was mine.

"Right about the time I left, it changed. You can't throw at anyone without getting thrown out of the game. The announcers today say it ruins the game. They never talk about the fights that Cincinnati and St. Louis got into 30 years ago. Barry Bonds? I'd hit him at least once a game. 'Cause he's got all that shit on. Yeah, let's see that shit stop the ball from hurting him if I hit him on the motherfucking elbow or something. I'd hit him just to see, does it work?"

It was also that 1971 All-Star game that first gained Ellis his reputation as a militant--an image later etched in stone by the 1976 biography Dock Ellis in the Country of Baseball, which declared him "baseball's Muhammad Ali."

Before the game, Ellis let it be known that NL manager Sparky Anderson would never start him, because the announced AL starter, Vida Blue, was also black. This launched the inevitable national sportswriters' debate about how racism didn't exist in 1971, and how dare he and why would he and so on and whatnot. The flap had its intended effect: Anderson, grumblingly, started Ellis, and the pitcher soon became one of the most reviled players in the league, branded a troublemaker and miscreant. Ellis was untroubled by the affair; as with most things in which he believed, he openly declared he "didn't give a fuck what anybody thought." With possibly one exception: A few days after the All-Star game, Ellis received a letter in the mail.

"I read your comments in our paper the last few days," it read, "and wanted you to know how much I appreciate your honesty. The news media, while knowing full well you are right and honest, will use every means to get back at you. Honors that should be yours will bypass you and the pressures will be great--try not to be left alone. There will be times when you ask yourself if it's worth it all. I can only say, Dock, it is.

Sincerely,
Jackie Robinson"

What's weird is that sometimes it felt like a balloon. Sometimes it felt like a golf ball. But he could always get it to the plate. Getting it over the plate was another matter entirely. Sometimes he couldn't see the hitter. Sometimes he couldn't see the catcher. But if he could see the hitter, he'd guess where the catcher was. And he had a great catcher back there. Jerry May. You could make mistakes with him, and he would compensate. He'd know if he called for a curveball, he could look at the follow-through of your arm and see if you were gonna hang it. So he'd get ready to slide and block. Also, he had this reflective tape on his fingers that was by far the easiest thing to see.

Ellis had no idea what the score was, and he knew he'd been wild--he ended with eight walks, one hit batsman and the bases loaded at least twice--but here it was, bottom of the seventh, and he was still in the game.

The hardest part was between innings. He was sure his teammates knew something was up. They had all been acting strange since the game began. Solution: Do not look at teammates. Do not look at scoreboard. Must not make eye contact. His spikes--that's what he concentrated on. Pick up tongue depressor, scrape the mud, repeat. Must. Clean. Spikes.

Sometime in the fifth or sixth, he sensed someone next to him. Looking. He turned. It was rookie infielder Dave Cash.

"Dock," Cash said. "You've got a no-hitter going."

Cash, apparently unaware of the (insanely well-known) superstition that a pitcher never talks about a no-hitter until it's complete for fear of jinxing it, was immediately piled upon by several outraged teammates. Ellis, meanwhile, looked at the scoreboard.

Huh.

Yeah.

After the eighth, during which he'd watched outfielder Matty Alou snag an almost certain base hit, Ellis walked off the field and looked Cash straight in the eye.

"Still got my no-no!" Ellis declared.

Ellis' last good year as a pitcher came in 1977, his first of two with the Rangers. In the interim, his reputation as a wildman had grown exponentially. There were the hair curlers (which inspired a spread in Ebony about his hairstyles), the biography, the beaning of the Cincinnati Reds. There was a July 1976 incident, after being traded to the Yankees before that season, in which Ellis decided to retaliate against Reggie Jackson for showboating after a brutal home run in the 1971 All-Star game--and hit him in the face with a fastball. Jackson was carried off the field on a stretcher; four years later, he'd tell reporters that his face was still numb. Ellis had been maced by security guards, threatened by his own managers and declared the most unpopular Pittsburgh Pirate ever.

Rangers owner Brad Corbett didn't care about any of it.

"I absolutely loved him," says Corbett, who acquired Ellis from the A's in June 1977. "The biggest misperception about Dock is that he's this untamed, self-destructive wildman. And part of that is true; he was crazy, but in a good way. He was fun. He had a way of keeping people loose. He was a practical joker. He had character. Everybody loves to talk about that LSD no-hitter, but come on. Stuff like that was happening all the time. Everybody was doing something. One relief pitcher we traded for, I went to meet him in New York at Studio 54. And I walk in and look over and say to myself, 'Hmm. Is that sugar?'

"And of course, number one, he was a damn good pitcher and a terrific competitor. In fact, at one point, we traded him to Cleveland, and I felt so bad about losing him that I called the trade off. And by that point, he was at the end of his career, and his arm was fading. It clearly wasn't the right business decision, but I just couldn't let Dock go."

The Rangers' 1977 starting rotation of Ellis (who went 10-6 with a 2.90 ERA after he joined the team), Ferguson Jenkins, Doyle Alexander and Bert Blyleven remains the strongest starting four the club has ever had; that team's 94 wins, which placed it second behind Kansas City's 102, were the strongest whiff of the playoffs the Rangers would get until the AL West was pared down to four teams, making it easier for the Rangers to climb to the top of a very short pile.

But Corbett was right: Ellis' arm was fading, his body haunted by a problem that, like racism, he had first experienced upon arriving in the majors. One day early in his career, Ellis was lying on the dugout bench, "half-assed asleep and hungover," and found out he was supposed to pitch. An older player leaned over and handed Ellis a plastic cup.

"I said, 'What the hell is that?'" Ellis recalls. "He said, 'Juice.' I drank it, and next thing I know, I was out there on the mound like [Juan] Marechal. And I liked it."

Ellis had just had his first experience with amphetamines; by the time he arrived on the Pirates proper, Ellis was popping green Dexamyl pills before every game. Eventually, he'd need between 70 and 85 milligrams to get up for a start; that would be somewhere between five and 12 pills, depending on what type he took. And over the next 12 years, he wouldn't pitch a single major league game without them. Not one.

"Doctors aren't gonna come out and say it, but it enhances your game," Ellis says. "The thing is, you get addicted to it. You take half a pill and do great. Then you take half three weeks later and don't do good, so you say maybe I better take the other half. 'Cause I'm not feeling the same way. It got to the point where I had to take it just to be on the bench, when I'm not pitching. Just to stay awake.

"Why? Fear. Fear of success and fear of failure."

By his final year, 1979, there wasn't much cause for Ellis to fear success. He bounced from the Rangers to the Mets, compiled a 4-12 record with a 5.98 ERA and made one last request to Pittsburgh General Manager "Pete" Peterson: Trade me or let me die a Pirate. He was granted his request and made three relief appearances with the Bucs. When Corbett sold the Rangers before the 1980 season, Ellis made it official and retired. By that point, he didn't care about baseball at all. All he cared about was getting high. Speed, cocaine, even scotch. Which he hated.

"Then my son was born," Ellis says. "I was wearing a lot of jewelry at the time, and when I'd hold him, I'd grab his arms and whatnot. Then I read these stories about parents who shake their kids and kill them. I asked myself, I wonder how hard I'm grabbing him. Then I realized the truly fucked-up thing: that I had to ask myself at all. That's when I knew, something's wrong with me. I went to treatment the next day.

"I was in there sniffing pingpong balls, trying to get high. A doctor came to me and asked me to list all the substances I'd done in my life. He looked at the paper and said, 'I have to classify you as suicidal.' I said fuck you. Suicidal. He handed me back the paper and said, 'Anyone who's doing that is trying to kill themselves.' I looked at him and thought about that. After a minute, I told him nobody will ever have to worry about me getting high ever again."

This is the point of the story at which things are supposed to get ugly. There should be backsliding, stories of long sweaty nights with "friends" whose last names you don't know, possibly a homeless period or two.

None of it happened to Ellis. After he quit baseball and cleaned up, he's had basically no contact with the game--he played a couple of seasons in a senior league and was briefly hired by George Steinbrenner ("the only person in baseball who wasn't afraid I'd be the old Dock Ellis") as a minor league drug counselor--but mostly he's been eating Snickers and drinking Dr Pepper, working as a drug counselor. He seems to genuinely miss the game, especially the fans, but he doesn't seem devastated by it.

"You know, I'm just clean and sober and going on about my business," he says. "But there's gotta be a place for me in baseball. I should be with baseball. But that's partly my fault. I alienated myself. I left baseball with the wrong impression about the people who ran the game. 'Cause I had that paranoia that everybody was out to get me."

"It's almost like Dock wanted people to think he wasn't as smart as he is," Dave Parker says. "But the people he's close to, we know."

One day last month, Ellis walked into the Victor Valley penitentiary, where, for the past two years, he's worked as a drug counselor. He said he had a surprise for his class. HBO Sports was doing a piece on him, and they'd dug up an old black-and-white videotape of that June 1970 game against the Pirates. To that point, Ellis swore that no tape of the game existed, and he'd never seen himself pitch high on LSD. And this would be the first time he was watching it. As the game enters the ninth, it gets to two outs, three balls and two strikes, and then the tape cuts straight to a postgame interview.

"I remember getting that last out," Ellis says. "And turning around and saying, 'A fucking no-hitter!' It didn't really hit me until the next morning, when I was less high, and I got a live phone call from CBS or ABC or something wanting to interview me. They kept telling me to turn the TV down. Too much feedback."

The class looked at Ellis' postgame interview and dissected his mannerisms, laughing at how obvious it seemed that he was high. In a way, Ellis ending up on the straight and narrow in this small town, spending his days with criminals who are in the same boat he once was, not caring so much about baseball or his legacy--he couldn't have found a better confirmation of the faith that the Brad Corbetts and George Steinbrenners, the Al Rambos and the Dave Parkers placed in him when he was at his craziest: the belief that somewhere beneath the hair curlers and the fancy clothes and the fights and the clenched jaws was a man of true character.

The sport of baseball has, since his retirement, more or less shunned him because of who he was. The irony, of course, is that Ellis' one-time problems, which prevented him from being a truly great player, have since revealed him to be something more like a great person.

And baseball, like the rest of us, could use a few more of those.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Too Tired to Blog

ZZZ... ZZZ... huh!?! Wha!?! Oh, it's you... so sleepy, read this excellent article about Dwight Gooden and Darryl Strawberry by Marty Noble. S'good.

It wasn't a new phenomenon that developed during Spring Training of 1984. The New York baseball audience had witnessed -- and been amused by -- a similar scenario that had played out three years earlier when Tim Leary was the talk of the Mets camp and the most impressive young pitcher in Florida. The Yankees suddenly discovered Gene Nelson to counterbalance Leary. The Mets would-be phenom turned 21 in March, 1981. Well, Nelson was merely 20 when, under orders from The Boss, the Yankees anointed him. That would show 'em.

And their manipulating did succeed, to a degree, even though Nelson made only a modest splash in 1981. Leary's shoulder betrayed him, and he left only shallow footprints before the Mets traded him four years later.

Delighted with that calculated response to the threat of the Mets, the Yankees implemented identical strategy in the spring of 1984, pulling Jose Rijo out of their navy blue caps after another Mets phenom had earned some heavy type on the back pages of the big city. Rijo was a talent, more legit than Nelson, as he proved in subsequent seasons with the Reds and A's. But he was no match for what the Mets would spring on the city and unsuspecting National League hitters in April. The Yankees had no counterbalance for Dwight Gooden.

They quickly learned they couldn't combat all he was -- young, innocent and immensely talented -- any more than the hitters could combat all he was on the mound -- dazzling and dominant ... deadly -- a 3-D pitcher if there ever was one.

George Steinbrenner always had an unnatural fear of the Mets. But even when Darryl Strawberry and Keith Hernandez came to Queens in 1983, the Yankees owner had no rational reason for his phobia. Gooden changed that, beginning in '84. His emergence energized the Mets and prompted the market to focus on Shea Stadium. The Mets mattered again. The Boss squirmed. And by the middle of the following season, Yankee Stadium stood in the shadow of Shea, a rare occurrence.

Steinbrenner knew he couldn't compete, couldn't buy what the Mets had developed. And developing it would require time and provide no guarantee, even if he had the raw materials at his disposal. Moreover, Strawberrys don't grow on trees.

The Yankees hardly disappeared, but the city embraced The New Kids on the Block. While Hernandez may have been the force that galvanized the Mets in the mid-80s, Gooden and Strawberry were the muscle in the takeover. Their power, their youth and that they were bred and not imported by the Mets, underscored the appeal that their many skills fostered.
No aspects of baseball have greater appeal than strikeouts by the dozen and long home runs. And Gooden and Strawberry respectively provided both.

Doctor K did for his letter what Bo Derek had done for No. 10. And Strawberry, while he didn't fulfill the 50-50 prophecy of then-general manager Joe McIlvaine, hit more home runs than any other Met. Their power pitching and power hitting, and the team's overall success, made the Mets the more dynamic team in town, even though the Yankees had Don Mattingly, Rickey Henderson and Dave Winfield in their daily lineup.

Steinbrenner's fears, seemingly misguided in March 1984, were realized by the summer of '85, when Gooden was in the midst of a season for the ages and Strawberry was courting a 30-30 season. The market became mostly the Mets domain, as it had been in 1969 and into the early Seventies, and as it might be before the bats and balls are put away this year. Shea became the place to be and be seen.

Those Mets teams had so many compelling attributes, so many textures -- the grit of the Partners in Grime, Lenny Dykstra and Wally Backman; the wholesomeness of Gary Carter and Mookie Wilson; Hernandez's sex appeal, on-field intensity and sage presence; Ron Darling's Ivy League image; Kevin Mitchell's cultivated thug image, and the intelligence of manager Davey Johnson.

All of that, though, was subordinate to what Doc and Darryl provided. New York is obsessed with the superlative -- good or bad -- tallest, swiftest, loudest, meanest, biggest, baddest, craziest. The city enjoyed the '62 Mets because they were the worst. Gooden and Strawberry played to that fetish.

The Doctor was the fastest and the youngest in 1984, when he was the National League Rookie of the Year. The following year, he was merely the best, winner of the pitcher's triple crown (24 victories, 268 strikeouts and a 1.53 ERA) and -- unanimously -- the National League Cy Young Award.

"The whole league wants to kick his butt," Cubs catcher Jody Davis said. "And we can't touch him."

For a brief period -- mid-summer '84 through the first week of the '86 season, a Gooden start at Shea on a Friday night was an event like no other. Beatles-esque, the differences being the average age, prevailing gender and octave range of the screaming patrons. The K Corner began on a Friday night at Shea. It is one of the Mets' lasting influences in the game.

Gooden's time at the top was that brief period. He was a shooting star. Its brevity troubled him, left him unfulfilled. As early as Spring Training 1988, when his 73-26 big league record still glittered, he confessed, "I miss being great."

Some surmised he eventually turned to cocaine to fill the void. But MLB surveillance determined he was using before May 1986.

Strawberry, Rookie of the Year in '83, didn't peak until 1987, his 30-30 year, and 1988. But even as a rookie, his home runs reached areas of and outside Shea that no other Mets home runs had. The scoreboard in right-center field flinched each time he swung. And though he wasn't widely regarded as a clutch performer, he hit two home runs against the Astros in the 1986 NLCS that saved the Mets. Though they constitute his finest hours with the Mets, and they happened in media the capital of the world, they have gone virtually unnoticed by game's historians. The Mets never would have won Games 3 and 5 if they hadn't first avoided losing them.

Strawberry's three-run home run in the sixth inning of Game 3, eclipsed by Dykstra's final-pitch home run, tied the score and awakened Shea. And it came against a left-handed pitcher.
More remarkable was the searing line drive he pulled barely fair and barely over the fence in the fifth inning of Game 5. Nolan Ryan had retired the first 13 Mets batters when Strawberry struck, crushing a fastball almost off his shoetops to tie the score. The Mets won in 10 innings.

"I've thrown that pitch, what, 2,000 times? I don't know," Ryan said that day. "No one's ever hit it that hard, that far in that direction. ... Today, his talent out-talented mine."

Dykstra put it more succintly. He called his running buddy "Strawesome."

And has Shea ever rocked as it did after Strawberry's home run provided the final run in Game 7 of the '86 World Series? That majestic home run traveled to Cooperstown and back before it landed. In those heady days, the Mets faithful were certain they'd travel to upstate New York some summer weekend before 2010 to witness the inductions of Doc and Darryl. But, of course, neither has been -- or will be -- enshrined.

Instead each has been imprisoned.

Their careers crashed as spectacularly as they had developed. Sports Illustrated identified them as "The Dead End Kids."

Gooden missed the parade that followed the '86 World Series, feeding speculation that had begun in May that he was troubled. And before he would pitch again, he would spend time in rehab for cocaine use.

Alcohol was Strawberry's drug at first. Teammates wondered if it was his back -- as he said it was -- or the bottle that prevented him from playing down the stretch in 1990, when the Mets' seven-season sequence of success was coming to an inglorious end. Strawberry was gone to the Dodgers before he played another game.

Shea always seemed to pardon Gooden. It didn't even hold him responsible for the 1988 playoff collapse against the Dodgers. He didn't lose the game in Game 4, he just lost the series when he surrendered a tying home run to Mike Scioscia in the ninth inning.

After he was suspended for cocaine use in 1994, Shea never saw Gooden again until 2000, when he beat the Mets while in the uniform of the Yankees.

The ballpark always treated Strawberry more harshly than it did Gooden. He never gave the ballpark a grand season comparable to what Gooden presented in 1985. No matter what Strawberry did, it left the ballpark dissatisfied, frustrated.

The most skilled position players don't dominate the generic game as the best pitchers do. Unfair as it was, Strawberry was asked to.

"They expected something from me every day," he said in May. "The game doesn't let you do that."

So he was seen as a flawed player, one who might miss the cutoff and strike out twice before hitting a three-run home run. His monogram is DES, for Darryl Eugene Strawberry. Shea sometimes wondered if the letters stood for double-edged sword. It cut him no slack until after he retired.

Now, back in the employ of the club that drafted him in 1980, he is warmly received, even beloved. Shea is satisfied he gave what he could. It has forgiven him for not achieving a 50-50 season and embraces him now as it did when he was a rookie, full of promise and already dealing with unrealistic expectations.

Strawberry has had his demons and his health issues. And he made significant contributions to the Yankees' World Series championship teams of 1996 and 1998. Shea has forgiven those crosstown indiscretions as well.

The ballpark probably would forgive Gooden too -- for his no-hitter, thrown in the Bronx, and other missteps that have tarnished his image and jeopardized his well-being. Shea is in a forgiving mood these days, witness the MVP chants for Carlos Delgado.

Gooden has been invited to celebrate Shea's final days, a final house call for the Doctor, you might say. The club isn't counting on his attendance or announcing when he might show up on the final weekend.

If Gooden shows, it should be on the Friday night.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Home Run Derby!! Mantle v. Mays!!

Hands down the best episode of the best baseball-themed game show with actual major leaguers, 1959's "Home Run Derby" starring Willie Mays vs. Mickey Mantle. They won actual checks based on who hit the most ($2000) and consecutive jacks hit. As host Mark Scott will gladly explain, the only rule that matters is that "It's a home run or nothing here on Home Run Derby." Far superior to today's multi-player All-Star affair. The entire series is now available on DVD.

Part 1


Part 2

Bummer, I can't find part 3! Let's buy the DVD, huh Karly!?!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

All-Time MLB Franchise Players - NL East

As promised, here is the big list, the top franchise player for each current team throughout their history. Said player must have nearly career-long personal success and have participated in their team's success. Staying on one team throughout their career will be a plus. I will also throw in some honorable mentions and current, newer players who may well achieve that ultimate franchise status. I'll go in order of the standings as of today. In the interest of brevity (ha ha), I'll break it down to a division per post over the next couple days.
National League East

New York Mets - It's hard to give the all-time franchise seal to any of the "bad guys who won" from the '86-'88 teams because their stars, Darryl Strawberry, Doc Gooden, Kevin Mitchell's, careers all kinda went awry due to drugs and ego. And Mike Piazza couldn't carry the team to World Series victory in 2001. The best Met ever has to be Tom Seaver. Actually nicknamed "the Franchise," Seaver is the Mets all time winner with 311 wins, 3,640 strikeouts and a 2.86 ERA. In 1969, Seaver had 25 wins and the first of his three Cy Young Awards en route to leading the Mets to their first ever World Series win.


Philadelphia Phillies - The best team there could ever be, my Phillies have had a cadre of excellent, representative stars. From the greats like Richie Ashburn and Robin Roberts to today's stars Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Cole Hamels, et al. I believe that barring any ludicrous trades that Jimmy Rollins is in fact the all-time Phillies franchise player. If you only watched baseball in 1993 then my man Lenny "Nails" Dykstra of John "the Krukker" Kruk could easily fit the bill. But for now, it is clearly the Scmidter, twelve time All-Star, Michael Jack Schmidt. I grew up watching Schmidt club his way towards 548 home runs, and in 1980 he won the MVP (one of three he would win) and led our team, along with Pete Rose, Steve Carlton, Greg Luzinski, and Tug McGraw, to World Series victory. Schmidt was a pro, earning ten Gold Glove Awards and rarely showing emotion or compassion for Philly fans who simultaneously loved and hated him for it, but always realized we were watching possibly the best third baseman in baseball history do his job for us.


Florida Marlins - Another expansion team, like the Rays, it is difficult to pinpoint the Marlin's franchise player. Many great players had sub-par seasons with them, and their two World Series Championships were largely a patchwork quilt of rent-a-players not suitable for the franchise tag. Their 1997 World Series team consisted of great players who you can't even imagine in a Florida uniform, like Bobby Bonilla, Moises Alou, Gary Sheffield, and Darren Daulten. The 2003 squad had future Red Sox stars Josh Beckett and Mike Lowell, Chicage Cub Derek Lee, L.A. Dodger Brad Penny, etc... These were really good teams but without commitment to maintaining the nucleus of players either time, the band broke up. Until last off-season, I would have bet it all that either third baseman Miguel Cabrera or side-arm fire-baller Dontrelle Willi$ would have soon fit into that all-time franchise label, but they are Tigers now, to varying degrees. Currently, the Marlins have some very good young talent that could rise to franchise status like All-Star second baseman Dan Uggla, and the great Hanley Ramirez at short stop, but if Florida repeats its history, this young talent will be traded for much older big names and a quick fix. If there is a Florida Marlin all-time franchise player, it would have to be Jeff Conine. He was an original Marlin, and on the 1997 and 2003 World Series teams. He is a two time All-Star with respectable mid-level numbers, but he is known by some as "Mr. Marlin" due to his quiet, intangible quality that helped Florida become World Champs two times over.


Atlanta Braves - Despite all the talent Atlanta has boasted over the years, offensively Eddie Matthews, David Justice, Terry Pendleton, Ron Gant, Chipper Jones, and pitching Tom Glavine, John Smoltz, Greg Maddux, Steve Avery, Warren Spahn, this is an easy one. Despite having played half his career in Milwaukee until the Braves moved to Atlanta in 1966, Hammerin' Hank Aaron achieved his greatest fame and ultimate goal in Atlanta. He wrested the crown from Babe Ruth's head to become the new Home Run King in 1974 with a career total of 755, a title he achieved without performance enhancing drugs. Aaron was a twenty-one time All-Star and holds the record for career RBI's, extra base hits, total bases, and he is in the top five all time for each hits, runs, games played, and at bats. He won a World Series and league MVP with the eventual Atlanta team in Milwaukee in 1957. Each year the Hank Aaron Award is given to the most effective hitter in each league.


Washington Nationals/Montreal Expos - Well, not much has ever gone right for this franchise, no matter what country they play in. Since they moved to Washington, the best National has been Alfonsonso Soriano, who mainly used RFK Park as a place to learn to play left-field before going on to a good team in Chicago. Ryan Zimmerman is a vacuum at third base, but young and not consistently offensively impressive. You have you go back to Montreal and take a look. Greats like Pedro Martinez and Vlad Guererro got their start in Montreal, but the best team was in the late '70's with "Rock" Raines, Gary Carter, and the Montreal all time franchise player, Andre "the Hawk" Dawson. Dawson played the fourth most games as an Expo that anybody ever will, was the Rookie of the Year with them in 1977, and is the only expo ever to hit 200 home runs and steal 200 bases. A five point player, and eight time Gold Glove Award winner, the Hawk could do it all and finished second beind Mike Schmidt in the 1981 MVP voting. Dawson stands with only Willie Mays and Barry Bonds in the 400 home runs/300 stolen bases club.

All-Time MLB Franchise Players - AL East

As promised, here is the big list, the top franchise player for each current team throughout their history. Said player must have nearly career-long personal success and have participated in their team's success. Staying on one team throughout their career will be a plus. I will also throw in some honorable mentions and current, newer players who may well achieve that ultimate franchise status. I'll go in order of the standings as of today. In the interest of brevity (ha ha), I'll break it down to a division per post over the next couple days.

American League East

Tampa Bay Rays - The Rays have employed some of the best players of the 1980's. Unfortunately they weren't a team until 1998! Elder statesmen Vinny Castilla, Fred McGriff, and Jose Canseco all played for the then Devil Rays in their unsuccessful formative years. It is very hard to name a true franchise player for Tampa Bay, as they are only this year playing the best baseball of their existence, in first place for most of the season, and the current roster likely holds that franchise player, most likely All-Star rookie third baseman Evan Longoria, pitcher Scott Kazmir, or fan-favorite Carl Crawford. But for now, the Ray's all-time franchise player has to be Wade Boggs. The noted Red Sock and Yankee finished his career in Tampa, got his 3,000th hit there (a home run at that), and chose to retire as a Ray, his number the only one retired for Tampa Bay, save for Jackie Robinson's league-wide retirement of number 42.




Boston Red Sox - My least favorite baseball team has alot of tradition and a slew of classic stars, from Wade Boggs to Carl Yazstremski, to current franchise names like David Ortiz and Diasuke Matsuzaka, and housed great players who would be even more effective and well known with other teams like Jimmie Foxx, Carlton Fisk, and Pedro Martinez. They also can claim one of the best of all time, Ted Williams. Known for his textbook swing, the "Splendid Splinter" was a two time AL MVP, six time batting champ, and amazingly won the Triple Crown (leading the league in batting average, home runs, and RBI's) twice! He was a 17 time All-Star, and finished his career with a .344 average, 521 homers, and 1,839 runs batted in. Most importantly he was the last player to hit over .400 for a season, hitting .406 in 1941. On the last day of the season in 1941, the Red Sox faced a double header and Williams had a virtual .400 average. If he sat it would stay even at .400, but Williams opted to play both games, going six for eight and raising his average the final .006 points. Williams once stated his goal was to have a father walk down the street with his son , point to Williams and remark, "Son, there goes the greatest hitter who ever lived." Williams at one point reached base at least once in 84 consecutive games and reached base safely in sixteen straight at bats, both solid records. In 1970 Ted Williams authored "The Science of Hitting." While he never won a World Series with the Sox, it wasn't his fault, it was the "Curse of the Bambino". Luckily, they just don't make 'em like the greatest Red Sock anymore, and if they did, they'd have to pay him 50 million a year.









Toronto Blue Jays - Yet another AL East team I hate, the Jay's all-time franchise player cemented his position with my tears, literally. The Jays hadn't had much success in their 31-year life-span, with the glaring exception of 1992 and 1993, winning back to back World Series. Boasting working-class stars like John Olerud, Roberto Alomar, and Paul Molitor, the biggest and best (or worst) Jay has to be Joe Carter. Boasting the only walk-off home run in World Series' history, Carter's blast off Mitch "Wild Thing" Williams and my Phillies in October 1993 made him Toronto's favorite black dude and sent me into a baseball spin I am still dealing with to this day.

New York Yankees - Of course the Yankees have most of the best players of all time. Mickey Mantle, Yogi Berra, Joe DiMaggio, Roger Maris, Phil Rizzuto, Don Mattingly, and my man Reggie Jackson, as well as current-future Hall of Famers like Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter. But, for the all-time franchise player it comes down to two men: Babe Ruth or Lou Gehrig. Babe Ruth was probably the greatest baseball player ever, completely dominant, fifty years of being the home run king with 714 dingers, and a .342 average to boot. Also, his fame reached beyond baseball for the first time in history, the first sports celebrity. Ruth changed the game and in many ways saved it, like the ill-fueled home run race of 1998, he garnered attention from the world for his game. But Lou Gehrig was even better. Known for his comparable love of and excellence in the game, the "Iron Horse" played 2,130 consecutive games from 1925 to 1939 and only stopped due to his amyothrophic lateral sclerosis, delivering his famous farewell speech at Yankee Stadium. He still holds the career record for most grand slams and retired with a career .340 average and 1,995 runs batted in, won two MVP awards and six, count 'em six, World Series rings. He was so awesome at baseball that, while playing for the New York School of Commerce high school squad at Wrigley Park in 1920, in front of 10,000 spectators, at seventeen years old, Gehrig hit a walk-off grand slam that left the ballpark. On April 28, 1923 while playing for Columbia University, Gehrig hit a 450 foot home run that left South Field and landed on 116th and Broadway. Gehrig was the first player of the twentieth century to hit four home runs in one game, and he was robbed of his fifth by a leaping catch. In 1936, Time magazine called Gehrig "the game's No. 1 batsman", who "takes boyish pride in banging a baseball as far, and running around the bases as quickly, as possible". Upon Gehrig's his retirement, Yankee Manager Joe McCarthy described Gehrig as "the finest example of a ballplayer, sportsman, and citizen that baseball has ever known". In January 1949's Sport magazine, Ogden Nash wrote, "G is for Gehrig, The Pride of the Stadium; His record pure gold, His courage, pure radium." His number "4" jersey was the first to be retired in major league baseball.








Baltimore Orioles - While the O's experienced the most success as a team during the 1960's with stars like Brooks Robinson, Boog Powell, Frank Robinson, and Jim Palmer, the greatest Oriole played during the 1980's and '90's. Of course it was Cal Ripken Jr., the man who broke Gehrig's "unbreakable" record of consecutive games played, resetting the record at 2.632 games. Staring his career with back to back Rookie of the Year and MVP wins, Ripken set a precedent of excellence, based in fundamental baseball, on and off the field. One of the best men to play the game, and 19 time All-Star, Ripken's overtaking Gehrig's record is referred to as the "most memorable moment in baseball history." Ripken is known both for his extensive charity work and his involvement in youth baseball.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Phirst Place Phils!!

Man-O-Manishevitz! I have seen some serious baseball played in my life. The Phillies won the first World Series I was alive for in 1980, and I was 13 in 1993 when my favorite team ever came one game from World Champs. I cried actual tears when the beat the then West Division Braves and that disgusting David Justice and rookie ugly Larry Jones in the NLCS. Despite being a DIE-HARD Phils fan, the one with the heart, cheering on the booed when the other so-called fans front-run all around me, nothing has compared to that World Series bound feeling.

Last year's choke versus the Red Hot Rockies was a blur, over before we knew it. Nothing comes easy though. We had to fight to get in last year, and we'll have to fight this year. We all know the swoon our offense had been suffering for the better part of the summer. I've heard trade demands from the jerk on the street for everyone from Brett Myers (I myself called for that one a couple weeks ago) to Ryan Howard and, beyond belief, Jimmy Rollins. The J-Roll thing, of course based half on his lackluster post-MVP performance this year at the plate, and half on the hyper sensitive pussy fans who couldn't take the truth of being called "front-runners." Of course they are! Real Phils fans come from Delaware and Jersey. Your average Philadelphia resident is not your average Philly resident thirty years ago. They care more about perpetrating the image of the "Philly Fan" than supporting their team.

I cheered above the boos for Pat Burrel for years while he was hitting thirty homers and 100 RBI's, and the recent boos for the most sabermetrically sound shortstop in major league baseball. The sad fact is that many Phils fans have no baseball knowledge or heart. Every idiot who goes to a game thinks they are the be all and end all of baseball opinion and the funniest hump in section 235. But last nights Phils/Mets showdown was the culmination of all the good the Phils and their fans can be. It really doesn't matter if your a front runner when your team plays with heart like that.

Making the Red Sox/Yankees rivalry look like page six news, the Phillies versus the Mets is the real epic. As the Mets took a seven run lead against the normally stable Jamie Moyer, Philly-Killer Fernando Tatis actually danced his way across home plate on his three-run homer, and Goat Boy Reyes wagging finger is burnt into our minds. Pissed off, our Phils mounted a comeback that lasted from the fourth to the thirteenth inning, resulting finally in a "Wonderboy" Chris Coste walk off single and an 8-7 victory, putting the Phillies back in first for the first time since August 12th.

My favorite Philly, Jimmy Rollins, went 5-7 and 10-12 in the past two games, so screw you! The Big Man connected for his 35th dinger of the season, but the real heroes, as they've been recently, were the bottom of the line-up. "Sugar" Shane Victorino is actually having the MVP season this year, quietly responsible for the intangibles that win these games for the Phils. he and Jayson Werth are constantly manufacturing runs by turning singles into doubles and flying with reckless abandon towards home plate and victory. Eric Bruntlett chipped in, driving in the tying run in the ninth, at which point I jumped so high I hit the ceiling. Even Uncle Charlie's mad-man tactics of preserving bench players by giving "Hamster Pie" Carlos Ruiz an inning at third base worked out perfectly! If Pat the Bat didn't go 0-7, eclipsing the proverbial "Golden Sombrero" the game would have been a gimmee!

Other than that, right now, the Phils believe that they can win any game, and you know what? So do I. Of course we're playing baseball here and nothing is ever written in stone. The Mets are in town for one more night and surely want to get back first place, so it won't be easy, then we go into Wrigley Field, where the Cubs have the best home record in the majors. But here's the thing: even if we weren't on a huge hot streak, I'd still believe in my Phils.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Eaton Outta Here!

Just in, Adam Eaton, 31 years old, 4-8 with a 5.80 ERA in 21 games (19 starts and two appearences out of the pen) for the Phillies this season has "accepted an optional assignment" to an undisclosed Phillies minor league team. An official move to fill his spot on the twenty-five man roster will be made before Tuesday's game vs. the Washington Nationals.

Manny Being Manny vs. Man or Machine?


So, word on the street is that the hated Boston Red Sox are looking to part ways with All-Star left fielder Manny Ramirez, one of the cornerstones of the potent BoSox line up. Apparently, Manny and manager Terry Francona, noted for his impotence while managing in Philly, have some beef, yet again. No surprise there, but the RUMOR has it that Manny may only accept a trade to Philadelphia, reuniting him with ol' Cleavland Indians hitting coach and manager, Uncle Charlie Manuel.

The hated New York Mets are of course after him as well, much in need of a left fielder with Moises Alou out for the year, possibly forever. But the Mets have been burned in the Manny-hunt in the past and aren't likely to go whole-hog. So, IF the trade talk isn't all balderdash, and IF something blockbuster could really be worked out, and IF Philly agreed to the 20 million in 2009 option AND the contract extension it's believed Manny will want, and IF this isn't just the perennial Manny dick-tease... then do we really want him?

Well, who would we have to give up and what would the line-up look like afterwards? Since the trade is based on Ramirez' personality and not any particular Boston team needs, would they be after prospects or some of our most beloved Phils? Well, with All-Star Kevin Youkilis at first base for the Sox, the Big Man, Ryan Howard should be safe in Philly. They got that puss Dustin Pedroia at second, so Chase Utley remains untradeable. J-Roll stays at short forever, and Boston's Mike Lowell outclasses the Phils three-way third base jam-up. Would they be after our outfield? Well, a Manny/Pat Burrell trade would be shockingly even, but why would Philly do it? Burrell has matured to a very important part of the team, more consistent than ANYONE else in the line-up with a .985 on base plus slugging percentage, second among major league outfielders while Manny's down at ninth with .932. Pat's offensive stats are regularly a little better than Manny's this year, and he has earned his place in Philadelphia.

Trading Pat for Manny would be crazy. BUT, what if we moved Burrell to right field, opening up left for Ramirez? Ditching Geoff Jenkins would be great. He's the biggest hole our line-up offers, with that barber-pole swing, but he's not exactly a throw-away player, costing too much. Any team scouting the Phillies wants either Shane Victorino or Jayson Werth, the two speedy outfielders have proven themselves to be clutch and won so many games for the Phils with their bats, gloves, and intangibles. Normally, I would say HELL NO to either player getting traded, but with the potential of Ramirez' bat... we might be able to part with Werth... if they take Eaton too! We don't wanna lose any more minor league pitching though... Joe Blanton cost us, among other things, number 2 prospect Josh Outman. I and most other Phils fans would much rather see our boys (i.e. Carlos Carrasco) get a shot at the majors than waste them on question marks like Blanton who is already in his late twenties.

On Eaton... yesterday's shitty two innings solidified what we already knew. Adam Eaton should not be a major league pitcher, let alone a Philadelphia Philly. Along with odd-man-out Rudy Seanez, Eaton will be moved before the July 31 trade deadline. Either demoted to the minors, but out and out released if a trade can't be found. J.A. Happ was pulled from his triple-A start after just two and two thirds innings yesterday, fueling speculation that he is either a chip in the possible Ramirez deal or just that Eaton is gone and we need the bullpen help.

So trade Jenkins/Werth and some pitchers for Ramirez and you get...

Jimmy Rollins SS
Chase Utley 2B
Manny Ramirez LF
Ryan Howard 1B
Pat Burrell RF
Shane Victorino CF
Pedro Feliz/Greg Dobbs 3B
Chris Coste/Carlos Ruiz C

Tell me that line-up isn't sick.



Sunday, July 27, 2008

Thank Freakin' God!




Your Philadelphia Phillies won a wild one this afternoon/evening to take the series from the Atlanta Braves, the first series they won since the All-Star Break. Oakland A import Joe Blanton handed in his second unimpressive start since coming to Philadelphia, allowing two runs on two hits in two innings with an Atlanta single-walk-single-double combo before the skies opened up and rained on his head.

After a nearly two hour rain delay, yesterday's winning pitcher Adam Eaton came in and returned to form, allowing three runs on back-to-back homers to Kelley Johnson and Omar Infante. Eaton would survive without a loss though, as Chris "Taters and Toast" Coste and "Sugar" Shane Victorino wopped two and three run dingers, respectively, in the bottom of the fourth. Pat "the Bat" Burrell added a solo shot in the fifth, his 26th of the season.

The floodgates really opened up for the Phils in the sixth. It started with a double by Carlos "Hamster Pie" Ruiz, followed by Jimmy Rollins and Shane Victorino singles, giving "the Sweet One" four R.B.I.'s for the day, which, as you know, is the name of the game. The Big Man, Ryan Howard, slaps yet another single, scoring J-Roll easily, and the Flyin' Hawaiian, Shane Victorino, barrelled over big ol' Brian McCann at catcher, knocking the ball lose and giving Howard his league-leading 94th ribby of the year. Jayson Werth contributed one more solo shot and MVP Jimmy Rollins, who scored three total runs today and had a stolen base, also put one out to round out the score at 12-5 by the end of the seventh.

The Bravos gave the Phils a run for their money in the eighth, hitting up odd-man-out in the bullpen Rudy Seanez for four runs and Ryan Madson for one more. Brad "Lights Out" Lidge did his thing with a walk and a strike out in the ninth, allowing no runs and recording his 24th save of the year.

Unfortunately, the hated New York Mets beat the St. Louis Cardinals again today to hold their one game lead over the Phillies (56-49) in the National League East. The Florida Marlins lost to the Chicago Cubs to go two games back in the East, and Atlanta and the Washington Nationals remain non-factors.

The win was a good one. Taking series is how you stay at the top of the standings, and it is a minor miracle the Phils didn't fall further when they fell. Starting a winning streak, especially one featuring a multi hit game for the first four batters in the line-up and three for five with two runs scored and two R.B.I.'s out of the catching platoon, is a good way to stay very relevant. Philadelphia enjoys a day off tomorrow for the Phillies Phestival to raise awareness and money for ALS or Lou Gehrig's disease. (http://www.alsa.org/) On Tuesday they'll head down to our nation's capitol to take on the humorous Nationals.

Phils/Braves Weekend Series

7/25/08 Braves 8, Phils 2

Oh, were there some games?... sike! I know all about 'em. In fact for the Phils disgusting Friday night bend-over, I had the best CBP seats of my life, eighteen rows back on the first base side, courtesy of Kristi "Frazer" Vitola, Attorney at Law. Well, what can I say... there were some really shitty calls, MLB umps may be trying to emulate the NFL's popularity by blowing calls all over the league. In this game specifically, first base ump Bob Davidson and second base ump Alfonso Marquez were particularly offensive. I was close enough to see the Braves cheat a double play out of us without tagging second, and then in the ninth, Gregor Blanco was out by a stride at first on the sac bunt, but "No-Eyes" Davidson at first some-fucking-how called him safe, allowing the inning to progress and allowing Brad "Lights Out" Lidge to throw the worst inning of his Phillies career. It's hard for me to blame Lidge though... I mean, he gets paid to be a closer, not late relief. Would Goose Gosssage have been able to do it? Prolly, but the fact remains, you wouldn't have brought in a starter in that sitch, why a closer? Crazy Uncle Charlie, I dunno how safe his job is, and neither do you. Irregardless, win or loss, I had a great time and was honestly beside myself just to watch my faltering, human heroes that close up, even if they failed. Plus, the ninth inning Chase Utley single broke his 0-15 and the Big Man, Ryan Howard promptly shot his 30th dinger of the year over the left field fence.

7/26/08 Phils 10, Braves 9

No time for love, Doctor Jones, we got another game early Saturday, and what a game! While Todd and I scrubbed 6,000 square feet of wall at the new Avon Grove elementary (after some foolish carpenter (well, some foolish something) misused a de-molding agent, we hand scrubbed it off, our arms are jelly) the Phils had a wild one! "Hollywood" Hamels had a rough fourth inning, to say the least. Allowing nine runs, four short of a Philly record, including two walks, two errors, one on Hamels and one on Utley, a double, and a homer to Mark "Adam Sandler" Texiera. Thank goodness the Fightins' showed up today, giving us the comeback we expect and deserve, well at least I expect and deserve it. Down 9-3 in the fifth, your Philadelphia Phillies came alive. The top of the line-up knocked four straight singles, followed by a Pat "the Bat" Burrell sac fly and singles by Jayson Werth and Chris Coste. Now, with the score 9-7 for the Braves, pinch-hittah extraordinaire Greg "the Natural" Dobbs stepped in and smiz-ashed his third, crucial jack of the year on a 1-2 pitch from reliever Blaine Boyer (gotta love hitting off a cat named Blaine!). The pinch hit was Dobbs' twentieth of the season, tying Doc Miller's 1913 Philly record. Greg is hitting .435 of the bench this season, and is exemplary of this team at their best. Nine more pinch hits this year would give Dobbsy the MLB record.
Amazingly, the win went to Adam Eaton, in his first appearance for the Phils out of the bull-pen after proving himself incapable of being a major league starting pitcher. Eaton and five other Phils relievers combined for five plus inning of shutout ball, including a beautiful Lidge rebound from the previous day, pitching a perfect ninth and getting his 23rd save of the season, and his 23rd consecutive save, , utterly shattering the previous record set by Billy "Biggest Asshole in Baseball" Wagner when he did his forgettable stint in Philadelphia a couple years back. The win felt damn good for us Phils, with the hated New York Mets losing to St. Louis, moving us back to one game out of first and within reach of the top spot today. We got one more vs. the Bravos, starting now, turn it on!!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

COUGH IT UP!! (We did.) Phils lose 3-1 to Mets.




Who needs first place anyway? Me, that's who. First off, it is common knowledge to all Phils fans that the New York Mets suck. So how do a team that sucks so bad take another series from us? Do we suck too? I know that I don't suck!

Crafty prima-donna Oliver Perez continued to baffle the Phillies, our big hitters coming up with zilch. Chase Utley and Ryan Howard went a combined 0-7, stranding five, and striking out an embarrasing six times. Pat Burrell, Shane Victorino, and Chris Coste each slapped mute singles and Burrell added another outfield assist to his stats, all of which resulted in no runs for Philadelphia. The sole run came off a Jayson Werth dinger in the seventh to tie it, and "Kid Eternity" Jamie Moyer pitched another beautiful seven innings of two hit, one run ball. Unfortunately, is was all for naught when "Hot-Head" J.C. Romero came into the eigth inning, only to start off with a single to Robinson Cancel, in for pitcher of record and Philly-favorite Aaron Heilman. "Goat-Boy" Reyes sacrificed him over, Endy Chavez lined out, and David "Pussy" Wright was intentionally walked to set up a Romero - Carlos Delgado match-up. The results say that Uncle Charlie blew it, when the formally formidable Delgado slammed a double to left field, scoring both men on bass.

What happened next? Mets' closer Billy "Biggest Asshole in Baseball" Wagner came on, getting two quick outs before allowing a single to Chris Coste. Jimmy Rollins comes in to bat for Romero. Interestingly, Rollins was a late scratch from the line-up, much to the NY boo-birds dismay, and back up dude Eric Bruntlett took his place at short stop. Bruntlett was the only Phil to wear his hittin' shoes today, going 3-4 with two doubles, but the impotence of the meat of Philly's order left him there every time. Anyway, Rollins v. Wagner, north v. south, sorta, grooviness v. square, the good guys only a home run away from a tie when Wagner threw one 96 mph fastball that J-Roll grounded to third, forcing out Carlos "Hamster Pie" Ruiz, pinch-running for Coste, at second.

And the hated New York Mets take first place. This one hurt, for that reason and for giving Aaron Heilman (1-3) his first win of the season, and another save to the sickening Billy Wagner (26). Thank god the Philles (54-48) got the floundering Atlanta Braves (48-53) up next for three games back at CBP (I'll be there Friday night), while the Mets (55-47) host the considerable St. Louis Cardinals (57-46). Let's get it back boys.