Danthology

FLYERS!

2010-03-03T11:48:00.000-05:00

The Mean Jeans!

2010-02-26T15:31:00.001-05:00

Best band since the Exploding Hearts!!

http://www.dirtnaprecs.com/site/

Damn the Man!

2010-02-16T12:34:00.001-05:00

2/23/10 @ the Blue Parrot, Union St. DE. Headies, Come On Homewreckers, Free, 9pm!

The Glee of Headies

2010-02-12T12:57:00.001-05:00

New awesome Headies!

It makes me so goddam depressed, I swear to God it does...

2010-01-28T16:47:00.004-05:00

Wierd... I just finished re-reading "Catcher in the Rye" for insight into my alleged "suspended adolescense", and I finish it up with wild ideas as to how to express myself and all, and figuring I'd start a new band and call it "the Phonies" and then I flipped on the computer to find J.D. Salinger died. Big shoes to fill, novel to follow.

"Salinger was the greatest mind ever to stay in prep school." Norman Mailer

The Real Me

2010-01-19T12:29:00.002-05:00

Y'all know me as a kick-butt rock and roller, but I also revel in yard care, landscape maintenance, and gutteral refurberation. I am a wall-crawler. Thanks to Jamseage for the odd-jobs and the killer photo!

Tit Patrol @ the Blue Parrot Tonight!

2010-01-19T12:03:00.003-05:00

You wanted the best, you got the best! Tit Patrol appearing tonight at the Blue Parrot, 1934 N. Union Street in Wilmington Delaware with VERY special guests, Mr. Plow United! You like booze? $4 for a Jameson shot and a PBR pounder! DAMN! Jambalaya and such! The greatest genre known to musical dude: pop-punk! The Main Man, Hot Toddy, the Rad One, Long Tall Grant, and Napalm Tiger Balls! "A small part of me is saying I still have a chance..." Sing alongs! OMG be there or be square! FREEEE!

The Headies - Huge in Germany, or Suck It Jersey Beat!

2010-01-19T11:50:00.004-05:00

Here's the latest Headies review form Ox Fanzine Issue #87 out of Germany!!

HEADIES -
"Sugar And Spice (And Everything’s Fucked)" CD | Madison Underground | madisonundergroundpress.com | 21:54 ||
Pop-Punk in seiner schlichtesten form aus Wilmington, Delaware. GROOVIE GHOULIES und QUEERS lassen grusen, die RAMONES ja sowieso, 14 Songs kommen mit knapp 22 Minuten Spielzeit bestens klar, und gecovert wird auch, namlich "Bible Belt Baby“ von THE GIZMOS. Seit dem Vorganger "It’s A Super-Man’s World“ vom Sommer 2008 hat sich also nichts verandert in der HEADIES-Welt, und das ist auch gut so. Ist doch gut, dass manche dinge einfach ewig so bleiben, wie sie sind. (6) Joachim Hiller

And here's the translation:

Pop-punk in its simplest form from Wilmington, Delaware. GROOVIE GHOULIES and gravel can QUEERS, or the RAMONES anyway, 14 songs coming in just under 22 minutes playing time, very tight, and also covers, namely "Bible Belt Baby" by THE GIZMOS. Since the previous "It's A Super-Man's World" in the summer of 2008, nothing has changed in the Headies World, and that's a good thing. It's alright
that some things just stay like this forever, as they are.

My Man

2010-01-18T20:15:00.002-05:00

Another Great Jersey Beat Review

2010-01-16T13:33:00.008-05:00

The Headies - "Sugar and Spice (And Everything's Fucked)" CD -
One of the Headies is wearing a Riverdales hoodie over a New York Dolls t-shirt on the cover of this release. That's about right: they attempt sleazy guitar-driven garage rock in a 1-2-3-4 style. Sloppy playing and the band members' suspended adolescence make that otherwise solid combination not worth bothering with here. I cheated on first listen and skipped right to "PepsiFuckCheer" because that's a stupidly awesome song title. The song, however, is just stupid: "I love my girl and she loves my dick / Give her a Pepsi or she's gonna have a fit." Throughout the album, I tend to agree with Wendy, who is mentioned in the song "Jungle Girl": "My last girlfriend was Wendy, she was such a fucking bitch / Said I couldn't handle adult relationships." These are 30-something dudes apparently lusting after "Super Boot[ies]" and "Outer Space Short[ies]." Randomly placed terrible riffs, throat-hurting shouts, and falling-apart Beach Boys and Rolling Stones covers, don't help their case.
Reviewed by Chris Angiotti

Oh, opinions... I sent the record in to J.B. labeled "give to anyone but Andrew Fersch" who had really brutalized us. At least this dude clearly listened to the record! I wonder where he got the "thirty-something" thing from though...

"The older you get the more rules they'e gonna try and get you to follow..." - Wooderson

Not to get bitchy or defensive, but Chris betrayed some insight into his personality that is really not too favorable. For one, what part of garage punk rock is supposed to be sophisticated, tight, or mature? Is that what the listener pines for when reaching for a Sonics, Dictators, Gizmos, or Headies record? I think not. He makes it clear that "sleazy guitar-driven rock in the 1-2-3-4 style" is a "solid combination", and where we lost him is our "sloppy playing" and "suspended adolescence". Well, with the Headies, that is what you get. We have long since dismissed the pretension of certain punk rock and embraced the silly, "it's supposed to be fun" side. For some reason, this dude don't like that fun. Perhaps he sees us as comix or sci-fi geeks and his machoness can't take it. Citing us as "thirty-somethings" (we are all in our twenties! and deeply so when these songs were written!) and feeling some level of disgust in regard to our "lusting" after Super Booties and Outer Space Shorties, makes me think he wants more "age appropriate" song writing. Well, for some behind the scenes info, "Super Booty" is a love-story about a regular dude dating a comic book super hero, with adept and apropos lyrics. It is a challenging topic to write properly about whilst maintaining sweet rhymes and a sense of humor, and 99% of listeners agree it rules! "Jungle Girl" is a meta-narrative based on what happens to Peter Pan's love life directly following the egress of Wendy and the Darling Children back to London, concerned not only with which Neverland Girls he dates, but also with the syndrome assigned to his fictional name and the boys to men it's ascribed to back here in the real world, like me, apparently. So, it's fun, it's light, and it holds a intellectual challenge to those able to identify it. AND - lyrics are an abstracted reflection of the writer, who can lay out his own feelings into words, or take it up an artistic level and create characters, scenarios, and even action that comment on himself, the world, or the interaction thereof. So, don't worry Chris, I don't actually date aliens. That would be immature! Mainly, it was odd how the subject matter rubbed Chris the wrong way. Does he think we should be tighter and more serious while facing down the quantum fog of thirtiness? Fuck him!

I prefer:

From Razorcake.com - "Sugar and Spice (And Everything’s Fucked)" CD: What you got here is fun garage punk with a big dollop of primitive ‘60s influences and a great album title. Fourteen blasts of catchy melodies all contained in songs less than two and a half minutes, eleven of which are originals penned by The Headies. The lyrics are equal parts crude and cute which always seems fitting for garage rock of this nature. Highly recommended if you are a fan of acts as diverse as The Angry Samoans, Gas Huffer, early Screeching Weasel, or if you are just looking for an entertaining, snotty album to play at your next party.

From Maximumrocknroll 319 - "Sugar and Spice (And Everything's Fucked)" CD: Loose garage pop-punk. Reminds me of the early Hi-Fives and the Groovie Ghoulies with its raw production and fun attitude. I'm hearing a little Zeroes too. Good stuff. (ML)

From Rainbow Records Online - The Headies – "Sugar and Spice (And Everything’s Fucked)" CD - If you don’t like this album you are an uptight asshole that no one likes to be around. - Nate Powerstance

Distantbuthere 说：

20 天前

kt and i just bought this cd called "sugar and spice (and everything's fucked)" by the headies. you would love it. very pop-punk-surf-rock and completely silly. One of the songs is about a slutty alien he meets and in the refrain it says "you're the only alien i adore" one song also begins with "my last girlfriend was wendi she was such a fucking bitch." needless to say it made me think of you.

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Punk Rock Pot Luck Comp

2010-01-08T14:46:00.002-05:00

The Tit is on yet another comp this season: Punk Rock Pot Luck vol. IV! Just go to Punk Rock Review and download it! Now!

And Now It's My Birthday!

2009-12-30T14:03:00.004-05:00

27 Years young a la "Jacksons: An American Dream" or Suzanne Sugarbaker. 10 LP's 4 EP's, 300+ gigs, lotsa comix, and some people like me. Not too shabby.

Happy B-Day Boys!

2009-12-29T12:54:00.002-05:00

Tit Patrol Birthdays! Grant turns 19 and the Main Man a robust 26!

"Science Fiction on VHS" CD Compilation

2009-12-22T10:14:00.006-05:00

Now available on Fun With Asbestos Records out of Boston, MA, the Science Fiction on VHS CD compilation featuring Tit Patrol!, the Sheckies and the Prozacs (both at the Spot in Wilmington, DE 2/12/10!), the Bugs and the Rich White Males (featuring Dangerous Dave from the Queers), the Scutches and many more cream of the crop pop-punk bands! Get it right now at Interpunk!

1. Scutches - Marsha
2. Worthingtons - Mutate My Brain
3. Murderburgers - Doubletake
4. Diasepunk - Ya No Se Que Mas Decirte
5. Kensingtons - Goodbye
6. Bugs - I'm Getting Fat
7. Shit-Bums - Chos Before Hoes
8. Way To Go! - I Lost My Mind (Feat. Wimpy)
9. Sterns76 - Black Lipstick
10. Rich White Males - Everybody Hates Me
11. Sheckies - I Need Xanax
12. Deans - Better
13. Tit Patrol - I Don't Wanna Be A Part Of It
14. Lolligaggers - Panhandler's Lament
15. Prozacs - Better Run

Tit Patrol @ Monster Zero Studios December '09

2009-12-21T19:48:00.007-05:00

Thanks to Joe for the great work and everything else!

The Smokers @ the P.A.F. House in Rock Hill, SC 12/15/09

2009-12-21T19:40:00.003-05:00

Awesome house party, can't wait to come back! This is how Tit Patrol gets down!

The Koffin Kats @ the Shepherstown Train Station, Shepherdstown, WV 12/13/09

2009-12-21T19:29:00.003-05:00

The Vankills @ the Shepherdstown Train Station, Shepherdstown, WV 12/13/09

2009-12-21T19:25:00.003-05:00

Tit Patrol Tour Antix

2009-12-21T19:19:00.002-05:00

Hanging out at Kelly and Will's. Cool folks, great dinner, fun rec room, air hockey... what more could a touring band ask for?

Tit Patrol Tour Journal December '09

2009-12-21T19:01:00.003-05:00

Another super-successful Tit Tour, complete with blood and guts and Ullyssean attempts at homecoming. The whole tour was shaded by the excellent shadow of our new tour van, a 1998 Ford Club Wagon, tentatively named Hot Tub Van #1, which housed us and showed us much love. We left from New Castle, DE, as we do, on Friday and headed towards Waynesboro, PA, on the Pennsylvania/Maryland border about halfway between Philly and Pittsburgh to play Rocket Guitar. Our departure time was a little late, as we are a working group, so we got there with the show already in progress. We loaded in fast as a hardcore band was doing their thing to much headbanging, with a crowd of around fifty people. We took the stage and most everybody was up front to check the Tit, who did a good set. We prefer not to mike our stage amps and just crank 'em, but the room was big and the sound dude was cool and did a good mix. After the set we found that alot of folks came out to get a glimpse of the Tit and we sold more than half of our tour merch on the first night! Cory and Mike from Bob's Hemophiliac and Boofman from the Cock Blocks also came out to supprt. The owner Terry was a really cool guy who kinda resembled Randy America from Jake and the Stiffs, and he loved us! He took great care of us and we are gonna book there again at the end of January. We also met the Vankills, ska and pop-punk out of Martinsburg, WV, who were awesome dudes that we would be playing with on Sunday as well.

After the show we were escorted by our buddy Matt Burns, who books in the area and has been an awesome friend and alot of help to us, through multiple states in short time down to Winchester, VA. We hit the local supermarket and bought mad twelves of the local store-brand soda pop, including Spin Cola (liken to Pepsi), Rally Cola (Coke), Ramp (Mountain Dew), and Dr. Bob (Dr. Pepper), and PB & J. Then we went to the house we'd be staying at for the next two days. Kelly and Will are absoultely awesome people who take in punk bands that come through the area. When we got there, Kelly had prepared an amazing, huge venison roast with carrots and potatoes that Tit Patrol and Matt grubbed hard on, then we partied in the basement with air hockey and beers! They have a sheet that all the bands sign when they come through that had the 20 Belows, the Sheckies, Flamingo Nosebleed, and a bunch of our other buddies on it, and the Tit contributed. The next day we got the oil changed in the van and other such trivialities and spent the night watching punk rock movies like "Sid and Nancy" and "Another State of Mind." It was a great time and we can't thank Kelly and Will enough for their hospitality! Kelly even took Toddy way up into the mountains to score some tree off some teenagers!

The next day was a show at the Sheperdstown, WV train station with the Vankills, So Damn Thirsty, and the Koffin Kats out of Detroit. Matt Burns set this one up too and it went really, really well. The Tit opened (minus the Rad One who had a final exam to ace, but don't worry, we get him back later!) and was vicious, tight, and confident. There were alot of people there, sixty or so, as the Koffin Kats are well established and really good. The Vankills went on second and were really good Ba-Durr! or Bob's Hemophiliac style ska-punk, great dudes and Tit Patrol kindreds. So Damn Thirsty are a very tight mix of Misfits-style horror punk and hard rock and the singer Timmy Pain and his family were very cool to us. The Koffin Kats closed out the show with a lengthy but entertaining set of punk-a-billy, and most notably their bassist used a steel-reinforced stand-up that was as much of a prop as a musical intstrument. He climbed all over it and hoisted it up and it was very cool. Nice dudes too and very pro with one of the most extensive merch selections I have seen!

We were picking up Mikey at the Durham airport the next day, so we rolled into Raliegh and spent the night there. We woke up and camped out at the Jammin' Java coffee joint for the whole morning where I shaved and bathed with wet naps in the bathroom and we used their wi-fi. We booked over the the airport, grabbed the Rad One and split for the night's gig in Johnson City, Tennessee at the Hide-Away. The drive was wild, a half hour left turn up a mountain and back down the other side. It was a low turnout Monday night show with two touring bands and no locals, but it was actually awesome. The crew there were terrific to us and showed us a great time. The other touring band was called Heroes for Tonight out of Scottsboro, Alabama. They were nice kids with a Blink/MxPx sound who toured with their girlfriends! We were glad of it, as it resulted in more of an audience. It was a fun night and we're going back on a weekend coming up.

We camped in Tennessee for the night and then headed out for Rock Hill, South Carolina to play a party at the P.A.F. house wherein reside the Smokers. We got there at two in the afternoon and instantly hit it off great with the boys. They were watching Gilmore Girls so we smoked some weed with them and dug a few episodes. They were definitely kindred spirits who dig what we do, like "Eddie Murphy's Raw". We chilled with them on the porch and the passed around the brown juice and Everclear fruit salad and the Tit decided to check out downtown Rock Hill. It was very quiet and not much was open, so we did our loitering outside of the local gas station where we purchased RC Cola, Moon Pies, Cracklins, and bourbon. The cracklins were a true Southern treat to us, deep fried chicken skins with the feathers still on 'em! Grant enjoyed his Ancient Age bourbon so greatly that he has begun correspondence with the company! We got back to the house and broached the subject of scoring trees, and Smokers guitar-man Swifty took us across the tracks to get down. We rolled back and people started to flow in. It was an awesome turn out and getting to be a wild time. The Main Man enjoyed eighteen beers, several of which were Ice Brewed! A bunch of dudes were starting fires in the back yard and Austin from the Smokers was blowing Everclear into the flames a la Gene Simmons, so our own singer Grant got in on the act, but in true Tit fashion gulped a larger than average amount of grain and when he spit it, it backdrafted and lit his face on fire like napalm! Totally awesome! Richmond's Bay of Pigs opened with that Richmond sound and local dude Randy Burke did humorous solo electric guitar ditties. Then the Tit took the stage, surly and full of 'tude! We had some slight frustrations between ourselves which I feel translates into amazing performance a la the Ramones. Grant was burnt and peeling and medicated with whiskey, so I did most of the talking into his mike. Right before one hot number, he accidentally busted me in the puss with it and split open my lip. I was heated and stomped around, but was all good by the middle of the tune, and it made it all the better. The week before someone had stomped a hole in the floor and the structural integrity was questionale at best, bowing and creeking the whole time, I was sure we were going down! The crown went ape-shit and it was our fave show of tour. The Smokers closed out the night and they were great, power-pop rock and roll, and the Tit showed our appreciation by rocking out as hard as possible, the Rad One even caught a bass to the head and bled good, so three Tits were injured up in SC!

We were starting recording at Joe Queer's new Monster Zero Studio in Atlanta the next day so we headed out and made our way. It was beautiful and clear on the outskirts where the studio is and you could see mad stars, and constellations like Orion, Pisces, and the Dippers. It was awesome to work with Joe again. We saw the Queers play at the Barbary at the beginning of December with the Leftovers and the Mad Splatter and hung for a minute and got very excited to lay down the new record. Monster Zero is fucking very nice and we slept there for the duration. I had my sleeping bag right up by the mixing board. At night we watched MST3K DVDs and drank Pepsi pounders for ninety-nine cents and perused a collection of Playboys from 1970. Tracking went exceptionally well and Tit Patrol's renowned rhythm section layed down twelve tracks of drums and bass parts in under eight hours. The Main Man used the sparkle blue Queer's drum set with Wimpy's original Queers snare. I'm pretty sure I used a '69 SVT head through Hartke 4x10 speakers, but we tried out a few things so I'm not positive. I definitely used mc Ben's Mexican Squire which is like a velvet glove cast in iron. The next day we were set to do guitars. We had set up Todd's rhythm guitar sound the night before, and it was a doozy: my '79 Les Paul Standard played through the original Ninja Attak Crate Stealth head with the earplitting buzzsaw and Marshall speakers. He breezed through his parts and Mikey set up while we grabbed some BBQ and hit the Subway where the girls asked us if we knew the Neutrons. We got back and Mikey was laying down additional rhythm tracks, playing Joe's gold Fender Strat through a Marshall JCM 800 head and Marshall speakers. For his leads, the Rad One played my Les Paul through the same rig. We tested so many mikes for Grant's vocals that I am not sure which one we ended up going with!

Recording is fun because it highlights what each member of the band brings to the table. Todd's songs are simple and interesting, funny and heartbreaking, intentionally wide-eyed dumb and super-intelligent, and all short, fast, mean, and catchy. The Main Man's drumming is powerful, unique and thoughtful, absolutely crucial to the Tit Patrol sound, and currently the most vital player in the tradition of Rule-Jordan-Bardzik-Cruz-Volk, West Chester/Wilmington punk drumming. Mikey's leads consistently blow my mind. He has talent and skill, but above all he is creative. His embelishments are one of a kind, as he appears to approach composition from a simultaneously learned and unaffected angle. No one can do what Mike Radka does. Grant's voice is strong and natural and has a tendency towards weaving warm harmonies or cool, agressive lambasts, my all-around best at his position Punk Rock Singer. I play the fuck out of the bass.

That night we heded into town to the gas station and met this dude named Mennis who was a rapper. We talked about music and what not, and he hit up the Krispy Kreme delivery dude at our behest, telling him we are out on the road and hit us up with some day-olds. And boy did he! We got a bag of fifty of the tastiest, slimiest Krispy Kremes we ever did eat!

It was gonna be a couple days before Joe could begin the mix, so we decided to head on back to Delaware the next morning. People we talked to back home kept on some jibber-jabber about how it was gonna snow, but we didn't think twice about it. The next morning it was raining cats and dogs all through Georgia and into South Carolina it was snowing pretty damn hard. The roads were getting real bad, so we decided to grab a motel room for the night and try our luck the next day, when it would be inevitably better. That day we did stop at the finest Southern fast food joint we ever been to, Bojangle's Chicken and Biscuits. We had stopped here once before, so we knew of their elborate biscuit menu, excellent gravies, and awesomely greasy chicken, but this time inclimate weather had it slow in there, and the counter dude asked about the band and was into Screeching Weasel, so we hit it off and hooked us up with all kindsa chicken, buscuits, mac and cheese, fries (with ketchup, "Cuz I know you boys up North love yer fuckin' ketchup!), and sweet teas, and we gave him some Tit Patrol records, which made the counter girl blush. After a wild night in a motel with mirrors above the beds, we headed out into the elements, into the van at 9 a.m. It was touch and go up to Northern Virginia, when we came to a complete halt.

8:58 a.m. - On the way on a pretty clear hi way!

11:27 a.m. - Bound no mo! Cruisin' VA with clear roads.

12:11 p.m. - Be home in like 3 hours!

2:11 p.m. - Slowly on 95 by DC.

2:13 p.m. - Like Ullyses himself I'm afraid! Shitty!

2:26 p.m. - Poorly! I hope we just keep at it! But it'll be a bit.

2:30 p.m. - Around DC! It sucks.

3:13 p.m. - We're ok, no traffic by exit 131, just mad snow.

3:20 p.m. - DC is still to come.

5:14 p.m. - Sittin' in traffic for fucking ever.

5:28 p.m. - Mad traffic, 2 hours from home if we can move.

5:31 p.m. - I actually have no idea! Tractor trailers everywhere.

5:33 p.m. - Nothing to worry about just insane traffic and 5mph.

5:36 p.m. - Virtually the same place we were 2 hours ago, I don't know exactly, just south of DC.

6:20 p.m. - Slow and steady and safe, I don't know when but we'll be home tonite!

6:46 p.m. - Same old, safe but slow, worst NB traffic I ever saw plus 3 hours worth, SB has flowed the whole time we've been here, assumed accident.

7:14 p.m. - Holy shit the traffic broke!

7:16 p.m. - Just feels good to move!

9:06 p.m. - We haven't moved in an hour.

9:17 p.m. - This feels like a nightmare.

9:20 p.m. - Still stopped, we hear disabled vehicle 2 exits up.

9:22 p.m. - No one wants to stop.

9:50 p.m. - It was overturned t trailer, we are slowly moving!

9:58 p.m. - Thank goddess! I am on the verge of tears!

10:13 p.m. - You don't wanna know!

10:48 p.m. - Just took a walk up the 95 and found the trailer is not moved, waiting on that shit.

11:43 p.m. - We are on the move!

11:45 p.m. - So almost!

12:03 a.m. - Movin' and groovin' carefully!

2:01 a.m. - Less than an hour I think!

3:14 a.m. - Dropped off Mikey in Newark, on the way!!

In other words we spent nineteen straight hours in the van trapped on I-95. Toddy earns my vote for tour MVP for driving the entire snow adventure. The experince was not unlike doing acid or sensory deprevation, or meditation, in and of that our brains all did things they probably wouldn't normally do to adapt to the scenario. All in all we had it good, the leftover slime donuts, remaining PB & J's, and Pepsi and Mountain Dew, the greatest music known to man, and the Tit sticks together! Sure we got a little punchy from cabin fever, but "We know when it all comes down that we'll keep our feet on the ground. It's better to try than to give up! And when the shit hits the fan, we're crawling back to the van, it's nice to have a little piece of home."

Thanks to Matt Burns, Will and Kelly, the Smokers, the Vankills, Joe Queer, and everybody else who was so cool to us! Back on the road, fuckin' up the Midwest in March!

Homegrown Cafe 12/9/09

2009-12-10T13:47:00.006-05:00

For those of you who were at the Homewreckers show last night, here is what you missed: All three Madison acts, the Headies, Billy Frolic, and Tit Patrol performed to a large and uproarious crowd, both PA speakers were plugged in during the Headies set, my innovative hairstyle (Johnny Thunders meets Adam Lambert meets Kate Plus 8) was appreciated and not misinterpreted by Connor Ba-Durr! who is smart and supportive, and Tit Patrol played the tightest set any band has ever played anywhere. And if you were there, keep yer mouth shut!

Book the Headies and Tit Patrol

2009-12-08T13:19:00.002-05:00

As you may know, I am in two kick-butt bands. Tit Patrol is the ever popular road warrior pop-punk combo and the Headies is the punk and roll old school loud and fast jamberoo. Sample music from each is available through widget form on the sidebar, but please check out our myspaces, get in touch with us, and have us come play your town, venue, house, party, boat, school, dance, mixer, social, rally, roller derby match, or anything else that needs punk rock. Thanks, and we look forward to meeting you and rocking yer sox off!

BOOKING:
The Headies
Tit Patrol

Tit Patrol Down South Sci-Fi Borax Tour '09

2009-12-08T13:06:00.004-05:00

Tit Patrol is about to hit the road again, this time in a beautiful new (to us) van!! Here's the details in case you wanna come support yer fave pop-punkers, or just follow us like the Grateful Dead.

Official Tit Patrol Tour Itinerary

12/9/09
Tour Kick-Off Party @ Homegrown Cafe
126 E. Main Street, Newark, DE
Tit Patrol w/the Headies and special guest Billy Frolic!
10pm, Free, All Ages

12/11/09
@ Rocket Guitar
123 Walnut Street, Waynesboro, PA
Tit Patrol w/2 Side 2 Die, Last One Down, Rutabaga Suicide, and the Van Kills
6pm, $5, All Ages

12/12/09
Off Day - Party Down!

12/13/09
@ Blondie's Bar None
5000 Cleveland Street, Virginia Beach, VA
Tit Patrol w/Info TBA

12/14/09
@ The Hideaway
235 E. Main Street, Johnson City, TN
Tit Patrol w/Heroes for Tonight
7pm, $5, 21+

12/15/09
@ the P.A.F. House
143 N. Wilson Street, Rock Hill, South Carolina
Tit Patrol w/the Smokers, Bay of Pigs, and Randy Burke
8pm, $2, All Ages

12/16-12/19
@ Monster Zero Studios in Atlanta, GA
Recording our new full-length CD, "Hate Speech",
Produced by Joe Queer!

Tit Patrol Tour Photos November '09

2009-11-24T12:28:00.002-05:00

Tit Patrol Tour Journal 11/19-11/22

2009-11-24T12:24:00.001-05:00

Tit Patrol just got off an amazing mini-tour and are currently re-adjusting to stupid real life, which we hate. It started in Philly on Thursday night at J.R.'s, a tiny little bar with really cool staff. They were very cool to us, and it is cheese steak adjacent with a Phillip's stand right across the way! So the Tit got all greased up and played a great show with the Brown Bag Trio, One Short Fall, and the Slotcars. Andy and King from the Sheckies were also there and jumped on for a great mini-set with Dave Slotcar on guitar! On the way home, Toddy realized that he had somehow left his guitar. It seemed like the end of Tit Patrol, but Steve, the awesome sound/doorman with the slick 'stache got ahold of us and said I could come pick it up the next day. Luckily, everyone but me had to work that morning so we weren't leaving until the next afternoon. I slid by in the a.m. and grabbed that axe, safely stashed behind a curtain. Thanks ALOT to J.R.'s for still having it!

We congregated at Todd and the Main Man's new pad in New Castle the next afternoon and packed up Grant's mom's SUV. Dude, we need a van, big time, please contribute. We cruised up to New York and got stuck in city traffic, but made it to the Riff in Long Island with plenty of time. This was a great bar with alot of walk in business, all of whom had to pay to see us, so, ahem, we did pretty well that night. The opening band were young teenagers called Here She Comes. I don't know, but I think it may be in reference to the first line of "Femme Fatale" because they covered "What Goes On" by the Velvets. Also, their drummer had a real Main Man thing happening with his spectacles and all. Vinnie from the Scutches, who helped us get the gig, did acoustic Scutches songs and they were great. Vinnie's tunes are super-catchy and he has a wild and really cool voice, and I can't wait for his upcoming "The Sharon Chronicles." Great album title, by the way! Next the Tit did our thing, to the standard great success. At the Riff we conjoined our tour with Kepi Ghoulie. You know the Groovie Ghoulies, part of the pantheon of Lookout(!) Records greatness from the mid and late nineties. We were all big Groovies fans, but I gotta say, Kepi's new stuff is even better. His bassist Dino Girl is a great player with a beautiful voice, and as Tit Patrol will tell you, extremely crushable!! They rocked old and new songs and gave tambourines and maracas to the audience, which Tit Patrol greedily monopolized, and Toddy jumped on the drums for a couple numbers! Kepi also had the best merch. New and old CD's, LP's, EP's, and t-shirts, original art and even Kepi-Couture holiday tree ornaments!

After the show we were headed towards Wheeling, West Virginia for the next night's gig. We had planned on going half way, hitting Harrisburg, PA and getting some flea bag room for the night. Unfortunately, the Holland Tunnel was closed or fucked up or something, and the GPS we were blindly relying on led us into mid-town and off the highway. Toddy was behind the wheel at this point, and his heart did not explode, thankfully. We did get to see some classic "hooker-brand" hookers, with the shiny gold micro mini-skirts and purple fur coats and all, unlike our hookers who just wear like jeans and a Starter jacket. We got as far as Clinton Township New Jersey and hit up the first place we could, a slightly too ritzy Holiday Inn with a pool. The desk clerk saw we were from Delaware, and greeted us "Welcome to the real world." I was tired and cranky so I was like, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" But he lightened up and so did we. Unfortunately we got a non-smoking room with strict warnings about $250 additional rate if any evidence of smoking is found. So we just all crowded into the bathroom, turned on the shower to hot and threw a bunch of good smelling stuff into the tub and hot-boxed that muther, with no one the wiser. We headed out the next morning and hit up the Waffle House, along with an African-American college's step team, and the Main Man picked up the tab. On the way we saw a car on fire on the highway and snapped a great shot.

We got to Wheeling that afternoon and checked into the much more affordable Wheeling Inn, which features a menu of the room furniture with prices, so if you wanna break something you know how much it's gonna cost, very convenient! The desk lady was very band-friendly, telling us she used to work in Miami and saw all the big acts, such as Korn, Fuel, Slipknot, Chlorine, etc... and how she'd get her fourteen year old daughter to meet them. We wondered where her daughter was now. We decompressed for a couple hours, loaded into Yesterday's Draught House and then set off for grub. We decided on the Bridge Tavern, and were not disappointed. The Main Man got hot wings and bacon and eggs, me and Toddy got huge meatloaf sandwiches on white bread with like a quart of brown gravy soaking the whole thing, and Grant got turkey on white with white gravy and mashers, which even the anti-potato Toddy ate and enjoyed. So, with our gravy levels at high we went over to the show. We weren't expecting much because it honestly looked like a ghost town, like Market Street Wilmington after 6 p.m., but the place was pretty packed. The openers were another teenage band called N.F.I., and even though it was an eighteen and older club, they were young enough to need parental accompaniment. They played three Blink songs, four Green Day songs, Nirvana, Sublime, and ended with "Jenny I Got Your Number." We were all really supportive and sang every song (except Sublime), and everybody had a good time, even thought they refered to "Dookie"-era Green Day songs as old-school. There were a bunch of local young girls and young punks who combined '82-style hardcore dress with fashionable haircuts, like the one I have. I got along with these kids really well, and they got the party started in the pit. Tit played next and we were torrid. Grant even did a header off the stage, a la Joey Ramone. Things got kicked up a notch when One Short Fall took the stage and did the best set I've seen them do. The place was electric and wild and me and Grant even had to break up a fight with Grant carrying some flanneled dude out the front door. Kepi headlined and had the place dancing and it would not settle down, even for an acoustic set. It was far to kinetic to take photos.

Afterwards things got a little crazy. Grant had been using mind control on the bartender to receive many free drinks that evening, and this one kid in trendy J-Lo glasses rubbed him the wrong way, so Grant was whacking him in the kidneys. This was infuriating the dude who was complaining that he was offended. Me and the Main Man came out to this, and didn't want anything to happen because that kid had also bought two Tit Patrol records earlier in the night, but he was saying how he and his boys would "take care of it" so the Main Man asked exactly what they would take care of, seeing as how he and I were right there and are both sober and muscly and have unlimited star punches, and the kids agreed that they wouldn't enjoy that and it sort of diffused. Grant took off towards the motel, the Main Man got a beer off this cutey blonde sophomore at WVU, and I went in to help Todd get us paid. Turns out that Grant was hassling some mannequins in a store window with a traffic cone and that glasses guy went down to, I don't know what, so the Main Man went and told the kid to go the fuck home and took Grant back to the hotel parking lot. Meanwhile, I was discovering that someone claiming to be the promoter for the evening had already received the cash from the door. Well, there was no promoter present, so the long and short of it was that someone had stolen the door and none of use were getting paid. WEAK. I went to relieve the Main Man so he could get back to his lady friend and me and I willed Grant to walk into our room and we crashed out. Dan from One Short Fall stayed with us while Brian got some booty and Logie slept in the van. That night we got tussed up and I won three out of four games of R.B.I. 3 off the Main Man.

The next morning we all had tour breakfast together at Uncle Pete's out on the deck. It was a beautiful morning and everybody was in very high spirits despite not getting paid the night before. We drove to Morgantown, WV for the final show of mini-tour at Club Octane. We had some time to kill so we hit up the adult book store and arcade with private and semi-private booths. They had no gay porn, which we thought was discriminatory, but when we saw whippits, crackers, and balloons all in one display, we changed our tune. Tit Patrol spent the next hour reading the free Go-Go Girl newsletter and blowing whippits in the car on Main Street, Morgantown and then joined One Short Fall at the bar with our brains half-melted. The show was great. Kepi and Dino Girl opened up to get the party started and were amazing as always, complimenting the Main Man on his maraca work calling him a modern-day Jerome Green. Praise from Caesar! The Tit and One Short Fall did our things, and then it was time for the locals. First of the two was the Serpent Handlers of West Virginia. I do not recommend seeing them ever. They were trash. A mix of ECW and a G.G. Allin rip-off, they cut their heads and bled profusely while whipping out their minuscule junk, all the while having no bass player and patently boring semi-songs. Very bad. Dino Girl looked like she was gonna puke! After the owner put a stop to it, everything was covered in blood, so the Tit stepped up, grabbed latex gloves from the kitchen and disinfectant and cleaned the mikes and stands and the stage so the last band could play without fear of hepatitis. Though we all had to get going, that band cleared the joint out, so we stuck around and watched the last band, called Days to Come. They were very nice dudes with amazing West Virginia accents who played a metal-hardcore hybrid. We hit the hot dog stand, said our good-byes, and hit the road back to Wilmington with a Kepi soundtrack the whole way.

Thanks so much to Kepi Ghoulie, Dino Girl, Dan, Logie, and Brian (One Short Fall) for being awesome and letting us use equipment, Vinnie Scutch, J.R.'s, the Riff, Yesterdays, Club Octane, Justin from Punk Rock Promo and all my fellow Tits for making this a great experience! Back on the road December 10... you should come.

Kepi Ghoulie @ Club Octane in Morgantown, WV 11/22/09

2009-11-24T12:10:00.003-05:00

Kepi Ghoulie @ the Riff in Long Island, NY 11/20/09

2009-11-24T10:21:00.004-05:00

Tit Patrol was lucky enough to have Kepi Ghoulie, the singer/songwriter behind the Groovie Ghoulies, and his partner in crime, the incomparable Dino Girl on three dates of tour with us. They were amazing every night, hosting a punk rock hootenanny featuring the Tit on percussion! Kepi's new stuff is better than ever, do check it out! And special thanks to Vinnie Scutch for hooking us up!

The Slotcars and One Short Fall @ J.R.'s in Philadelphia, PA 11/19/09

2009-11-24T09:53:00.019-05:00

First night of Tit Patrol mini-tour @ J.R.'s in Philly. The opening band didn't bother to show, so the Brown Bag Trio stepped up and in! Toddy accidentally left his git-box at the bar, but we weren't leaving for NY until the next day, so I went back in the morning and it was totally there! The Slotcars were awesome. We had heard them because they were in the Electric Cave right before Tit Patrol last November, and Joe played us some tunes, but this was the first time we saw 'em live. Awesome short, tight pop punk. One Short Fall would be with us for the rest of the weekend and are our new BFFB (Best Friends Forever Band). Seriously, thanks to One Short Fall for being a great band and great dudes, the Tit had an awesome time hanging out and playing with those guys, and we're gonna do it again ASAP.
The SLOTCARS

ONE SHORT FALL

The Headies Tonite @ the Khyber

2009-11-24T09:50:00.001-05:00

New Gaga - "Bad Romance"

2009-11-14T14:19:00.002-05:00

And on a serious note...

Gold Gloves and Silver Sluggers

2009-11-12T19:31:00.003-05:00

Yet another repeat: Phillies shortstop Jimmy "J-Roll" Rollins and center fielder Shane "the Flyin' Hawaiian" Victorino have been named the National League Rawling's Gold Glove winners at their positions. Major League Baseball, by way of voting by league managers and coaches (though they can not vote for their own players), bestows the Gold Glove on the best fielder in each position in both leagues, and Jimmy has won his third in a row, while Shane has his second.

In the olden days of yore, the Gold Glove was most likely given to the player who committed the fewest errors and most helped his team intangibly with his fine defense. Today, such wacky stats as UZR (Ultimate Zone Rating) and RF (Range Factor) are considered. UZR, developed by FanGraphs, determines the number of runs above or below average a fielder is by combining his rankings in "range runs," which quantifies how well a fielder is able to get to balls hit in his vicinity, and "error runs," which takes into account how many errors a fielder makes compared to an average fielder at the same position on the same amount of balls in play. Range Factor, meanwhile, was first developed in 1977 by statistician Bill James, and it represents the number of successful plays a fielder makes per game by combining putouts and assists and dividing that number by innings played. Sorta confusing, but just a more concrete way to more fairly give out the awards in this (slightly post?)-Money Ball era.

As far as the rest of the league goes, my man Carlos "Chooch" Ruiz was robbed behind the plate with the award going to the Cardinal's catcher Yadier Molina, winning his second straight Gold Glove after being an All-Star and compiling some mind-boggling stats, including an ERA of 3.48 for St. Louis pitching when he's the backstop. Also winning for the Cards is Cy Young candidate Adam Wainwright, taking his first. The Dodger's Orlando "O-Dog" Hudson won it at second base (quit throwing balls into the stands Chase Utley!) and Matt Kemp won one of the three outfield awards. San Diego's Adrian Gonzalez won it a first base, beating Albert "Mr. Fucking Perfect" Pujols and a much improved Ryan "Soul Pole" Howard. Washington's Ryan Zimmerman took home his much-deserved first Gold Glove at third base with popularity contest winner, the Mets' David Wright, having an injury plagued season, because he is a Met. Lastly, the final outfield award went to ex-Phil and current Houston Astro, Michael Bourn. We all love Michael Bourn around here. He was the trade that brought Brad Lidge in as our closer, and he is speedy and dangerous and makes every play. Awesome player.

Over in the Junior Circuit, the Twins' Joe Mauer won at catcher, Yankees Mark "Happy Gilmore" Texiera at first base and Derek Jeter at shortstop, the Tiger's and ex-Phillie Placido "Jawbone" Polanco at second base, the Rays' Eva Longoria at third base, Angels' Torii Hunter, Mariner's Ichiro (of course), and B-More O's Adam Jones(!) took the three Gloves for the outfield, and Mark "Perfect Game" Buehrle won on the mound.

Over on the offensive side, only one Phil brings home any hardware. Second baseman Chase Utley won his fourth consecutive Silver Slugger award. He is the cream of the crop and an old school player, great career so far, great season and post-season. I'm glad he's on our side! In the American League, it was the Blue Jays Aaron Hill, who also won the A.L. Comeback Player of the Year Award. Of course Albert Pujols won it at first base, a very tough position and he won it over two guys with more R.B.I.'s than him... not exactly my credentials. But the Silver Slugger credentials are more varied than those of the Golden Glove. Batting average, runs batted in (my personal fave), home runs, slugging percentage, on base percentage, and on base plus slugging percentage! Which is the most important? Well, Albert led in all of 'em except R.B.I.'s. In the A.L. Mark Texiera has the 2009 matching set in Gold and Silver. Atlanta's Brian McCann won it for catcher, and if he hits off other teams like he hits off the Phillies, he deserves it. No surprise that Minnesota's Joe Mauer takes his third SS for the A.L. At shortstop, Florida's Hanley "Hanley, Hanley" Ramirez takes home his second consecutive, while Derek Jeter continues to pile up 2010 post season awards with his fourth Silver Slugger. Over at the hot corner, two SS newbies take the Silver Slugger, as they did the Gold Gloves, Tampa Bay's Longoria and Washington's Zimmerman. Out in the outfield, in the National League, Milwaukee's Ryan Braun gets his second straight while two young Dodger stars, Matt Kemp and Andre Ethier both get their first. In the American League, Seattle's Ichiro takes his third trophy, and known glovesman, L.A. Angel's Torii Hunter gets his first, as does Boston veteran Jason Bay.

Congratulations to all winners, but most especially our Phillies! Great work boys!

What We Do Is Secret

2009-11-12T18:47:00.005-05:00

About five years ago I saw a listing on Craigslist looking for punk rock people to come out to L.A. and be extras in the movie they were making about the Germs. Now, I have no particular affinity for the Hollywood punk scene, though as a punk rock historian I appreciate it quite a bit. Still, it was convoluted and short lived, in its original form. In New York in the 1970's, after a couple months in, the press was just picking up on it, so you didn't get less intelligent, less creative, less tortured kids coming out of Long Island after seeing it on the 5 o'clock news and inventing hardcore before the scene could gel. That happened later. But out in Hollywood, they had a comparative scene about a year lagging, so the Sex Pistols had been happening, etc... and fashion punkery had already been engaged. Sure, there were luminaries like X and the Germs, and notable the Weirdos and the Stranglers, but even their best music was deliberate and dirge like, angry and rarely tongue-in-cheek, lacking in the pop sensibilities of their East Coast and English counterparts. You know, albums full of major-chord progression power chords. Worse still was the influx of Orange County, suburban beach punks that dumbed it all down. But still, the Germs, right! When Tit Patrol was living on North Street in Newark, the walls were all spray painted, my breakfast, lunch, and dinner all came in 40 oz. containers, and Video Showplace rented eight VHS tapes for eight dollars for eight nights, so one of our most frequent pick-ups was Penelope Spheeris' "The Decline of Western Civilization", the documentary about the turning of the Hollywood scene from the older artistic nihilists to the younger "get fucked up" crew. The Germs, X, and Black Flag performances are awesome, and the time spent with the bands off stage is even way better, even though the famous scene in which Darby makes breakfast and his "roommate" talks about the dead painter they found was a ruse. Darby's actual roommate was Tony the Hustler, but he didn't want the documentary showing him being gay in any way. In "Decline" Darby Crash is definitely the hero of the movie, but it's a facade. I tried to get Karl to drive me out to Hollywood to audition for the movie, but he had to work, so we didn't do it.

Years later, I'm listening to G.I. and get an inkling to check the Germs movie out. Now, some movies make you uncomfortable in a way that takes away from the film. Todd Solenz's "Storytelling" is a great example. That scene with super-cutie, flat-chested Selma Blair and the large black dude is, for my money, too exploitative and gross. And I like exploitative and gross! "Kids" also is unbelievably sucky in that same "aren't we real, so real and bad" way. Some movies make you uncomfortable in a good way that engages you, "Psycho" being the obvious, and way out of the league, example. "What We Do Is Secret" is not uncomfortable in either of these ways, it's not uncomfortable at all. It's kinda like the Germs meets "Mean Girls." They kept pretty close to the Germs plot as I know it: Two kids gets kicked out of an L.A. hippy Scientology school for "mind control", convincing the other students that they were God and his son, Jesus, they decide to start a band to enact one of their's "five year plan", they recruit valley girls to fill out the band, rename themselves Bobby Pyn, then Darby Crash and Pat Smear, become the Germs (after Nietzsche's "germ of an idea"), play a terrible first show at the Orpheum with the Damned in the audience at which Darby does his best Iggy Pop, gain popularity after Darby cuts the shit out of his chest (also like Iggy) at the Masque, start to draw and incite their audience into riots, make a record produced by Joan Jett, can't get booked due to reputation, Darby breaks up the band and goes to England where he becomes a New Romantic, comes back and forms the Darby Crash Band, who suck, does one more Germs show reunion to make a lot of cash, reveals the telos of his five-year plan as suicide, an intentional heroin overdose, meanwhile, unbeknownst to him, on that same day John Lennon was shot, dooming Darby to obscurity. The whole thing is framed by a pre-suicide Darby interview, conducted by Slash Magazine's Kickboy Face, and Darby narration which is him reading from Nietzsche's "Beyond Good and Evil". He reveals in the interview that his motivation is political, not on a nationwide scale, but on the level of personal relationships. His Germs lyrics are his message, that the only way to succeed on a national or personal level is through fascism, and he is the ideal fascist leader, to his "circle" of friends. Darby is also obsessed with the cyclical nature of things, as shown through the blue "Circle One" Germs logo that he and his band and extended followers wear on armbands or spray paint on the wall or burn into your arm with a cigarette when you are family.

The storytelling of the movie is actually really good, though how accurately it portrays how the characters enacted is in question. They all act like kids, and I guess they were. Unlike the older, more sophisticated New York scene led by artists, poets, and addicts who then made music, these guys were right out of high school, emulating artists and once in a while, becoming one. In Darby's case, relying on the direction of inner demons, and as for the rest of the Germs, it would seem, relying on their belief in Darby and their love of the Germs, in a classic "we're all in this together" mentality. They are all portrayed as wildly naive, babes at Darby's teet, and though he could talk a big game, he was just as naive as anyone. Richard Hell was a manipulator concerned with art and by extension, himself. Darby Crash was a manipulator concerned with himself, and by extension, art. So, they do all this well, and make it well worth watching, but the problem for me lies in this being a movie about punk rock, but not being a punk rock movie. Everybody is a lamb, so tame and self-questioning. The Germs come off as as nice as, or nicer, than me, and far more conservative. When I first heard the story of Darby Crash, it made me uncomfortable. This highly, highly charismatic dude who uses his power to manipulate everyone around him into thinking he is a genius, knowing the whole while he was gonna abandon them all. In real life, he used real-deal mind control techniques derived from L. Ron Hubbard's Scientology, which his high school was theoretically based on, to coerce a group of friends and admirers into a cult-like clique young Darby named Circle One. He idolized Charles Manson, and Circle One was primarily female, and when punk came to Hollywood, this became the Germs fan base. See, in the time elapsed since the seventies, since the first punk rock movement, alot has changed. For one, nothing is musically shocking anymore. The most shocking thing is Lady Gaga because she is pop as fuck but says way iller shit, better said, than Britney Spears or even Saves the Day ever would. What I would consider shocking is a fully functioning real rock and roll band that is all new, all now, but fully aware of their place in American Cultural history. What else has changed is that it is definitely not cool to have minions anymore. It is very not punk rock. Using your charisma to manipulate yourself into a darling persona, no matter how deconstructed, is passe, and not fun at all. What's cool is a non-self aware self-derivative persona that would organically line up and be accessorized by one's own grasp of recent history, (re:pop culture?), and may the best person prosper. This movie is just fun. It doesn't really take you to any given dark side, or give you insight into the depths of Darby's depravity. It just has him as the best writer in his group of friends who managed to pull of some antics, and ended up taking himself too seriously, but it's, you know, based on a true story and so it works.

Interestingly enough, after the movie was made, Shane West, the dude playing Darby, changed his name to Shane Wreck and officially joined the remaining Germs (thirty years older!) to tour and play big corporate events like Warped Tour. I'm pretty sure that that is one big reason why Darby offed himself, so such lameness would never occur with the Germs moniker. If the real Darby Crash had any semi-spoken lyrical theme, anti-institutionalism would be a big one. Even though West looks like a prettier Darby and can emulate the sounds he made, it is a pretty big disgrace. Unlike the Ramones, who I would have happily seen at any age with any bassist (Dee Dee forever, though!), I would only wanna see the Germs with Darby Crash, preferably younger than 22. It's really not the music or lyrics that made the Germs so awesome, it was the conglomeration of what they were saying, when they were saying it, how they were saying it, and who was delivering the message. I like Darby's lyrics, but this is one subject on which I am jaded. I mean, I've heard it said over and over again so many times since, were the Germs really the first to lay that style of lyric down? If so, he definitely has a wildly distinctive lyrical voice that may rank as the most imitated in punk rock, and if so, and it would have been a brave artistic move to expose your pain and especially anger in such an open and vulnerable and visibly poetic way, especially when disco ruled the airwaves. So many years later, these themes and techniques Darby pioneered have been made crude, but his lines are still elegant and the work of a natural. I won't undersell him on this point: Darby Crash was hyper-intelligent. From a very young age he read Hitler, Nietzsche, Hesse, Crowley and crafted his philosophy, or non-philosophy. The real Darby Crash explains, "It's a way of life. Fascist is totally extreme right. We're not extreme right. Maybe there's a better word for it that I haven't found yet, but I'm still going to have complete control . . . One day you'll pray to me." The movie shows Darby using typed lyric sheets as his most frequent form of promotion. Such as:

I'm a lexicon devil with a battered brain
And I'm searchin' for a future-the world's my aim
So gimme gimme your hands-
Gimme gimme your minds
Gimme gimme this-
Gimme gimme tha-yea-yea-t...

I want toy tin soldiers that can push and shove
I want gunboy rovers that'll wreck this club
I'll build you up and level your heads
We'll run it my way-cold men and politics dead...

I'll get silver guns to drip old blood
Let's give this established joke a shove
We're gonna wreak havoc on the rancid mill
I'm searchin' for something even if I'm killed...

Empty out your pockets-you don't need their change
I'm giving you the power to rearrange
Together we'll run to the highest prop
Tear it down and let it drop...away...

There are some good scenes in the movie though. The Germs on air with Rodney on the ROQ is mega-cheesy and funny, and Darby dealing with his homosexuality is precious. This movie would have me believe that he died a virgin! One of the best, most punk aspects of the movie is the near inability of the actors to act. They are at like "Saved By the Bell" levels of acting ability, and that is one thing that makes it more real. Like in Chuck Klosterman says in his "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs," anything important is inevitably a cliche and probably doesn't reflect reality, but in (not) doing so it actually does reflect reality, which is not very real at all. Maybe the film makers are right on after all. If you watched the movie on YouTube (as I did) and you read the comments (like I did), you're bombarded by the holier-than-thou and punk-as-fuck who voice their insignificant opinions based on their punk rock pedigree that you would assume involves getting shot up by Darby himself, based on their self-righteousness, with Green Day's Billie Joe Armstrong as their sacrificial lamb. Don't mind their crassly-typed psuedo thoughts, they're neither here nor there. Some legitimate gripes would include that the Germs all look like models, with Lorna Doom being played by Bijou Phillips. The Germs were young and good-looking, but this layer of gloss would be an example of the bone of contention between the filmmaker and the wannabe complain-o punks. They paint drummer Don Bolles as a happy-go-lucky moron, but I understand he was the compulsive bad dude himself. More to the point, the movie has Darby singing into the mike whenever on stage. I think that the Germs are more well known for Darby's avoidance of the microphone than they are for Darby's suicide or their music. Plus, you could easily get thrown off by the ludicrous dialogue and its hackneyed, amateurish delivery, but why? This is a movie about the Germs, not "Pet Sounds".

"Annihilation Man" by Brendan Mullen

Watch "What We Do Is Secret"

Hot Stove! 11/12/09

2009-11-12T14:02:00.002-05:00

The Phillies have Placido Polanco, Mark DeRosa, and Adrian Beltre on their third base wish list, according to sources speaking to Jim Salisbury of the Philadelphia Inquirer. Salisbury adds that Chone Figgins and Miguel Tejada are also of interest, but to a lesser degree.

Salisbury notes Korean reports suggesting Chan Ho Park wants to start in 2010. Amaro has heard differently from Park's agent. Starting was a big factor in Park's decision to sign with the Phillies a year ago.

The Baltimore Orioles have expressed interest in Pedro Feliz. With longtome O Melvin Mora heading out at age 38, the Orange Birds (I just made that up) have their eye on several third basemen (including Adrian Beltre, Mark DeRosa, and Feliz), but only after the Phillies have had their pick. I would love to see Pete Happy stay in the area where I can watch him on MASN.

The Braves announced Tim Hudson's extension today, according to Dave O'Brien of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. He says it's a three-year deal worth around $9MM per year, with an option for 2013. Hudson's new deal overwrites the $12MM mutual option he had for 2010.

There's word that the Rays could look into Matsui if they move Pat Burrell.

The Cubs and Rays are still discussing a possible Milton Bradley-Pat Burrell swap, but it doesn't sound like the two sides are close on the money issue. One of the report's sources describes talks as "worse than Chinese water torture."

Pat Burrell, Rays. He's been linked to the Cubs in a possible Bradley swap, though the money doesn't match up and the Cubs would have to flip Burrell or else have ghastly outfield corner defense.

It's a possibility that the Yankees could re-sign both Damon and Matsui, since they still trust Damon's ability to play left field. Matsui, on the other hand, would again be relegated to DH duty, although Cashman notes that another team could view him as an outfielder. Based on comments we heard earlier today, that seems unlikely.

The Phillies are "intent on pursuing Chone Figgins hard," while the Mets are also fans of the Seth Levinson client. The Angels still hope to re-sign Figgins. Joel Sherman of the New York Post has more on the Mets' interest, explaining that moving Luis Castillo would make signing Figgins easier. Sherman thought another reasonable addition for the Mets might be Carlos Lee, but his idea was shot down by Ed Wade and a Mets official.

The Mariners have reached an agreement on a one-year deal with Ken Griffey Jr., according to Larry Stone of the Seattle Times. ESPN's Jerry Crasnick says Junior's new contract is similar to last year's. SI's Jon Heyman says it's a $2MM base with incentives that could exceed $1MM.

Get league-wide Hot Stove action at MLB Trade Rumors.

Go Phils! Gone Phil.

2009-11-10T13:22:00.001-05:00

The first Autumn leaf has done dropped from our Phils tree. Longtime Philadelphia right-hander Brett Myers will not be pursued to return in 2010. After seven years and 73 wins in red pinstripes, the noted hot-head will have a new uniform next year. I always liked Myers, a real red neck who was never scared of Phillies fans, no matter what he did. I liked how he explained his 2006 battery of his wife in Boston, saying he was just trying to get the drunk woman out of the room and it got rough, and that they were both drunk. I understand that. None of the alleged hair-dragging or hitting actually occurred, but Brett is a rough dude. Myers was raised by his father, a boxing promoter and hustler, moving from house to house on the wrong side of Jacksonville. Bad-ass. I like how he saved 21 games in 2007 and was on the hill when we won our first NL East Pennant since 1993. But he'll be in a different city next year, and that is ok. It is super-cool to see a player in any sport that is analogous with a city and uniform and then see him in a different context, a different color. (As long as you can see their face... it's considerably less cool in football or hockey, though the on field ramifications are the same.) It's also nice to not pay him twelve million next year. I hope Brett has a lot of success wherever he ends up pitching. My guess: Detroit What!

Also likely to not be on the roster next year, fan fave Matty Stairs just didn't get it done as well or as frequently as we needed him to, so some other big bruiser or strong righty will probably fill his role. Someone like Jason Giambi or Nomar, vets with good plate discipline for pinch hit situations will be pursued and Matt will be offered a minor league contract, if anything. I loved Stairs' two years with the Phils and his Moonshot in L.A. in 2008 will forever be a part of Philadelphia Baseball lore. He should go DH for some underprivileged club and bestow some wisdom on their young sluggers. My guess: Cleavland.

Our back-up catcher is still and always in flux. Chris Coste was never consistent and Paul Bako is older and even more feeble. So Bako is out and we'll be searching for an actually good backup backstop. Yorvit "El Terrible" Torrealba's name has been bandied about, and we all know it would be good to get him in the second string. If nothing else, he beat the hell out of us for the last two seasons. Too bad we've traded off all our catching prospects behind Chooch - Jason Jaramillo is playing in Pittsburgh and Lou Marson is now famously in Cleavland. Bako should probably retire.

Another guy we got no use for is Eric Bruntlett. Sure, his unassisted triple play was awesome, but that is seriously all he did all year. Any given utility man is worth a try, with Jerry Hairston Jr. being the prime dude. He can play well anywhere and is a serious bench threat. Definitely keep Ben Francisco and Gregg Dobbs on the bench and add Hairston, Torealba, and Giambi/Garciaparra and our second string is doing just fine.

With guaranteed starting pitching in Cliff Lee (picking up his 2010 option was GM Amaro's first order of off-season business), Cole Hamels (simply MUST be better next year than last), probable Joe Blanton's status pending possible arbitration (he'll still be a Phillie next year, he's an innings eater), J.A. Happ (let's see if he wins Rookie of the Year... he's possible trade bait), and Jamie Moyer (needs to go to bullpen), and Pedro Martinez not ruled out for a return bid (also must go to bullpen), Amaro has some decisions to make. So, the Blue Jays still wanna trade Roy Halliday. We'd get him for one year (then he's a free agent) and they'd almost certainly want Happ as well as one of our two outfield prospects and somebody thrown in for good measure. Lee, Halliday, Hamels, Blanton and... let's bring up vaunted prospect Kyle Drabek and on paper we'd have the best starting rotation in the major leagues, well worth the trade with a stacked two thirds young outfield, let's make that deal! And if Drabek still needs to marinate, give Kyle Kendrick or Andrew Carpenter the low pressure five spot.

In the bullpen, Lidge will remain, and it is almost impossible for him to not have a better season this year. Madson will be there. We're in talks to bring back Chan Ho Park, who really did do a good job once he was back in the pen. Scott Eyre is a free agent this season and about to undergo elbow surgery to have those "floating bodies" we've all heard so much about removed. He has stated that if he pitches next year, he wants it to be with the Phils, and we would love to have him, as he was the definition of solid all year for us. With Clay Condrey and Chad Durbin both up for arbitration, Amaro will likely have to cut ties with one of them. Most likely Condrey's smaller price tag and consistency will win him the spot, sending Durbin, a Philadelphia bullpen staple, out into the world. J.C. Romero should be up and running, and with wily veterans Moyer and/or Martinez out there, the pen isn't looking so shabby, if everybody does what they're supposed to... Brad Lidge. Nonetheless, we gotta stock up on possible pen arms for Spring Training and see who sifts out, with J.J. Putz coming off a lame year with the lame Mets he could be affordable and a good rebound, and any other mid-level high possible reward type guys should definitely get a look.

Now, our starting lineup... seven eighths of it will be back for sure. Shane Victorino and Carlos Ruiz are arbitration eligible this off season, and if last years players were any indication, Amaro will try and sign these two up for a while before any hearing takes place. Without Myers twelve mil, and this year we finally get to stop paying Adam Eaton and Geoff Jenkins, we can just pay our guys what they want and deserve. Chooch made an astoundingly low $425,000 this year while being absolutely invaluable behind and at the plate. Jayson Werth, Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, and Raul Ibanez all get raises (as does bench-man Greg Dobbs), and will all be happy and ready to win. J-Roll is of course set at short. The only man out is Pedro Feliz at third. The Phils declined his option and bought out his contract, looking to either pay him less, or more likely find someone who can field AND hit. Pete Happy's disgraceful post season was unacceptable, even to me. Los Angeles Angel's speedster Chone Figgins (pronounced Sean) is at the top of the list, but he is a lead off man, and that is not exactly what we need unless J-Roll or Sugar Shane drop to the seven spot. Adrian Beltre is next in line and possibly the best fit. He can field like Feliz and is a big hitter. Even ex-Phillie Placido "Jawbone" Polanco has been mentioned. Either way it'll be cool to get a little bit of new blood in the lineup and see Pedro successful somewhere else where they need a solid vet at the hot corner.

With our team in such a great position, I don't have any big wishes, most of our wishes are already granted, except to bring in another high-class starting arm, and the only one I respect nearly as much as Halliday is Joel Pinero. Either would greatly solidify the spectacle that is Phillies Basball. Entire coaching staff back next year. 91 days until pitchers and catchers report!!

Hussiskunk Punk Radio Top 25

2009-11-09T11:09:00.005-05:00

MOST PLAYED ARTISTS
Week Ending 11.08.09

1. Destructors666
2. Jonny Manak And The Depressives
3. Fed Up
4. The Pivot Foots
5. The Chuckies
6. The Headies
7. C.D. Truth
8. Pinhead Gunpowder
9. The Rogue Nations
10. Yesterday's Ring
11. The Dick Panthers
12. Werevilsdare
13. Dirty Boulevard
14. Ellen Degenerate
15. Ese
16. My Son The Bum
17. North Lincoln
18. Revenge Of The Mormons
19. Skinny Dick Jones
20. The Bomb
21. A.F.S.
22. Control
23. Disassociate
24. Fanshen
25. Kamikaze

That is correct! Two Madison Underground artists in Hussiskunk's Top 25, with Tit Patrol coming in at 35 and climbing! (I hope!) Congrats to my fellow Headies (21 spins last week) and Skinny Dick Jones (18 spins last week)! And, most importantly, drop Hussieskunk an email (request@hussieskunk.com) and request your fave Maddy tracks and help us reach the top! May I suggest The Headies - "Super Booty." Thanks everybody!

Hey Yankees...

2009-11-05T12:58:00.000-05:00

All is right with the world: the self-righteous have dollar-billed their way to the top, the free-market is triumphant! And we the poor are even more rich in spirit. Like Dem Bums from Brooklyn for all those years, I awake with a tussled 'stache and a steely-eyed, non-stop believement (patent pending) that "we'll get 'em next year." I feel very, very sorry for Yankees fans the world over. It must be tough living in that characterless and sideburnless environment. Yankees fans can be analogized to two siblings, a boy and a girl, raised by a celebrated military man who employs his successful battlefield tactics to home life as well. The boy buys in completely, sure that discipline and tough love are what's best for him because you do not question your commanding officer. He will never rebel because he reaps the rewards of being second in line to this nuclear patriarchy. The tradition of Yankee Blue. He believes in birthrights and so does his sister, spoiled, gorgeous but not beautiful, obnoxious to the world yet celebrated by her clan, herpes then inbreeding. The Yankees are the baseball embodiment of that button-down plastic fantastic Madison Avenue scene, the military-industrial complex, 2.5 children, weedin' out commies as the one's who can't afford to buy a cap. To be clear, it's not really about the money. In baseball, the front office must do anything they can, within the rules, to win, and one way to do that is to throw money at the problem, but I do not begrudge them that. Their big money aquisitions did not beat us. It was homegrown Yankees Jeter, Rivera, and Pettite, that insufferable Johnny Damon, and somber Matsui who got the job done. And for my two cents it was Brad Lidge's blown ninth inning tie in Game 4 that was the crucial loss for the good guys. We were not clutch at the plate (save for CHOOCH) and so they beat us. Still, I wouldn't trade any one of our guys for one of theirs. We win as a team and now we lose as a team, our team, the team I love, that I can not wait to see at Spring Training. But I do love to chew on sour grapes and now I have that oppurtunity. So, in the words of the immortal Tanner Boyle, "Hey Yankees... you can take your apology and your trophy and shove 'em straight up your ass!"

Madison Underground Vigilantism

2009-11-05T10:20:00.004-05:00

Could the News Journal and their online counterparts be any more feeble? No. Two nights ago my boy Murph foiled a mugging attempt outside his house in Browntown, and it seems they used stock copy to describe it, they were so off. For one, Murph is no "Good Samaritan" - he hates the bible!

The straight dope is as such: Murph got off work and had shot and a beer at the tavern of his choice, and came back to his cool new pad in the 500 block of South Harrison. His neighbors, two women were talking out on the porch so Murph, social butterfly that he is, was shootin' the breeze with them, when two men approached. One pulled a gun and demanded the three neighbors hand over their cash. Murph chose fight over flight or compliance and swacked the gun from the man's hand and away from the action. A fistfight, or as Murph nonchalantly put it, a "tussle" ensued in the street. Murph took a couple hits but ultimately won the fight with a bottle of Lowenbrau over the assailants head. The crooks took off, managing to get one lady's purse, which for some reason had her pin number in close proximity to her ATM card. It turns out the dudes used it to get three hundo from her account, but guess what? ATM machines ALL have video cameras these days, so they are still in hot water. I asked Murph if he got hurt at all and he responded with a smirk, "I got some scrapes on my knuckles from punching the dude in the face, but that's about it." When asked if he was scared, Murph reflected, "Yeah, but I really didn't have time to think about it. All I kept thinking was 'My mom is gonna kill me.'"

I for one think this is the coolest thing I've heard in quite some time, and confirms what we have suspected for quite some time: Murph is the Batman. So - Three-Two-One-Zero, Let's hear it for Murph, the hero!

Read the News Journal's faux journalistic take online, along with disgustingly racist, right wing comments.

The Good Irishman by Billy Frolic.

The Headies @ Mojo 13 on Friday the 13th

2009-11-04T16:15:00.002-05:00

Come out to Mojo 13 on Friday the 13th for more spoooooky fun with yer pals the Headies! Four bands total, but two of which had names far too long to cut out of the News Journal and Wizard Magazine.

And THAT'S Why They Call Him the Main Man!

2009-11-03T14:26:00.003-05:00

Dude, you gotta check these super-sweet Spidey's that the Main Man passed me to help while away my unemployment! He also gave Nikki a sweet "Glee" loser "L"/#1 foam finger (in association with Fox Media). That finger is too big to scan. In honor of the Main Man I'm gonna eat some hot wings.

Season of the Witch

2009-11-03T13:46:00.014-05:00

Awesome Halloween show at Paul's house... great music (Hot Toddy and the Wilmington Wastoids, Count von Count), great spread (hummus and cold cuts and all the desserts)! My only regret is that there are no Count von Pics in actions, as I was far too busy rockin' out to their Plow United cover set! Yup! You missed it! And they closed with a Tit Patrol cover! Wastoids shots by Nikki, all others by me.

Joanna Molloy is a See You Next Tuesday

2009-10-28T16:03:00.007-04:00

For all kids and oldsters reading, I'll forgo any foul language coursing through my spectacular brain. BUT, jeez, have you read any NY papers recently? While ESPN and the MLB network offer actual analysis into who their employees predict as winning this mega-heated Fall Classic, the major New Amsterdam newspapers print garbage that comes off as the whimperings of a once-feared bully whose victims have grown up and outsmarted him one too many times and who can now beat him up. I know all too well what it's like dealing with people/markets who can't keep up intellectually or physically, yet continue to run their mouths. I smile, hold moral high ground, and await my impending victories. But check it.

An arbitrarily chosen Flyin' Hawaiian is photo shopped in a "newspaper" cover that simultaneously degrades him, the Phillies, and cheerleaders. What is a cheerleader? One whose spirit is indomitable, believing even when all is lost. Yeah, Shane is a cheerleader, and so am I. Gotta problem with that? I'll arabesque yer ass. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, maybe a major NY paper is just saying that women in general are frivolous and to be reckoned with.

Even worse is what's inside. With what some have said is supposed to be funny, this Joanna Molloy broad decides to deride the city of Philadelphia as a whole with the excuse being that our teams are facing each other in the world series. Read it and... laugh? Do something...

PHILADELPHIA - Mobs of screaming people followed a green, pig-nosed monster around Philadelphia yesterday - and not because it's almost Halloween.

No, the huge displays of mass hysteria - first at City Hall and then at the magnificent 30th St. train station - came from Philadelphia Phillies fans incited by the team's mascot.

Mass delusion may be a better term for the phenomenon.

Believe it or not, people down here in Silly-delphia actually think the Phillies will beat the Yankees in the World Series, which starts tomorrow.

Did they also think Sanjaya would beat Jordin Sparks? That would be "American Idol," in case you watch too much baseball and not enough Stupid TV.

Fan after Philly fan expressed feelings like Joshua Robinson, who said, outside Tony Luke's restaurant: "It's gonna be a sweep."

Student Michael Francesco, claimed: "The Yankees have never played a juggernaut like this Phillies team."

And Louie Del Brocco, clad head-to-toe in Phillies gear, said: "The Phillies are supposed to be nervous about Sabathia? The faster he throws, the farther they go. The Phillies are totally going to win the Series. How do I know? I have ESPN. I watch the games."

Or is their insanity not temporary? Are they just plain cuckoo?

What makes this city of 109 neighborhoods - with names like Germantown, Fishtown and Swamp Poodle - unafraid?

Do they have anything besides the damn cheese steaks that we don't have?

"We have four PBS channels," said Linda Forman, who was reading Stephen Colbert's book in Rittenhouse Square. "And we have hoagies. Woo-hoo!"

"We actually say 'excuse me' when we bump into each other in the street," said Robinson, a Nordstrom's manager.

"The Penn Anthropology Museum has a wall of skulls, like, 4,000 to 5,000 of them," said native Joe Kaczmarek. Hmmmm.

W.C. Fields wanted his epitaph to say: I'd Rather Be in Philadelphia. Well, maybe it's better than being dead, but I'm not sure.

They do have the Mummers Parade on New Year's - but what about the other 364 days? They have the Mario Lanza Museum. And of course, there's Independence Hall, where Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin and their compadres signed the Declaration of Independence.

But that was so 233 years ago! What has Philadelphia done for us lately? And by the way we have the Magna Carta at Fraunces Tavern now, but New York has so much going on, people don't even know it's here!

Philadelphia produced Bill Cosby, but he lives in New York.

The Philadelphia Zoo has rare white lions, but we have a snow leopard right in the Central Park Zoo, with polar bears playing with beach balls.

The Philadelphia Art Museum has Picasso's "Three Musicians" and Van Gogh's "Sunflowers," but New York has just about every other great work of art.

There do seem to be some rather nice people down here, like Harold Honickman, a big shot in the soft drink industry.

The 68-year-old multimillionaire was just strolling around Rittenhouse Square - don't execs have limos down here? - when a nosy New Yorker asked him who he liked in the World Series.

He splits his time between New York and Philadelphia, and loves both towns, he said, adding with no hint of arrogance: "We have contracts with both stadiums, so we win either way."

Now, for me this is certainly not an ideological battle between two cities. If so, I wouldn't be involved. What this Molloy fails to realize (ONE of the things she fails to realize) is that Phillies fans are comprised of folks from the tri-sate area: Philly itself and the whole eastern part of Pennsylvania, central and south Jersey, and most importantly, Delaware above the canal. So, the countless comparisons - Statue of Liberty vs. Liberty Bell (the Statue stands proudly in New Jersey), 26 subway systems vs. two (of their 26 half can't arrive on time if they come at all), a billionaire mayor vs. one who lives on a civil servants salary, pizza/bagels vs. cheese steaks (no question, gimme Pat's! Prov wit!), and most tellingly population (of the cities themselves) are completely irrelevant trash talk. New York sucks and Philadelphia sucks a little bit less. They are both trash towns and really not to be lived in unless you gotta. I love the Phillies themselves, the game of baseball, and clean hard wins. The only nerve she hit was by dissing my boy the Phanatic, the greatest mascot in all of sport. Any ill words about the Phanatic are either uninformed, ignorant, or jealousy.

But the real point is that none of that wins ballgames. If it did, the Yankees would have been in the Series more recently and possibly always, and while I enjoy considering the personality of different MLB cities based on their culture, people, and team colors, it is not those things that determine who's a better baseball team. They call that a straw man: when you have no way to argue for why your team is actually better, you build a straw man (in this case what each city possesses) and then tear that down. Point made, right? Wrong!

I have previously posted the intangibles that give our Phillies the edge, and now here is what I think is gonna happen, tangibly. Cliff Lee will continue to be the smartest pitcher in the game and baffle Yankees bats. C.C. will have trouble getting the fastball by our line up and get roughed up with some jacks, specifically to right field, specifically by Ryan Howard. Jimmy Rollins will have a career series, possibly garnering the MVP. Jeter will be good, but A-Rod will go back to choke mode and come up flat for most of the series, like most big bats do against the Phils (see regular season Albert Pujols and Manny in the NLCS). Pedro will be sublime and set the stage for Cole Hamels to have a good game when we get back to Philly (at either 2-0 or 1-1), and Burnett is a joke that we will beat up on again (again, see regular season). Brad Lidge will not blow a save. The DH rule will be in our favor with Ibanez hitting while Ben Francisco plays left, or Matt "Moonshot" Stairs will get a chance to rip some out of the little yard in the Bronx. And Mega-Clutch Chooch! One of our wins will come against Mariano Rivera, in a statement walk-off to not just beat, but actually hurt our enemies. This will be a statement Series in general, and when we get back to it next year (at least one more), our opponent will not be the Yankees. Phillies in Phive.

What those NY papers are trying to do is over value the Yankee fan while devaluing the Phillies fan. Though I love the 1980 and 1993 Phillies teams, I do not care about what they did. All I need is right now, this team, these guys, me at 29 years old. Twenty-six Yankee Championships do not matter and neither do 10,000 Phillies losses. What matters is these seven games and how much you're gonna believe in your team. It's in our hands to be the better fans, let's do it, let's believe.

I-Fuckin'-Conic

2009-10-28T15:50:00.003-04:00

More from Bobby's increasingly iconic run of Phillies. This edition: Uncle Charlie and my second favorite cheerleader, the Sweet One, Shane Victorino!

Wastoids Wednesdays (As Seen In Spark)

2009-10-28T15:42:00.006-04:00

The Wastoids, surrounded by women, as usual.

Yes, I know tonight is Game 1. Yer tellin' me? The Wilmington Wastoids, and our leader Hot Toddy, support to our last breath the Fightin' Fuckin' Phils, and to a lesser extant, the Nation of Israel. Never the less, a booking is a booking and we will be shakin' it down on the stage at Homegrown Cafe on Main Street in Newark tonight. Two sets, one at ten pm and one at midnight, with Anne Frankenstein (with possibly a different name?) doin' it in between. We will have the Transistor Sister on stage with us for constant updates, and you can join us between sets at Margherita's Pizza to take in the game on full-color television. Go Phils! Go Wastoids!

Chooch and the Rally 'Stache

2009-10-22T15:07:00.007-04:00

Here is why we win: moral high ground, hard work on and off the field, the best fans in sport, super-human batsmanship, revenge (for 2007, 1977-78, 1993, and 1950), good, clean baseball - guaranteed to stick, we want the Yankees, home grown talent, brilliant General Management, West Virginian guts, swagger, "high hopes", WFC, non-stop believement (Patent Pending), a catcher who seamlessly blends the intellect of Niels Bohr with the work ethic of any given Panamaniac, and the rally 'stache. Soak it in Delaware Valley, never take it for granted, cry real tears, yell real loud, and STAY CLASSY.

For more Phillies portraits, check out Bobby Campbell!

This 'stache is dedicated to all Phillies everywhere, with special shout out to Huffer! "Phillies never say Philles are dead!" - the Main Man

Sorry Alyssa! (Not Really)

2009-10-22T15:02:00.003-04:00

I have long said that Alyssa Milano serves the same purpose for the Los Angeles Dodgers that your man Dan does for the Philadelphia Phillies, and now it is written who does it better. Sorry Alyssa, you are sexy, smart, and rich, but I am a dirty Phillie, see ya on the other side, sweet-cakes! Phillies in Phive! WFC!

The Adelies - "Show Your Teeth" EP Review

2009-10-22T14:32:00.002-04:00

Losing people you care about is really hard, and losing bands you care about is nothing to sneeze at either. In Please Kill Me, top flight rock and roll fan Bebe Buell was reduced to tears upon finding out that "Wave" was gonna be her friend Patti Smith's last record. She recalls, "I was like, "I don't want this to be her last record." I was more adolescent about my feelings about rock and roll. To me it was an incredible loss; I considered it a death in the family. Maybe they thought it was just the last record - "Big deal, I'm gonna go be a housewife now" - but I took it very seriously." It's strange how people can make music that means so much to so many people and then emotionally detach from it to a point where they don't care about it or even like it. For one major instance, take Plow United, the best band to ever come out of these parts. Not long ago, I had the idea to do a Please Kill Me style oral history of the Wilmington/West Chester scene, which during the mid nineties was cohesive and strong, full of great bands and personalities. The first person I ran it by was Joel Tannenbaum, bassist from Plow, as they were the font from which we all sprang. He sensitively shot it down, saying that it wasn't a big enough audience to warrant a book. Now, Joel is a professional writer and certainly has to worry about things like an audience, but I am an artist who works in the medium of words, and audience is the last thing on my mind when constructing art. In another instance, Tit Patrol played a horrendous gig at Bam Margera's the Note in West Chester not long ago and the sound (which was not the problem) was run by Tom Martin, most famously of Third Year Freshmen and also the force behind Throttle Jockey, the New Dance Show, and a long, long time ago, Fondle (with Joel from Plow), and he may have written "So What?" by Pink. We discussed old times briefly and he disclosed that he has given away all his old punk stuff, Plow paraphernalia, etc... I on the other hand have mine organized and vaulted and displayed and archived, never to part. It reminds me of why I do what I do. It meant something to me and still does. People could pejoratively say that I am clinging to the past, but fuck them, I've made no less then six full length punk rock albums since the millennium turned, I am a Now Man. It's simply that I recognize the worth and will not dismiss it. It's funny, to this day I can't tell you exactly why Plow broke up. I mean, I know that they wanted to go out at their best, and they did, but who dunnit and why?

I talked to Arik Victor, proprietor of Creep Records, where at Plow's records where recorded and on which they were mostly released, in around 1998, when Plow was broken up and their swan song Narcolepsy was recorded and done except for front man Brian McGee's vocals. They were pressuring Brian into doing them and doing them well, up to the standards we had all come to expect from McGee's one of a kind raspy voice. I asked him why it was so hard to get him to do them (I was totally drooling for that damn record), and Arik conjectured that Brian knew once the vocals were done, so was Plow, and Brian was having a hard time dealing with that. He even joined Throttle Jockey and then Super Hi-Five, indicating to me that he was not done with the scene. Sean Rule, the greatest drummer of all time, had a whole big life outside the scene and Plow. He was a teacher at our high school and engaged to be married, but still, upon Plow's disbandment, Sean approached Huffer and myself (whose band Ninja Attak had run its course) to start a new outfit with him, and Power of IV played with great success for four more years. So, without pointing any fingers, it would seem that Joel was in the driver's seat of Plow's end game. Bands breaking up is inevitable, and now Plow will always be great, so perhaps they had all our best interests in mind, but it hurt, damn bad. I'm adolescent in my feelings about music as well.

This summer we lost three bands that admittedly were never in the Plow escalon (Who is? Tit Patrol, that's who! Ha ha!) but nonetheless it leaves me with a feeling of discontentment. First to go was the Impatients. I was there at the inception, five girls picking up instruments and learning how to play them as they became a band. They played a handful of gigs and recorded some demos, which I have still never heard. They had some songs that were sorta Ramones-y or Cramps-like, and some songs that were more Melvins-ish, but it all had a pretty unique sound, lots and lots of low end, soft tone on the guitars, all played slow and deliberate, with a strong and confident vocal that went from low and disinterested to a screeching yelp. Their break up was maybe a little nasty, and I won't go too into details I can't confirm, but I can say with confidence that there were true creative differences, no bullshit. I know Tanya on lead vocals wanted a darker less tonally based sound and Ally and Jill, the rhythm section, wanted to continue to pursue a brighter, more pop-oriented sound. I don't know what guitarists Shawna and Marta wanted. So, Tanya, Shawna, along with Chris Crust, Ivan Frankenstein, and Ian Thrash have pursued their sound in a new outfit called Doll Fangs that I haven't heard yet, and Ally and Jill started a new rock and roll act with Devo from Sexon Horses and Sam from Cave Bats (I think) called the Chandeliers, and I'm waiting for them to lay some tunes on me as well. The Impatients was fun while it lasted, but a real shame that they never got past the neo-natal stage of being a band. I was always especially impressed with the dedication that Ally has to the bass and can't wait to see her explode!

Next was my fave, high school skacore by S.H.O.T., aptly anagrammed Super Humans Over Taking, who I've raved about many a time here at Danthology. These guys had the look and the sound and a great fuckin' demo recorded at the Big Blue House. I will always remember all their great sets this summer (their "Beat It" cover was the best) and miss them playing. They played a great mix of thrashy hardcore featuring lots of high end, gain, and virtuoso guitar solos and scratchy ska punk with gruff vocals and a tight, fast, rudimentary, kick-ass rhythm section. Like JFA and OPIV had a baby. They have a very legitimate reason for breaking up/going on hiatus, as they started college this fall, at different colleges no less. This one gets me because I would have loved to see these dudes fulfill their massive potential, they have alot of talent and authenticity. Hopefully they'll keep up music and we'll get them back in some form, maybe even intact!

Recently I was told that Ba-Durr! was on hiatus. You know Ba-Durr!, they play as frequently as Tit Patrol. Now, I'll say it right here that they are not allowed to go on hiatus. I can't go on hiatus. Tom von Count can't go on hiatus. It is a logical impossibility. Can't stop, won't stop! I'm sure it's Connor and Alex, who are lazy. Chris Ba-Durr! also plays drums in Powerstance and now in Tragic Johnson!! He is not lazy.

Also in Connor Ba-Durr! news, I have in my hands the rough mix of his other band, the Adelies', first EP, entitled "Show Your Teeth." I'd call it "Show Yer Teeth", but that's just me. They recorded it with the ex-Big Blue House boys, relocated out of Richardson Park to Newark. I preface this review with all that other jive because the Adelies are in some state of flux. They told me they were breaking up, something about Dragonball Z, I believe. But really, I think it is that old chestnut of going to college. BUT - Tit Patrol is playing with them at the Spot on October 24, so how broke up can they be? Anyway, the Adelies (pronounced Uh-del-eez) play third wave style ska punk, big and chunky, smooth and spunky, and most importantly catchy.

This record starts out very well, just kick drum and the vocals come in with possibly their best hook - "My best friend is a bottle not a knife. I'll never fuckin' cut myself because I love my life. And if it gets so bad that I don't wanna live no more, I'll drink a lot of liquor, cause liquor is the cure." On the surface this a very well delivered call to hedonism, completely lacking that cheesy voice most bands this poppy use, it is gruffer and actually in the vein of Leatherface, but the verse, which is that standard quick change A-E-D progression that the ska boys love so much, reveals that the point isn't entirely the bottle, but "not a knife", it's an alternative to violence against self and other, maybe even anti-war. This a pretty good plan, but I've found through personal experience that weed would be a better drug for the occasion, an actual cure. After the initial hook they engage in some Misfits-style "whoas" in a pre-verse musical interlude. The verse is the first drop to clean ska upstrokes, back to the hook with full band and loud distorted guitars on chorus, back to the same verse repeated, chorus again, and then it gets interesting. The tempo changes into a skiffle beat and the guitars go clean and played straight up, and best of all the saxophone gets very pronounced. This execution and the simple fact that the break is in there at all set the Adelies apart. This is a great songwriting maneuver, the chords in that great "Runaround Sue" progression, and the sax feigning "Blue Moon". Then it drops back to the kick drum/vocal intro hook and repeats with everything huge, up and down chunk palm muting, and gang vocals, ending with the Misfits "whoas" and slow it down on the last one for a big ending. Great tune, well executed, giving the ska punk fan the standard stuff they want and upping the ante song-wise to round it out and make it truly unique.

The next song starts with a clean guitar riff, reminiscent of the Smugglers, actually, which is rather high praise for a riff. Then the rhythm guitars in 1-4-5 and whole band kick in and the rough mix guitars sound awesome, unrestrained. I'll miss them when they are tightened up in mixing. The only way to increase the intensity would be to jump from the half notes played on the ride cymbal to quarter notes, like my man Marky Ramone. I think that the drums suffer the most from being in a rough mix, though you can pick out some nice high-hat work throughout. The vocals come in next with that Leatherface sound, but much poppier, perhaps a nod to Midwest beard-core. It also has that Sid con Carnie, Super Hi-Five, struggling to stay in key and it totally works - sound. In fact the slice-of-life, passionately delivered vocals fall into that comparison well. "There's a full moon out tonight. Just like the last one. I swear I'm gonna make it mean something this time. Newark is quiet, it's summer. And we should treat it just the same." The chorus is complex but very poppy. I think that the rough and gruff Adelies sound keeps it from achieving that bittersweet Jimmy Eat World feel, and that is a good thing, and the main riff pulls it all together. The second chorus is followed by a serviceable solo, which in the roughs sounds like a less confident Vindictives solo, complemented well by the nearly-in-key hollering over it. It rolls out very well, the main riff over and over with "It's a warm night out tonight, just like the last one," chanted over it. Very good tune, these boys seem very mindful of tempo, but I personally would like to see them push it a little and get song times down by a few seconds. Upping the intensity of this number would push it over the edge.

Next is back into full ska mode with an intro that reminds me of Wrenfield. Oh you don't know Wrenfield? Great songs, bad attitude, Ninja Attak used to play with them alot in the mid-nineties. Mike Cruz, Ninja Attak's drummer sat in with them and Mike Biankawanka was the songwriter/guitarist/singer. When I wasn't into drinking Natty Ice, Mike C. found a kindred soul with Mike B. who was not as cool as he thought, perhaps the greatest cardinal sin in the Bible of Dan. But, their songs were really, really good, and this intro reminds me thoroughly of them. It is also the first track on the disc with lead vocals from Connor and lots and lots of sax. Contemplative and poppy, catchy and very smooth. The pre/post-chorus is just harmonized "whoas", but the actual chorus is sweetly heartbreaking. It ends with Connor singing, in "na-nas", the main lead guitar hook, and after the music ends, Connor does a couple more sarcastically soulful "na-nas" and you can hear the band laughing. I hope that stays in, nice little ska love song.

Next is my favorite Adelies song live, as it starts with very upbeat drums and a clean tone riff, which again is very Wrenfield-esque. (I can make you a tape, live from Mike Cruz's basement.) I think the thing that does it is the use of major thirds... yeah I know about music, chump. Then the distorted rhythm doubles the riff before dropping to a half-time stall for the first chord of the verse pattern, which is something like G-Em-C, as seen on the new Riverdale’s in "Rocketship X-M" or the Headies "Teenage Heartbeat"... awesome progression. The chorus is my favorite Adelies thing. It's the main riff played repeatedly with the three Adelies vocalists harmonizing downwardly with each other over three bars til it looks like their gonna pass out and relieved by a series of "heys!" It is beautiful and effective, and they do it great, but this is the only point of the record where "tightening the screws" could be a good thing. It is a showpiece chorus and could be a hit, so nailing it isn't bad. But the point of rock and roll or its derivatives is not perfection and the sound comes across very well. After the second time through they drop into a very Jimmy Eat World breakdown for a couple of seconds but retrieve the Adelies sound with the sax and ska-stroked rhythm before one last big chorus and out. Really good song, but I just realized: needs more bass! Where you at Connie?

The last song on this five-songer starts with another great progression. That is a key to the Adelies, they certainly don't rest on standard progressions you've heard before a million times, nor do they just throw chords together for the sake of being unique. I can see them playing with it til it gets right. The progression here is almost old fashioned, and the sax helps with that classic feel. Then it hits with a quick breakdown with "hup-hup" and that tongue roll that all the ladies love. Then straight up third wave style verses with Connor vocals, full on chorus, and back to the breakdown, and repeat. Then a real-deal slowed down ska bridge with sensitive guitar work and great horn, building in tempo back to the chorus and out.

Overall I am really impressed and into this record. It's modern yet reminds me of mid-nineties styles that are still not just very good, but what people should be doing. The only drawbacks to having early edition rough mixes is that after some fine tuning I could probably hear more of what the vocals are doing, pick out more lyrics, and have a better grasp on the rhythm section, but that is neither here nor there, because the Adelies have really good songs. That's the important thing. If they were played on trashcans and cigar box guitars, they'd still be good. Each one has a hook and though reminiscent, is not reliant on any other tune, very original and sentimental yet tough. I for one hope that this is not the last record I get from these boys... and Ba-Durr! should record too. Lazy.

The Adelies minus Justin on Sax... where's my man at?

Bobby is a Phillie!

2009-10-19T12:50:00.003-04:00

Here's the story so far. We at Madison Underground Press support the nation of Israel and the Philadelphia Fightin' Fuckin' Phils! My man Bobby Campbell has a series of pieces on playoff notables that I hope continues to expand!

Black Bubblegum!

2009-10-19T12:42:00.004-04:00

The first half of the Headies recording sessions for their follow up to the million-selling "Sugar and Spice (And Everything's Fucked)" (Available on Interpunk) is complete. We spent the weekend at Second Story Sound in West Chester working with renowned producer Mike Bardzik and layed down seventeen tracks of drums, bass, two rhythm guitars, and saxophone. Still to come is all lead guitars, keyboards, tambourines, and lead and backup vocals featuring Grant and the Rad One from Tit Patrol, and maybe you! Well, probably not you. Fourteen songs will make up "Black Bubblegum" and hopefully be released next spring on twelve inch vinyl with complimentary free digital download card, and the remaining three songs are available for a split with some lucky band. Great work by Toddy, mc Ben, Billy Frolic, Wild Bill Kate, Mike Bardzik, and me! Ladies and gentlemen, commence drooling for this upcoming soul-punk epic!

Flu Shots Are Fun!

2009-10-19T12:36:00.001-04:00

So apparently there are two reasons circulating as to why Americans don't think they should get flu shots. The big one seems to be that the government-issued CDC numbers (36,000 deaths from the flu a year) are either inaccurate or vague. Some say that the numbers are fudged through the roof to create hysteria, the idea that if you don't get a flu shot you will die, in order to move more units. People say that the actual flu deaths are much, much lower. Physicians have commented that what the numbers refer to are flu and flu-related deaths. So the opposers retort, "Oh, flu-related deaths? They're bullshitting us! I don't need the flu shot to prevent flu-related deaths! Give me the flu-related vaccine, but you're not tricking me with this one, tricky government!" That is a common straw man tactic. Whether the numbers are 36,000 or 36, many refer to cases in which the patient dies from pneumonia, and the medical thought is that the flu made them susceptible to pneumonia, so if you didn't get the flu, you wouldn't have got pneumonia, and you wouldn't have died, in some cases. While I believe that the government is highly involved with being pitchmen for the pharmaceutical industry, and that the more they sell the better off financially they will be, that does not devalue the shot itself. It's like saying, "Man, look how good that Big Mac looks in that commercial! They're just making it look like that so I'll buy it!" No shit! It still tastes great, (and is way worse for you than any vaccination could possibly be, weakening your immune system and so on.) So, people think the gov't is trying to bilk more money out of them, (Even after paying taxes! Swoon!) and as a response decide the shot is a scam in its entirety. They also cite that it is often ineffective. Flu shots contain dead viruses of multiple strains, the ones predicted to spread in America, so if the predictions are off, the shot may not protect you against the strains that end up being common. But historically, the experts intuit at a better than 50% clip, which is worth putting your money on. You can get the flu shot and still get the flu, or you may have already had it and it comes on later. So, if you see past all the propaganda (right wing, though not clearly partisan, as nobody wants to get sick and die), the desire to not help the government or big pharm financially is not a good reason to dismiss the shot.

This brings us to my second point. With that trash thinking behind us, you'll probably think, "Well I might as well get it. Even if it doesn't help it can't hurt." And you'd be completely correct, but the second reason people don't want to get flu shots (other than a fear of needles, which is a legitimate phobia, I myself am scared of tropical birds) is they fear what is inside the needle. Well, there may be something kind of bad in there... a mercury-based preservative is used in many (more than 50%) of flu shots, specifically swine flu shots. Not great for adults, as any sushi fan will tell you, and the intake should be very limited, that is to one shot at a time over a period of weeks. Again, the Big Mac (and all our fave fast food burgers) contains carcinogenic preservatives and the production of beef is killing the atmosphere quicker and more effectively than any ol' can of White Rain, but we still enjoy them, responsibly, of course. And don't get me started on cigarettes! For children (I don't think any kids read me), it gets sticky. Folks like Jenny McCarthy (my all time favorite poster) think that the vaccination of children at a very young age (like the ones we all got) can lead to autism and other serious ailments in children. I think the jury is still out on that one, but like adults, parents should spread out the inoculation process if their doctor is over zealous or perhaps under qualified (and still more qualified than me, but I am up on things). But that's the only risk. As far as getting sick due to flu shots, it just doesn't happen. You can have the flu and get the shot and still get sick, cause it only prevents, doesn't treat. You can get the shot and come down with a different strain. You can get the shot and get strep throat or a cold or bronchitis or anything else, but the flu shots you get in America contain DEAD (inactive) virus, and will not get you sick. Caveat emptor: the shot may result in flu-like symptoms, and you may feel crumby for a short time while your system creates antibodies to help fight the actual flu, especially if it is your first-ever shot, so if that is enough to turn you off to possible protection from a possible actual flu, or you see no effectual difference between the full blown flu and flu-like symptoms, that is a personal decision. Worse case scenario, you get me sick.

That being said, of course, you can forgo the shot and still have a happy, healthy flu season, especially in my demographic. Generally healthy twenty/thirty/forty-somethings are at the least risk, and even if they get the flu will probably just get sick, be miserable for a few days, and then recover. People who should get the shot are those most likely to have a hard time recovering and may develop complications. That is little kids, preggos (women carrying babies, duh!), oldsters (senior citizens!) and anyone with immune deficiencies. For the rest of us, we are at liberty to use our best judgement. I myself love sticking needles in my arm. My good buddy (who will remain nameless, just in case) used to roll up around this time with a bag of flu shots and peroxide and cotton balls and latex gloves and hit all us punks up once in the arm. Man that was cool! The only reason I haven't been vaccinated is that I don't have the extra scratch to get it done, but as soon as I do: SPIKE!

Pull the Trigger!

2009-10-15T13:50:00.000-04:00

Do It! Kill that motherfucker!

Wastoids Wednesdays!

2009-10-14T14:22:00.002-04:00

Like you aren't already coming, Wednesday's hottest action is at Homegrown Cafe on Main Street in Newark, Delaware! Hot Toddy and the Wilmington Wastoids take the stage for two sets, one at 10 pm and another at midnight, with Skinny Dick Jones doin' his thing in between. If you have a shred of decency you'll come and boogaloo so we don't have to do it by ourselves! New WASTOIDS T-SHIRTS as prizes for punk rock trivia, featuring gold ink! (Thanks to King Eric from Tragic Johnson!) Exclamation point!

WFC

2009-10-09T13:56:00.000-04:00

The regular season is officially over and your Philadelphia Phillies have achieved the glorious: *threepeat!* National League East Champions 2007-2009 excelsior. It's a special kind of bittersweet. Gone now are the hot summer days of lazy afternoon games, the illusion that "this will go on forever", a masquerade that baseball plays well, too well say its detractors. That early July feeling when baseball stretches as far as the eye can see in every direction, that chanellable naivate from when the Phils still wore baby blue and maroon. That feeling that every team has a chance and so you'd better get well aquainted with the intricacies of every one, and you have all the time in the world to do it. October baseball is an entirely different animal. It's cinematic. The first world series I can properly rememer is the '89 Series between the Oakland A's and San Francisco Giants. I remember alot of games from earlier than that, but all Phillies games, hence no post-season. Anyway, the '89 Series is famous for the earthquake that took place before Game 3 and delayed play for ten days. It also housed such super-stars of the time as Mark McGwire, Jose Canseco, Will Clark, Ricky Henderson, and Kevin Mitchell. The 1993 season was my favorite until 2008. In 1993, the Phillies went to the World Series and lost to the Toronto Blue Jays, in dramatic fashion. I loved that team so much, and beating the Atlanta Braves in the NLCS was genuinely sublime. In Game 6 of the World Series, Phillies closer Mitch "Wild Thing" Williams gave up a Series ending walk-off home run to Joe Carter. I silently got up from the living room couch, walked down to my basement bedroom and went to bed with tears on my cheeks, though I'd relive it many times through the "Whatever It Takes, Dude!" Yearbook Video. The next year the Phils were back to their losing ways, and the infamous baseball strike disillusioned me right out of the game. Unlike Darren Daulton, I retired from baseball. I was in high school by that point, and I pretty much hated sports in general. It was dumb, but organized sports seemed diametrically opposed to the image I had of myself.

I got broken back into the sporting world by the Amazing Allen Iverson and the Philadelphia 76er's of the late nineties and especially the 2001 team that lost to the Los Angeles Lakers in the Finals. A.I. did things that were eye-popping and inspiring, seeming to tread upon invisible oxygen blocks and win games on his lonesome. From there the next, vital step was easy. The modern era of Phillies baseball started in 2001 with the addition of fan favorite and 1980 World Series Champion Larry Bowa as skipper, Jimmy Rollins first full season as the Phillies shortstop, and Pat Burrell's second year as a Phil and his first in left field. Some would-be crucial Phillies like Mike Lieberthal, Bobby Abreu, and even Randy Wolf had been around for a few years, but the great team we have today sprang up around J-Roll and Pat the Bat over the next half decade. After a disappointing 2002, the Phillies got a tune up with the trade of unpopular third baseman Scotty Rolen to the St. Louis Cardinals for sharp second baseman Placido Polanco, and to replace Rolen's "power" the Phils signed home run superstar free agent Jim Thome, previously of the Cleaveland Indians. This uncharacteristic huge signing, along with the promise of a new ballpark next season, and a particularly terrific series of Topps baseball cards got me fully back into the Great American Passtime. I saw Thome hit one out in person that last season at the Vet. It was awesome, when he'd come up they'd play the theme from the Superman movies. It gave you the idea that we might just be able to win for real, and for extended periods of time, and that we had something special that others did not have. Still, with all the improvement, the 2003 Phillies would finish in third place, well behind the long reigning Atlanta Braves and the second place Florida Marlins. Taking off from Philadelphia airport on my way to Clearwater Florida for spring break, I watched the Vet implode as I ascended above the clouds.

The 2004 lineup looked much the same with a much improved David Bell brooding at third base, and center fielder Marlon Byrd suffering a sophomore slump, but the bullpen, the bane of many a Phillies team, got some significant components. Rookie Ryan Madson pitched 52 games, won 9 and had a 2.34 ERA, and renowned hot-head Billy Wagner was a soild closer. Meanwhile, when Polanco went on the DL, we were introduced to another key offensive and defensive force of nature in young Chase Utley, who had played 43 games the year before and 93 in 2004. Utley performed so well upon his call up that Polanco was relegated to a platoon with the rookie. And Ryan Howard hit 2 home runs in 19 games, but had the big corn fed road block of Jim Thome in his way at first base. The Phils finished ten games above five hundred, same as the year before, but managed to place second behind the Braves.

2005 featured Chase Utley as the full-time second baseman as we traded Polanco to the Detroit Tigers for set-up man Ugueth Urbina, who ended up in jail for attempted murder with a machete and fire, but Chase was great. We added veteran Kenny Lofton in center field who hit .335 and briefly saw rule five aquisition from the San Diego Padres, Shane Victorino, in 24 games. The bullpen was strong and Billy Wagner saved 38, but the biggest renovation by far was the addition of Cleaveland Indians hitting coach Charlie Manuel as skipper, replacing Larry Bowa. While I was pretty heated as I saw the Phils improving every year, Uncle Charlie would become the lynchpin of the modern Phillies, and in 2005 we finished in second place once again, fourteen games above 500 now, and my man Ryan Howard won the National League Rookie of the Year in 88 games for a broke-thumbed Thome.

In 2006 the Phillies traded Jim Thome to the Chicago White Sox for the piece that would complete their outfield, hard-nosed dirtball Aaron Rowan. Shane Victorino played 153 games, the majority in right field for Bobby Abreu, and Abraham Nunez was a utility infielder and David Bell's primary platoon mate at third base. Carlos Ruiz caught 27 games as Mike Lieberthal aged poorly, and a young Cole Hamels made a splash with nine wins and 132 innings. Now a pretty good team, the Phillies still struggled to get over the hump, with young players and a shaky pitching staff, they finished in second place behind the now-hated New York Mets and only eight games above five hundred, but Ryan Howard followed up his ROY campaign by winning the NL Most Valuble Player Award.

2007 was the year everything came together. The pitching staff was greatly solidified with the addition of Jamie Moyer and rookie Kyle Kendrick, and Cole Hamels had a break out season, going winning fifteen while losing only five and had a 3.39 ERA. Brett Myers moved to and excelled at the closer role, and was on the mound when the Phillies clinched their first National League East Title since 1993 on the last day of the season, edging out the dispicable New York Mets. Shane Victorino took over full time in right field when we traded long time Phillie Bobby Abreu to the New York Yankees, and Carlos Ruiz became the starting catcher (with Chris Coste and Sal Fasano as the case dictated) after Mike Leiberthal went with Randy Wolf to the Los Angeles Dodgers as a free agent. The only true offensive deficit on the team was Abraham Nunez at third base, who played above average in the field, but was anemic at the plate. Jayson Werth played 94 games as the all purpose back up outfielder and J.A. Happ pitched and lost one game. We finished twelve games above five hundred and for the first time in fourteen years I felt the electric love that is post season baseball, only to have the Phils cough it up in three to a mutant Colorado Rockies team. The second longest-tunred Phillie Jimmy Rollins had an absolutely unblievable season and won the NL Most Valuble Player and Charlie Manuel's work was recognized with the NL Magaer of the Year Award.

Did somebody say 2008!?! Version 1.0 of the greatest Phils team since 1980 or maybe ever is Jimmy "J-Roll" Rollins at shortstop, Shane "the Flyin' Hawaiian" Victorino in center field, Chase Utley at second base, Ryan "Soul Pole" Howard at first base, Pat "the Bat" Burrell in left field, Jayson Werth in right field, new addition Pedro Feliz at third base, and Carlos "Chooch" Ruiz doing the catching. Cole Hamels, Jamie Moyer, Brett Myers, Kyle Kendrick, and trade deadline aquisition Joe Blanton were the rotation as Adam Eaton was one of the all-time flops. GM Pat Gillick, who along with his prodecessor Ed Wade had crafted this fine baseball machine added the finishing touch by trading speedster Michael Bourn to the Houston Astros for closer Brad "Lights Out" Lidge, who did not blow a single save oppurtunity in 2008 in 41 regular season attempts. Along with notables like Greg Dobbs, Eric Bruntlett, Matt Stairs, and Geoff Jenkins off the bench, Charlie Manuel led these heroes of ours to a 92-70 record and their second straight NL East Title, past the Milwaukee Brewers in the Division Series, past the Los Angeles Dodgers in the Championship Series, and past the Tampa Bay Rays in the World Series, with Cole Hamels winning the NLCS and World Series MVP Award.

Harry Kalas definitely said it best, "The Philadelphia Phillies are the 2008 Champions of Baseball!" He said it with alot of class, the best voice in the game, he was the epitome of what a Phillies fan could be. But Chase Utley said it in a way we could all understand. "World Fucking Champs!" We Phillies have two World Championships to the New York Yankees twenty-six. They've been the World Champs twenty-six times, but they've never been World Fucking Champs, and anybody's who's been World Fucking Champs knows there ain't nothin' better.

Version 2.0 is very similar, the only dude missing on the field is my mom's favorite Philly, Pat Burrell, who was not resigned after a long term deal ended in 2008. Ruben Amaro made a splash as GM after Pat Gillick's departure by signing veteran left fielder Raul Ibanez. The move was met with many a raised eyebrow, but Pat the Bat absoultely floundered as Tampa Bay's new designated hitter while Ibanez posted carreer numbers, particularly in the first half of the season while J-Roll battled a mega-slump. Off the field, Harry Kalas passed away in our nations capitol early in the season, giving the Phillies all the more motivation to win it again. Brad Lidge was also not "lights out" anymore, leading the league in blown saves (11) and consecutive losses (8), but the team is so good that they managed to win one more game than the previous year, led by Ryan Howard, Ibanez, and Jayson Werth, who posted amazing numbers in his first year alone in right field, as well as Amaro smoothy pick-ups 2008 AL Cy Young Winner Cliff Lee and a man who needs no introduction, simply known as Pedro. To a true-believer like myself, this was no big surprise, but take it for granted I do not. We won our thrid straight NL East Title and once again face the Colorado Rockies in the first round, payback series! With the (metaphorical) guardian angel of Harry the K looking down on us (or out from us in an internalized memory of a great voice and fan), I do nothing but believe. As our boys practice and concentrate and eye up that tiger, I believe. Not in god or heaven or fairness or sports; I believe in the World Fucking Champs.

Where Do All the Hippies Meet?

2009-10-09T13:30:00.004-04:00

Hey! You live in Philly? Go Phils! And come see the "punk rock power pop with snotty vocals" of the Headies! Tonight at 9pm at the Tritone, 1508 South Street! They got pierogies!

The Headies - Huge in Germany!

2009-09-28T11:46:00.002-04:00

Another review from the old country! Dude, I'm not sure if google translator is all it's cracked up to be, but here is what the Ox-Fanzine thinks about the Headies first EP, "It's a Superman's World." (Available on Interpunk.com and CDBaby.com).

Humph, nevertheless, eight songs, of it two covers, this is rather a better EP, or? If there is the whole, however, for the small price and with cool songs, goes already to order. The HEADIES (so shots in the head are called, by the way, in the "Killerspiel" jargon proved my Google search) from Delaware play classical punk rock in DESCENDENTS-and QUEERS kind and can be only convincing so of course. The cover are "Indian giver" of the RAMONES and " High on drugs " from the solo record of Metal Mike (ANGRY SAMOANS). This fits of course like the fist on the eye, and who is a fan of the tape called in the course of the text, can access without hesitation, all the others can sound the complete album before on cdbaby.com/cd/headies. There is a point Deduction for the length or shortness of the album (7)

Cool! A seven out of something! Usually we get one word in German or French that translates to "horrible!"

Quote of the Day

2009-09-28T10:06:00.003-04:00

"People love superheroes. We live in a world where we've been told that the ice caps are going to melt and the pedophiles are going to get your kids. Everything's hell - if the [terrorists] don't get us, something else will get us. Comics are the one place that remains with this kind of utopian, hopeful, positive view of human evolution of where we might end up. I think that it's beautiful. We need people like us to keep saying, 'No, what if we become super-good? What if we go for the future? What if we stop pandering to the worst aspects of the human nature and start leaning toward the best aspects of human nature?' That's what comics represent."

-Grant Morrison, Wizard Magazine 216, October '09

Annie's Deli

2009-09-25T15:52:00.006-04:00

Bad news for Wilmington... due to the lagging economy, my beloved place of business, Annie's Deli (11 Sanders Rd. Elsmere DE) may soon be out of business. SUCKS. I get paid like a Mexican grade schooler, but like most of my life decisions, I did it for the art. I wanted to know the secrets of the finest Jewish themed sandwich, the Reuben. So, get 'em while they're still hot, schmohawk!

All this and more available! Click menu to enlarge! Order up and have a genuine punk rocker make your sandwich!

Public Option Duh!

2009-09-25T14:18:00.002-04:00

I could sit here and give you guys 1000 eloquent words as to why we need the public option in whatever health care reform takes place, but it would all come down to the same thing: don't be a selfish dick who believes right wing lies. I've wanted government funded health care since I lost mine when I ceased to be a student, and even a little bit before due to the common sense angle. If there was a such a thing as a slippery slope (which I do not believe in, even when I could use it for my point), then next thing you know paying for a fire department to put out fires in low-income areas will be the next thing billed as "socialist." I don't give an F about the free market, but having the public option (keyword: option!) would not violate anything innately American, while denying people in need is anti-American, read yer Statue of Liberty! Penn State (a public institution) did not push Harvard (a private institution) out of business, and neither would publicly available health care. It would just become another arbitor of the class system. Dig this: publicly available health care would not steal business that doesn't deserve to be stolen. THAT is the free market. I will not abandon my private health care for public, because no matter what I do I can't get private health care, because I was depressed in 2005. It's for people who need it, so grow a pair of morals and simply make your voice heard to help your fellow Dan. In Delaware? Give Senator Carper a call and let him know "real health care reform must include a real public health insurance option that's available immediately."

Senator Tom Carper
202-224-2441

Call now! I just did!

Long Lost Videos - The Headies High School Graduation

2009-09-21T10:41:00.003-04:00

Dig this one! Last June the Headies played a High School Graduation in like Bear or somewhere. It was genuinely wild, as the kids were very "Brand New-ish" except for Rev. Rachel who booked us. She is punk. But there were like eighty underage kids and pizza and pop, so you know the Headies had a good time! Check out the New Found Glory banner behind us!

"Markle"

"I Don't Believe in Magic Now"

"Do the Gremlin"

"Betty is a Pill-Popper"

Long Lost Videos - Jambox Opening for the Queers

2009-09-21T10:36:00.003-04:00

That Jambox opening up for the Queers (along with Tit Patrol and Jake and the Stiffs) @ Mojo 13 a couple years back.

"Blue", "Spazzapality", "Secret History of Rhythm and Blues", and "Please"

And here we are at St. Mary's in Philly 2006. Beware, this is not the Jambox line-up we record with... featuring Officer J.P. on the skins!

"Freedom or Security?" by Plow United and ""Kim Kelly is My Friend"

Long Lost Videos - First Headies Show

2009-09-21T10:30:00.004-04:00

Billy Frolic recently made available these archival Headies vids from our first gig. It was a fill-in for the newly disbanded Jambox at the Mean Fiddler in Times Square. These people couldn't have cared less about us, but this two-girl euro-pop burlesque act did open for us which was kinda cool. Dig our freshness and minimalism!

"Let's Sit Around" and "High on Drugs" @ the Mean Fiddler in NYC

"I Wanna Drown" and "Super Booty" @ the Mean Fiddler in NYC

Hussieskunk Radio

2009-09-19T12:37:00.004-04:00

Hey radio-heads! Be sure to tune into www.hussieskunk.com, punk rock internet radio to hear all your favorite Madison Underground Releases. In fact, feel free to e-mail Radio Master Matt (matt@hussieskunk.com) and request the Headies, Tit Patrol, and Skinny Dick Jones! It's new and improved and so could you be!!

The Young Ones - "Sick"

2009-09-18T13:42:00.001-04:00

Stupid lame American copyrights make youtube suck. Enjoy in four parts.

Tiger Hunting in the 1940's

2009-09-17T13:30:00.002-04:00

I'm experiencing wild mood swings. Not like my long standing manic depressive style, but hour to hour, which I can only attribute to my fever. Like, one minute I feel that cold claw of depression on the back of my neck, highlighting the pointlessness of a day spent trapped in bed and why would you go out anyway it is as grey as London out there. The early DuPonts were known to have said they chose to settle along the Brandywine because it was reminiscent of their French Countryside, and I guess Chateaux Country still holds that feeling, but as I look out the third floor window of my flat I feel like I reside in the British Isles somewhere. Not as much as when we lived at Delaware Circle in Newark though... our backyard looked just like the Young One's! But then the next minute I am inexplicably overjoyed over any little thing. Utter contentment just knowing that the Phillies are playing tonight or that I might put on my New York Dolls "All Dolled Up" DVD.

Not lending to a healthy mindset in anyway, I just watched "The Science of Sleep" on HBO. It's by Michael Condrey who did "Dave Chapelle's Block Party" and "Be Kind Rewind" but most notably "Eternal Sunshine." I really liked that movie ("Eternal Sunshine" that is). I was nearing the end of a relationship with my college girlfriend when I saw it. She loved me very much and I was an alcoholic punk rocker, which, though very cool, was not at all conducive to nurturing a relationship. Anyway we had alot of good and dramatic times and the "Eternal Sunshine" choked me up, but good. "Science of Sleep" is equally as disconcerting, but in a different way. It's about this dude who kinda reminds me of Sandro B. He was also the actor who played Che Guevera in "Motorcycle Diaries." Anyway, he is an illustrator who moves to France to get a job after his father's death in Mexico. He is mentally unstable in that overly creative sort of way. He has a very hard time distinguishing between his dreams and waking life, and his dreams are portrayed throughout the movie in a visually stimulating puppet world. So, he falls in love with his neighbor Stephanie, who is unique and unconventionally attractive and French and some sort of crafts genius. His awkward and amazing overtures for her affection work rather well, such as making her a present of a "one-second time machine" which allows you to go one second forward or back in time and really works, and mechanizing this puppet pony she has so it can gallop about. She has feelings for him, but holds back a bit, which he can't take, constantly breaking down and acting out. For instance, at a party in his honor for getting his cartoon illustrations of disasters published in calendar form, she refuses to hold his hand and dances with a dirty Frenchman, causing him to get plastered, drinking right from the tap. When he is passed out drunk, she tells him she loves him. But he (his name is Stephan by the way) don't know that and spazzes on her the next time they meet, furious for making him feel so insecure. She asks him out on their first proper date so they can discuss everything, but on the way he encounters a vision that tells him she stood him up and will never care for him, which he believes and runs to her apartment to confront her, even though she is at the cafe waiting to meet him for their date. He slams her apartment door asking how she could forget about him and runs into it, busting his head wide open. At this point in the film I had become pretty sure that in no way was he going to end up with her, even ambiguously. He pretty much decides the same and prepares to move back to Mexico, but upon his mother's insistence he goes to say goodbye to Stephanie. She is receptive to a good good-bye and notes that they have unresolved issues. Stephan however can't deal as usual and makes crass jokes about her boobs and insults her crooked French teeth. She asks him to leaves but instead climbs into her bed and convulses when she won't touch his hair until he sees, nooked away in her bed, his gift of the "one second time machine" and a project of her's he had assisted with earlier, a felt boat with trees in it, adrift on a cellophane sea. He instantly is asleep and they ride the giant mechanized pony to the boat and sail away with her embracing him. And that is how the movie ends. When he wakes up maybe she'll have the cops there or maybe they'll do it, but that is my American Detroit Greaser mentality and I'm sure neither of those would have happened, but we'll never know. The whole thing was like a cinematic Belle and Sebastian album, and unlike "Storytelling" the actual cinematic Belle and Sebastian album, this one didn't suck. (Really, Todd Solonz, "Welcome to the Dollhouse" was awesome and everything else has been total crap.) So all that swung my mood somewhere weird, and I have a fever and the flu.

The last time I had the flu was the Blizzard of '96. It was early January 1996 and there was a school dance at Sallies. I decided to go home with my best friend and bass player in Ninja Attak, Brendan "Huffer" Huffman afterwards and spend the night. Little did we know that it would snow five feet that night and I would be snowed in for days. Now, it was all good and I love the Huffman clan, but they aren't the kind of family to have Pepsi reserves in case of blizzard, or to have soda at all of any kind, so we were running shy on supplies, and I was without any nasal decongestant spray to which I was already addicted, and we slept in the furnished basement which was wildly drafty. We wiled the days away watching Ramones videos, writing songs and watching "the Seven Samurai" and one night something significant happened. So, Brendan and my girlfriends were best friends too. In fact, it was at Heather King's sixteenth birthday party in Mullica Hill, New Jersey the previous August that Bren and I, and Pam and Bridget were attending that afterwards I told that Huffer that I "like-liked' Bridget and in fact was gonna ask her out. I talked about this night with my man Toddy last week or so and he commented that that was the night my life began. And in a way he is absolutely correct. Just as the Bible talks about how Jesus was born to die and fulfill the prophecies, I began that night my process of fulfilling the prophecies of the Mr. T Experience and Plow United, and all previous experiences of the '93 Phils and Aerosmith concerts and Mandies became Old Testament. So, an epic (in my eyes) occured between Heather's b-day and that night snowed in at Huffer's, but that's neither here nor there. The important thing was that night after Brendan talked to Pam, the phone was handed to me and Bridget awkwardly broke up with me. This badge of honor would define me and undoubtedly added to my punk rockedness over the next year plus, and by the time the snow had melted and Bren's parents met my parents at the Churchman's Borders parking lot to get me home, I had the flu, back to my own drafty basement and my own Lookout Records tales of doomed romance that I now fully understood.

I've listened to so much punk rock and other music since then, I have no one emotions set for any records. That is, I can't be like, I have the flu and and drafty and it is shitty out so I'll put on "Our Bodies Ourselves" or I am happy and carefree and it is perfect out so I'll put on "Maniacal Laughter". The way my synapse fire in response to music is a complex tapestry indeed, and there is only one cure-all, one never-fail, double-fudge, thin crust motherfucker band, and that is the Ramones. But I am and artist, and when I paint my neurosystem with music, I don't just use the best or I'd get a similar result every time, and that's hardly stimulating. So... fuck it, I'm putting on the Ramones.

Who I Wanna Fight

2009-09-16T11:09:00.005-04:00

I'm sick and sitting here and pissed off and thinking about people who I wanna fight. Top two: Jorge Posada and Kanya West. Did you see that Yankees/Blue Jays brawl? It's good cuz it gets us back to remembering to vehemently hate the Yankees. Why, I had even routed for them over the hated Red Sox this season, due to the success of those Beantown Femmes in recent times. There is no team I hate more than the Red Sox and I wish their curse was eternal. Even more (way more) that I hate those Sox do I hate Red Sox Nation, the conglomeration of assholes, only some of which hail from Boston, who grasp at the same kid of moral high ground that I do with my Phillies, except I achieve it! But after last night's fiasco, summed up as such: two Toronto batters were hit by pitches, so you know what's gotta happen right? Jays pitcher Jesse Carlson threw behind Yankees batter Posada and Posada had some words, like "Don't do that!" or something. Jorge worked a walk and upon scoring on a Yankee double he clipped Carlson who was backing up the play at the plate. Just gave him a little shoulder, like in the hallway at Sallies. And like in the hallway at Sallies, Carlson faces him as asks "WTF!" So Posada charges him and the benches clear, but not in that great baseball kinda way, like shoving your opponent around and what not, but real, mean, street fightin'. Classic Yankees Class. Your pitcher hits two guys, one of you will get hit. Be a man, be a ball player. GOD DAMN I WANT THOSE YAKEES IN THE WORLD SERIES!

And King Douchebag of America, Mr. Kanye West. I KNOW y'all saw him grab the mike from that cutie-talented Taylor Swift at the MtV VMA's. Remember when she sang the National Anthem last year in the World Series? Reading's Own!! And she played guitar along with it and it was by far the best Anthem of the Series, topping both Hall and Oates, as well as the Backstreet Boys (down in Tampa, of course). Anyway she was the first country artist to win Best Female Performance or whatevs and asshole just goes up on stage, grabs the mike and exclaims that Beyonce has made one of the best videos of all time. All right, I don't care, but here is what I woulda done. Before he said three words I woulda grabbed that mike outta his hand, told him that nobody gives a fuck about his oppinion, that the stage is for musicians who can play something other than a computer and that his is a gay fish. But I'm pretty sure that if Tit Patrol or anyone with a band or a dick or over the age of 18 was up their he woulda been too scared and just blogged about it later. What a douchebag!

DDT Did a Job on Me

2009-09-16T10:15:00.000-04:00

This is that time of the year, usually starting around those Dog Days and stretching into early fall time where and when something bad happens to me physically. Two years ago I sliced open the middle finger on me left hand whilst opening a vacuum sealed filet for preparation at Dead Presidents where I worked. I sliced it real good, all the way down to the bone and miraculously I missed the tendon, so I could flex it and spurt blood out and you could watch the tendon contract and the bone do it's thing in there. Though the record for highest blood spurt at Dead Prez still goes to my man Master Ray who hit the ceiling. I got it stitched up and was cool as a cuke, except for when the clinic doc told me that I may lose some flexibility in it. Well, that is my fret hand and as you know I wanna be the Johnny Thunders of my generation, who was the Chuck Berry of his generation, so I started to sweat and me blood ran cold, but I bit the bullet and was back to playin' even with them stitches and lost no mobility at all.

Last year I was happily unemployed and doing some work for my ma and dad on their beautiful lawn. I was removing some poison ivy out from under an azalea, paying very close attention to the ivy and sleepin' on the azalea's branches, which poked me directly in my right eye and tore my cornea. I went to that hot stuff eye doctor in Greenville cuz when I was a baby I abrased my dad's cornea with a stick at Rockford Park, and that's where he went. They told me I was unlucky it was a branch and would have been better off if it was an antenna or guitar string, cuz an organic abrasion heals slower and relapses more often. Plus it hurt like a son of a bitch. Plus I got alot of poison ivy all over me too! I had to pull out the bottom eyelid and load it up with cream and patch it off like so much pirate. Once in a blue moon if I don't get enough sleep or it's very smokey around or Hondo gets up in my puss it hurts like it just happened.

So this year I saw it coming. In fact I saw it coming for years! When I was twenty-two my wisdom teeth started coming in. The dentist told me to get them out ASAP or they would foil my naturally beautiful smile (No Braces!). Of course I did nothing except wait a handful of years (during which time they came in without incident, as I have a big mouth) until one night I was watching the Phils (Go Phils!) and eating a Cinnamon Toast Crunch Milk and Cereal Bar when my back Wizzy busted off in half. I had these little spikes like a king's crown in the back of my mouth and I couldn't stop tounging it. I went ahead over to the dentist and they did a panarex, and x-ray of me whole noggin and found that those Wizdumb teeth was so far back that I couldn't properly brush them and they were rotted out and must come out or they'll hurt me, cavity-wise! So we did it. I was nervous, but I really enjoyed the intravenous cocktail they served me, and I REALLY liked the post-op percocet and ice cream! It all healed up pretty good, just in time for me to hit the beach down in Fenwick and fall asleep on my belly reading "Please Kill Me" for the fifth time and burn the shit out of me backside. I am currently leaving skin everywhere I go. But that ain't my problem now...

My problem now is I got the flu. That's right the flu, like a school kid. The Headies played in front of a couple hundred people last Friday at the Spot on the night of the Wilmington Art Loop, and I'm pretty sure someone got me sick there, probably some dirty chick who I thought was coughing from cigarettes but prolly got the H1N1 or some such thing. I feel like I got hit by a truck and it's messin' up my emotions a bit too, but it doesn't really matter, because just like all of my previous August Ailments, I got outta work, and that is what's important!

Glee

2009-09-15T15:38:00.000-04:00

Do you like tv? No? WTF's wrong with you? Are you a commie? Remember when you could hash out commies simply by tap-dancing around if they had any interest in baseball, and if not: PINKO! Now no one's a commie and everyone's accused of being a socialist. Like that's not preferred! See, I am a punk, and hence hate all capitalist pig-dogs, Ronald Raygun, Mags Thatcher and their slimy ilk. I wish someone was really trying to get socialism off the ground in the U.S. and A., even in little steps. I haven't had medical insurance since I was in school, and I can't even get Blue Cross cause they say my "pre-existing conditions" make me a risk, that is that I did some time in the Looney Bin and was on anti-depressants for a couple years, so like, right now I am really sick, a little dope sick (sike) and I got a cold too, so I treat myself with NyQuil and bananas. Meanwhile, our friends in the 20 Belows from Denmark just roll in and get taken care of at the clinic or what have you, all on the government, but a lot of American Idiots would tell you that they are lying and they want to undermine the Wild West Free-Market Cluster Fuck that is American economics. I wish a motherfucker would! But that's not important. In his "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs" Chuck Klosterman argues that anything important is inevitably a cliche and probably doesn't reflect reality, but in (not) doing so it actually does reflect reality, which is not very real at all. Which brings us to my pick for Fall TV watching, Fox's "Glee."

"Glee" seems to be a spectacularly named hour dramedy meant to capitalize on a very underestimated market: adults who love High School Musical, i.e. Me. It's about a high school Spanish teacher who, upon the firing of an underwhelming Glee Club sponsor for sexual misconduct, inexplicably takes over and dreams of returning it to the glory days of 1993, when he graduated and the Glee Club was the most popular clique/activity in school, the arbitor of cool, if you will. His nemesis is the intimidating Cheer coach who's team brings in big bucks for the school and hence is treated very well. The club is initially made up of the school's arty freaks, a kid in a wheelchair, a gay dude, a big black girl, a stuttering Asian chick, and the star, a unique and uber-cute young lady who knows she's a star but is also aware that her school hates her for being different, and probably being better. Recruitment for the club goes atrociously, leading to the teacher (Will) planting weed on the hunky and popular quarterback with the secretly amazing voice (Fin), thus blackmailing him into joining. Hence, just like in HSM, the status quo is put on it's ear, and cutie singer girl (Rachel) gains confidence if not popularity and sets her sights on winning Fin over to her side of "reality."

Fin is a great character. He is kinda dumb, but it's probably an act, and was touched by music, particularly classic pop rock like Journey while spending time with his mom's boyfriend, a rocker dude who paints dead lawns green. He dates the head cheerleader (Quinn, like in "Daria") who is also president of the abstinence club and only lets him dry-hump her, or as they call it "grinding" and the only way he can keep from cumming early is to revisit a shocking memory from his past, when he was practicing driving and violently running over a mailman. In the second episode Rachel woos him and they share a kiss (a hot one at that) and the mailman rolling over his car and shattering his windshield came a little late. The second episode ends with Quinn and her cheer pals succesfully auditioning for the club to get in a sabotage Rachel's plans and dreams.

It's alot like HSM in that people sing their feelings, but it's always a pop song of almost any genre (Journey, Kanye, Grease, etc...) and it is way more surreal and raunchy than Disney could ever be. It is sexy and fun, and we want Will to get a divorce from his lying wife who doesn't have music running through her veins like Fin and Will and Me. Very much High School Musical meets Judd Apatow comedic sensibilities a la Freaks and Geeks. Watch and love, unless you're a commie... how 'bout them Yankees?

"Glee" Wednesday @ 9pm on Fox.

Lady GaGa @ 2009 VMA's

2009-09-15T15:24:00.001-04:00

I am punk as fuck and Lady GaGa is my girl! If she ain't yours you is lame! Here she is channeling the New York Dolls and the Heartbreakers (you'll see, fans of Roberta Bailey) making everybody else look like their phoning it in (except Taylor Swift, of course!). Pop is just not this aggressive, that's why the Headies and Lady GaGa are the champions of the burgeoning Meta-pop movement. It seems a bit odd to explain someone who has had all these hit singles to the world, but sometimes I think the world don't get it, except for maybe Metal Mike. No lip sync here, Andy Warhol would be proud, and I shed a little hidden tear due only to the ferocity and melody that GaGa delivers for what we can achieve with layers... wait for the GaGa/Headies mash-up split 7" this winter from Madison Underground Records! Here's to little girls and artistry!

2009-09-15T14:56:00.000-04:00

It was weird not having the internet in 2009. Like when I wanted to know (after watching House Husbands of Hollywood on tv) if Billy Buckner had played anymore after his all-time World Series foul-up in '86 but couldn't access baseball-reference.com, or what projects Zac Efron has coming up and IMDB was nowhere to be found. The Headies did a show last Friday at the Spot in conjunction with the Wilmington Art Loop, Deco Design, Holy Dirt and whoever else, and I did a theoretic homage/What If? as Zac Efron in a remake of "Jailhouse Rock." I was very sexy! But no nets was weird... I stayed up late to watch MLB network until they showed all the standings and then I'd buy the Snooze Journal the next day as well. Now as you well know, I haven't a Twitter account nor a Facebook, etc... and you may say, "Dan, do you even think you have some sort of Ludite moral highground when you are a blog-aholic, addicted to sweet blogahol?" or "Are you not embroiled in your precious Millenialism with your Lady Gaga and your Gossip Girl? What gives?" And I guess I don't, nor for once am a striving for it! Because in the internet's absence I developed a better method of Tweeting. I simply write my thoughts down on strips of construction paper, such as "Changing my D string" or "The best way to quit drugs is take 'em all" and then drop them out the window of my apartment on the third floor. That way the dudes at Greenhill Auto always know what's up. And Zac Efron doesn't have a Facebook or Twitter account neither.

Joe Queer Interview

2009-09-14T14:27:00.000-04:00

OK, I post this cuz the Queers are absolutely the best, but also due to the mention of a certain punk rock band from Wilmington... Thanks Joe!

"The Return of the Queers"
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
By Mike Sembos

If everyone who saw the Ramones went out and started their own band there would be too many bands that sound like the Ramones. For a while this was the case. Joe King started his band, The Queers, in 1982, and while much of the competition from that original wave has long since traded in their second-hand Marshall stacks for business casual, he has kept The Queers at it in some capacity for 22 years.

We caught up with King as he was about to hit the road.

Advocate: You've had no less than 30 other members of The Queers. Do you find this constant rotation liberating or annoying?

Joe King: Liberating. It keeps everything fresh. It doesn't matter who's playing with me. If it's me on stage with your grandmother in a muu muu, it's The Queers.

What's this about doing a pop tour? I hear there will be a keyboard player, too?

Not for the New Haven show, but next month we're doing a pop tour. I'm thinking of doing a whole set with lots of covers and cool songs we all love that never get played live. Beach Boys and Lesley Gore and shit like that.

How is the new record coming along?

We'll record this winter. I keep putting it off as I have a studio and I've been busy as hell doing that. Then, my wife and I just moved back to Atlanta from New Hampshire and I had to move all my gear to a new studio. I'm getting my two inch MCI JH24 tape machine today, actually! I'm pro analog. I hate recording with some fucking nerd with glasses staring at a fucking computer screen - you know the asshole hasn't been laid in about 15 years and has nothing to share about life...looking like the fucking trombone player for Reel Big Fish. I need some dude that's lived life with a huge tape machine going, telling me about cornholing some young chick the night before or something. It gets you in the vibe to record. It's a spiritual thing really.

Name some favorite places to play in Connecticut.

Oh man, it seemed there were lots of hardcore kids back in the day. But yeah, Connecticut? Shit, we opened up for The Ramones in '86 at the Agora in Hartford. This was before we ever toured. There were about 4,000 people there. We'd never played in front of 400, never mind 4,000. We got up and played for about 58 minutes. Played everything we knew and a few we didn't. Got offstage and Joey came up and told me when you open up for bands just play 22 minutes and get offstage cause the crowd doesn't wanna see you anyway. Best advice I ever got.

Are there any new bands that you're into that we should know about?

Eh, Unbelievers, Tit Patrol, Riptides, though they're not really new. Mostly underground punk bands.

You played at Cafe Nine last year and now you're coming back. Do you remember anything about that last show there?

Yeah the owner is great and there's a good vibe to that club. The crowd was energetic. I liked it a lot. Can't wait to get back.

We Are the Champions

2009-09-14T13:58:00.000-04:00

For my favorite roomate that I had to walk, the one who I came home to after both of my DUI's, the prettiest Dalmatian in a pantheon of beauties, a great friend, eater of nicotene gum and Hershey Kisses, a true punk rock puppy, nuerosis and all, we'll always love you Champ! I'd say more, but it's too sad. Good Boy.

Dare to Be Clutch

2009-09-14T13:15:00.000-04:00

The cat is out of the bag! Get ready now, cuz Wilmington's Endless Mike Jambox has reformed, be it briefly to record a new and most likely final album! The Jambox started in 2002 as a conglomeration of the two Madison Bands of that era. Signal/Static was Billy Frolic (Science for Kids), mc Ben, Paddy Robinson, and Matty Volk (all three Decade of Error), and Mike Garcia (Excite Bike). And Power of IV was Dan Robinson and Brendan Huffman (Ninja Attak), Dan Lyons (Excite Bike) and Sean Rule (Plow United). Well, Garcia moved back to Strong Island to become a CPA (and form Hello Nurse) and Sean moved to the American Northwest to raise a family (and form Hands on Throat), and Endless Mike Jambox formed out of the wreckage, minus Paddy (who was playing with Chitty from Houston Calls) and Lyons (who may have been in Marlon Spike, I'm not posi.)

The Jambox began to garner minor attention in the Wilmington/Newark area when founding member Brendan "Huffer" Huffman followed his heart all the way down to Ecuador, South America. After a killer last show upstairs at Peace-A-Pizza and a crazy going away party that night (at which I scored big time, BTW), we were lucky enough to get Paddy to join on bass, thus solidifying what would be known as the greatest Jambox line-up. We got sick good and recorded our first LP "Another Hot Freshy-Freshy" (named by Huffer), but everyone's personal schedule kept us from touring or promoting it properly. Now, I was what they call a "hot mess" around this time due to drugs and alcohol abuse, and though I was well beloved by degenerates everywhere, my behavior wasn't conducive to keeping a band together, and after a less than classy appearence at a party at Matty's apartment, he decided to leave the band after one last show, the 2005 Punk Rock Prom at North Street, featuring Tit Patrol's first show! We killed it that night, but that was it for Matty.

We began the search for someone to fill Matt's huge shoes, and we were lucky enough to get Jean Paul Pfizer to join the band and we went on for awhile, but it just wasn't the same... while Matt had some right wing thoughts that didn't exactly jive with everything we did, he could play better than anybody, and we had a lot of history. J.P. was trying to become a cop and that rubbed everybody the wrong way, along with weirdly overprotective parents that somehow wouldn't let their 21 year old son play out of state. When Paddy decided to move to San Diego we briefly considered replacing him, but decided it would further water down what we were doing, so we hung it up and I formed the Headies with Billy Frolic and Toddy from Tit Patrol, eventually adding mc Ben and Wild Bill Kate (from Explosive Kate and the Saturday Night Kids).

When the Jambox broke up, Frolic and I had an entire album written that didn't exactly jive with the minimalist rock and roll we wanted to do in the Headies, so the songs went on the shelf, sadly. I always hate not recording. It is one of my only regrets with Ninja Attak that we only recorded 11 of our over fifty songs.

Anyway, a couple years passed and Paddy came home to the East Coast and any silly animosity between me and Matt completely dissipated. We all started talking and decided we need to record the last album, tentatively titled "Dare to Be Clutch." We rehearse Tuesday nights at the Spot on Market Street and hope to record this Winter or Spring. It is unbelievably awesome to be working with the Jambox rhythm section again, and I am very thankful that we're all friends! Look for "Dare to Be Clutch" next Spring on Madison Underground Records!!

"Dare to Be Clutch"

1. Kim Kelly is My Friend (Robinson)
2. Channeling Dead Punks (Frolic)
3. Jessica 420 (Robinson)
4. Spazzapality (Frolic)
5. Ready 2 Played (Frolic)
6. Secret History of Rhythm and Blues (Robinson)
7. Newark, Newark (the Dictators)
8. Jambox v. the Anti-Pirates (Frolic)
9. Starry-Eyed Virginian (Robinson)
10. Shugga Cookiez (Frolic)
11. Emily Elevatrix (Robinson)
12. Be the Hawk (Frolic)
13. Freedom or Security? (Plow United)

And maybe a couple Easter Eggs.

Baby Huffer

2009-09-14T13:12:00.001-04:00

Super congrats to my one-time bestie and still greatie, Brendan "Huffer" Huffman and his little lady Bridget on their first of many children... even though he spelled her name wrong... the lyric clearly states "Sadi, Sadi with an I." Love you guys, bueno suerte!

Buy Us on Interpunk!

2009-09-14T13:03:00.000-04:00

The Headies - "Sugar and Spice (And Everything's Fucked)" is now available on Interpunk.com! Click the Title and Buy Us Now, Punk!

I'm Back! Thanks Dad!

2009-09-14T12:31:00.000-04:00

Hey Internet! It's your ol' boy Danny... so much has happened in my absence... deaths, births, surgery, rock and roll... I'll tell you all about it. Stay tuned.

Busted Nets

2009-08-24T12:01:00.000-04:00

Hi to all my loyal readers! I must apologize for my lack of content, my wonderful PC has eaten up the internet and as you know the www is only accessable from my awesome Power Den. So much info, so little time... Powerstance is Powerstance again. Holy Dirt is the most popular band in Delaware, my dryer is also busted, PHILLIES RULE, Headies Rule, High School Musical still rules, Porn School Musical is my new idea, Moe Larry Cheese is the best song goin', Wild Bill Kate is My Man, I start classes to finish my degree on September 2, beach on September 5, Man Without Plan is the tits, Best Friends Day is whack, and if I ever get the net back I am becoming a pro blogger, gimme your ads.

MUR Summer Releases 2009

2009-08-05T15:46:00.000-04:00

Dude, we said we were gonna and damn if we didn't. Three fresh new releases from your friends at Madison Underground Records. Come get 'em at any of our upcoming gigs (see sidebar) or from the Madison Underground Store (ASAP I Hope!), or from Interpunk or CDBaby, and soon iTunes! Seriously, the best punk rock, the best music, I'm a genius and so is Todd. Special thanks to Murph and James!

MUR #005 Tit Patrol - "Gets Less Worse" CD

MUR #006 The Headies - "Sugar and Spice (And Everything's Fucked)" CD

MUR #007 Skinny Dick Jones - "Urban Hillbilly" CD

Wastoids Wednesdays

2009-08-05T15:39:00.000-04:00

Oh, Newark, you are in luck! Off the heals of our wildly succesful one night stand at Main Street's Homegrown Cafe, Hot Toddy and the Wilmington Wastoids have been offered the gig as house band, taking over for Mad Sweet Pangs or some such nonsense, starting Wednesdays in October! That's right, Wilmo-Power-Pop-A-Billy has a new home, but what are you gonna do til October? Practice your boog-a-loo, that's what!

POWERSTANCE (No More)

2009-08-05T15:35:00.000-04:00

Breaking news! When I was hangin' in Newark for no illicit reason at all, with my good friend Chris Ba-Durr!, we were, you know, working on bikes and grooming our beards, as well as picking me out some bandanas, when the decision was made. Chris and the boys' known as Powerstance have officially changed their name to 18 Year Dinner, in reference to eating the placenta. Dig.

Something Fierce - "Teenage Ruins" and "Better Off Without You" @ the Spot

2009-08-05T14:37:00.000-04:00

Something Fierce - "Modern Girl" @ the Spot

2009-08-04T16:34:00.000-04:00

Great song, filmed by Toddy. Check out all of Something Fierce's videos... Stephen filmed Tit Patrol a bit, so we might just pop up there!

Tit Patrol @ the Spot 7/31/09

2009-08-04T15:48:00.000-04:00

Your Heroes, Tit Patrol, reppin' Wilmington, photos by Nikki! Great show and amazing huge crowd who showed up to support not only Something Fierce, but also Ba-Durr!'s dog, Bandit, who was kicked by a horse and in need of expensive surgery. No joke, if you're a dog lover and want to help out, hit me up.

Something Fierce @ the Spot 7/31/09

2009-08-04T15:38:00.000-04:00

SOMETHING FIERCE out of Houston, Texas, on Dirtnap Records. Raddest touring band we've had at the Spot? Could be, they were fucking awesome, intense and melodic, nice people to boot! Great record as well... tell the Dirtnap folks how kick-ass Tit Patrol is!

Aw Goddamnit!

2009-08-03T11:42:00.000-04:00

So, my camera can only take thirty seconds at a time, so yu may find it weak, but Ba-Durr! rules and so does my Zack Morris camera! If I had a realsy digi-video cam I would tape every set of every band and then who's laughing? Enjoy!

Ba-Durr! @ the Spot 7/26/09

2009-08-03T11:35:00.000-04:00

My boys! Ba-Durr! played an awesome set as always, but even awesomer was that they rocked so hard the power went out (in accordance with a thunder storm), everybody left except for them, me, Toddy, and a few other true believers, and when the lights came back they finished their set to just us, and what a treat it was!